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-   -   He's not looking for a relationship, but (http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showthread.php?t=748)

Michelle0607 December 5th, 2004 12:04 PM

He's not looking for a relationship, but
I went out last night with a guy that I have liked for a long time. Since he's did the asking, I was pretty psyched. We talked about quite a few things over dinner, but then he drops a bomb. He's not into the "relationship thing", but he likes me and thinks that we have a lot in common and would like to hang out any time I'm interested.

I have to take what he said about not having a relationship at face value. If it's not what he wants, fine. I don't want to lose hiim as a friend, but fear that if we do "hang out" then I will be hoping for the day that he will actually want a relationship.

Should we hang out together (and I will just have to control my emotions), or do I possibly lose a friend by staying away? :(

Tammy December 5th, 2004 01:11 PM

You <B>have</B> a relationship with this guy.

If you want a deeper, more intimate relationship with this guy, then you should invest yourself in the relationship you have and see what it grows into. Maybe it will grow into lifelong love, or maybe it will grow into friendship at a much deeper level.

If you're not willing to value or invest in the relationship you already have, then you have no power to take it to any other level.

"Instant love" is a delusion created in society by sit coms and soap operas. It's seldom satisfying and never lasts.

Michelle0607 December 5th, 2004 03:41 PM

That's how I see it. We have a relationship... friendship. He's the one who called it a "relationship thing." But I think you're right. I do want to be friends, even if nothing comes of it.
I think he was trying to say that he is not looking for a girlfriend. Which is fine, because I don't have time to invest in a boyfriend. But it is nice to be around somebody who is a lot like me.

PoohsBigSister December 6th, 2004 09:40 AM

Tammy, you hit the nail directly on the head!!! and Michelle, kudos to you for already knowing it and following through with it! ;)

Happy Holidays!

quenek December 1st, 2006 12:24 AM

Re: He's not looking for a relationship, but
If you don't want to be his girlfriend, then also keep a tight reign on your expectations. You have a friendship with him--it may not turn into much more than a 'friends with benefits' situation--which will get you further from a relationship than closer.

MintyFemme2 December 2nd, 2006 11:43 PM

Hmm quenek I don't think Michelle0607
is looking at this guy a a "friendship w/ benefit" type thing. Sex at this point would complicate things if you ask me. I think Michelle0607 is on the right track with getting to know the guy 1st and working on a friendship. Hey (((((((((TAMMY and PBS))))))))))).

RogersvilleMom December 6th, 2006 01:57 PM

My husband and I both said that we were not interested in a relationship when we started talking. Less than two years later we are married with a one month old baby. LOL

We had no expectations beyond being friends but it didn't take it long to blossom into so much more so I say just take things as they come and enjoy your relationship on whatever level you are on without expectations. If it is meant to become more then it will if not then just enjoy what you do have.


Wolf_angel December 6th, 2006 07:46 PM

((((((RogersvilleMom aka Tina))))))

Welcome to WOW! Its so good of you to share your story with the rest of us here! :)

Hope to see you in chat and on the message boards! :)

We have a good ole time in chat! LOL

Have a great day!:)

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