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-   -   Why Do People Get Divorced? (http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showthread.php?t=2325)

khan202 October 25th, 2011 09:46 AM

Why Do People Get Divorced?
The Main Reasons For Divorce

If you know the most common reasons, you can act on them and potentially avoid a divorce or breakup. A marriage - or long term relationship (I'll be assuming a marriage throughout this article, but many of the exact same factors apply to long-term relationships as well) - that is in trouble will exhibit certain warning signs. Barring some type of abuse going on, almost any marriage can be saved with enough knowledge (if you act on that knowledge).

One common reason for divorce is infidelity. Studies estimate that as many as 80% of marriages will have at least one partner commit adultery during the course of the marriage. This of course is a major problem, and requires a lot of work to get through. Once someone is caught cheating, the trust can be lost forever, and the hurt will never go away.

Another of the major reasons for divorce is a breakdown in communication. If one or the other is not communicating, or shunning the other, or the two can't talk together without fighting, obviously there's a major problem going on.

Many studies and academics claim that money problems are one of the leading causes of divorce. If times are tough, or one partner is upset with the other for either not contributing financially, or not being responsible (or respectful) of a budget, this can snowball into a huge problem. When money is scarce, a lot of the every-day issues can blow up into big fights.

Another leading reason for divorce is sexual incompatibility. If one partner shuts out the other, or if one simply isn't getting their needs met, this not only causes major frustration, but is one of the biggest reasons someone will go out and have an affair. These issues definitely need to be worked out - sometimes with the help of a therapist, sometimes simply by acknowledging and making an effort to meet the other person's needs - or a divorce may be imminent.

Simple negativity is, in my opinion, one of the absolute most important reasons for divorce. What I mean by negativity is what others would term 'nagging' or being demeaning, insulting, or negative in general. If someone can't stand being around their spouse because they are constantly being belittled or simply because they feel unappreciated, this is a doomed relationship unless things drastically change, and fast.

Abuse - physical or mental - is another of the main causes of divorce. In this case, a divorce and a complete separation from the other person is the best case of action. I don't care how many other factors are involved, if abuse is going on, the abused partner needs to get out of there as soon as possible - abuse only escalates, it never disappears mystically on its own.

Unless there's abuse going on, almost all of the above problems can be solved. If people educate themselves - don't try to go off how you 'think' relationships work, educate yourself - there is no reason why almost any marriage or relationship can't be saved. None of these issues other than abuse is a death sentence for a marriage, and although these are the most common reasons for divorce, almost every problem can be overcome with enough knowledge and effort.

celebratingwomen October 25th, 2011 12:51 PM

Thank you for posting this. Great points! I would also like to add that you cannot change your partner if there are problems. Your spouse has to want to change things as well. But you need to be responsible for your part in the relationship. Ask yourself how much fun are you to be around and to be married too? Are you playful and fun to be with? Or are you a nagging unhappy stressed out basket case? Are you living to your fullest potential? Remember that noone can make you happy except yourself. That is your purpose! As you grow and mature fill yourself with self-love and acceptance that you seek from others. You will be surprised the ripple effect this will have on you and all your relationships.

etherea October 29th, 2011 08:30 AM

You are so right about self love and I would like to add self respect. It can help deal with whatever problem there is within the relationship but it cannot be all one sided. Both have to work to change things round. Too many people are quite prepared to acknowledge that there are problems but actively try to work it out? Too busy feeling sorry for themselves and thinking about "the greener grass on the other side" than take a hard look at what is going on! Commitment is a word that seems to have lost it's value in today's world.

Wolf_angel November 3rd, 2011 09:36 AM

Well it looks like I am going for divorce number 2. First one was because I grew up and he didnt like it. The second is due to his drug use, abuse from him and broken promises on his part. Oh well. I think I will stay single.

Gina November 9th, 2011 02:10 AM

I have just left my husband of 20 years. why? There are so many reasons. Cruelty, meanness, emotional abuse, disregard. I stopped liking and respecting him a long time ago. Good provider, lousy husband. Its hard not to blame. I have moved in to my work premises. i think he is amused at this stage. I have wanted to leave for 17 years and I finally found the courage. 3 children and 2 re at home. Its such a mix of feelings. I have good support and all my friends understand why. I just don't know how the script goes.
Just wondering what to expect. We have quite alot of assets between us. Of course he is still in our home.



Wolf_angel November 9th, 2011 09:48 AM

Expect the Unexpected and that will help alot. If you have a large quantity of assets make a list of those you want for sentimental reasons and what not. Depending on the state you live in is how they get divided. Imagine you are on an Emotional Rollercoaster ok? He will use what he knows of you to get you upset and keep you there. This is called Mental Abuse by the way. Figure out what you need to do what resources you have available and what documents you can use to help your children and yourself. My husband wants a divorce not realizing how important some documents will be when we get a divorce. Hence that is on him and his choices. I have started cleaning this house. Packing his things in boxes. So when he does finally get his stuff he can simply walk out and not look back. May God bless when I cant for I do still want the best for him not because I love him but because I can and still care about him as a person. Hope this helps as it was meant to.

Rhiannon61 December 12th, 2011 11:38 PM

I divorced my first husband 15 years ago. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict (meth and crack). He was also physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to me. I almost died twice in the marriage---once by my own hand and once by his. If I had not been able to finally escape from him I would be dead.

Wolf_angel December 15th, 2011 07:58 AM

By the way, I am divorcing what my husband has chosen as part of his life. Which goes to prove I have to divorce him to get my life better without him in it so my life can be happy and healthy the way I want it to be. Now I have a daughter who is divorced me again based on part truths and not able to recognize and admit her faults.

Rhiannon61 December 15th, 2011 04:43 PM

I understand completely, Wolf Angel. I had to get away from my ex husband, because I was in a dangerous place. I didn't want him to drag me down with him into the world of drugs and crime. If he wanted to live like that, it was his choice, but it wasn't MY choice to live like that. I haven't seen him in 13 years. For all I know, he's either in prison or six feet under.

confusedforever December 17th, 2011 12:44 AM

I would say divorce or a breakup of any relationship is almost same. One person loses identity and feels lost. I brokeup with my boyfriend whom I was dating for 5 years. I ended up thinking and living like him. My identity was completely lost and eventually one fine day I decided that it was time we moved on separately..

Wolf_angel December 17th, 2011 07:42 AM

When I divorce my current husband its because I am divorcing his stupid choices. If they work for him ok, but not for me. I dont need the fall out of it all on me. Let him go find some other person to sucker. I am not his Mother so I am no longer cleaning up his "messes" he has done by his choices. So I am divorcing all of that. Besides I need a better life and maybe in time if that ever happens someone who wants to be there for me not because what I am or do for them but because they want to and love me unconditionally flaws and all.

downandout January 3rd, 2012 06:13 PM


Wolf_angel January 7th, 2012 08:42 AM

First off using all Capital letters is yelling. Ok? Now if you want your children to be happy and healthy what are you going to do about it? Other than the normal stuff, you'd be surprised at what they see and know. So are you going to subject them to the pain and trauma you are dealing with? Like this is how normal people and relationships are? If not then do what you must to get a better life for your children and yourself. Hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs

Aiden11 March 10th, 2012 12:00 AM

There is no proper answer of this question but let me tell you one thing that if you do not have trust on your partner then do not get married, other wise it will lead you towards divorce finally.

Wolf_angel March 15th, 2012 07:40 AM

That is the basis of most relationships and should be for any relationship. Trust

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