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-   -   Feeling lonely (http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showthread.php?t=1916)

Minou July 17th, 2010 11:03 PM

Feeling lonely
I am a social butterfly and everyone know me and likes me. People think I have everything I want and a loving husband that adores me. It seems that I have the best life every.

But as of late, my husband is very mean to me. He's not there for me, starts arguments and calling me names. When I come into the room, he makes an excuse to leave. He feels that I do things just to piss him off and that I enjoy doing those things.

That is very far from the truth! I love him and want to make him happy, but nothing I do seems to make him happy.

I felt happy and warm before this turn around. Now I feel very lonely. We live in the same house, but live separate lives.

He told me that he is thinking of retiring. My thought was -"oh my god, no! Then you are home all the time".

I love my husband, but now I feel very unhappy. I want my loving caring husband back.

Does anyone else have this in their relationship? How do you handle this?

amy4friend July 27th, 2010 01:18 PM

There is definitely something wrong and you need to know what. It could be that something is bothering your husband at work or it could be something else too. Men tend to not talk if they have issues. They rather be quiet and have their space.
What I would do is first give him some space and probably not talk much with him. Be there in a supportive way but not in a questioning way. Give him his space but even after a month of doing so if he still is bad with you. You really need to question him. You need to know. Also for how long have you been married? What are the times when he gets angry? It cant be all the time. See what triggers it. Analyze quietly.

Simply123 August 30th, 2010 07:16 AM

I have been in a relationship for 9 months and really love the man I'm with. As of late all we do is fight. He gets mad at every little thing and lately I crossed the line by overcalling and not allowing him space because I was anxious and needed reassurance. How do I go back to bring myself again? In control and allowing him to chase me. I'd it possible to get things back once they start to go wrong?

MsFlo September 13th, 2010 03:19 PM

I believe it is possible- if it is meant to be. I know that we can't force someone to love us or remain in love with us, since we all have free-will in this. So, I think it is important to first take care of ourselves. Just because someone may not feel the same- doesn't mean our worth is less. We are all important, regardless of what another may feel about us. Sometimes we need to stop, relax, let go, and reflect over our own behavior. Take a deep breath and begin again...

MsFlo September 13th, 2010 03:32 PM

Dear, Minou

Sometimes it is harder to get to the bottom of why men feel "blue" or for them to even admit depression. In fact, I heard just recently men can go through their own version of male menapause or a mid-life crisis. My thoughts would be to take it easy on him and try to talk about it with him slowly, without trying to force it. Sometimes it may take awhile to get the whole story- but if you are patient and he trusts you- it eventually surfaces. Sadly, it is common to take it out on the one you love most.

Minou September 20th, 2010 07:37 AM

Thanks MsFlo,
Thanks for your comment.
I've been reading a book about male meno-pause and it has helped a lot. In the past, when he'd get into a *mood* where he would see everything black, I would argue it and say something like: You're not like that. You know that's not true!. He'd get furious. Now I just go and do my own that I enjoy-like going for a walk with my dog, or go to another room to read my book in peace and quiet and let him sit. When I come back, he is over his dark mood. It's a lot more peaceful-even though it doesn't always work, there are a lot less arguments. I'm starting to realize that I cannot be responsible for his moods. Let him sit and brew. I also learned that it is okay to be angry at him for being such a shit-before I felt guilty about that. Now- let him sit and brew and I can be a angry at him as I want. Funny enough, I direct some anger to him, and I feel very peaceful away from him when he is in those moods.
A friend of mine talked to him in general about depression- and her having episodes of depression. He came back to tell me about it and said that person wasn't strong in life.

He would never get something like that. He doesn't see it. I hope he will at one point.
You are right, it is common to take things out on the ones we love- strange but true.
thanks again. It is good to know that I can *talk* about it and release some of the tension that I feel at times.

Wolf_angel September 21st, 2010 09:25 AM

That is what this is for! Trust me on this...I have been here many years and feel blessed to know if I come here with troubles there are those who will help me along my way. Have a great day!:)

Sunflower52 October 2nd, 2010 07:15 AM

Dear Minou,

I wrote you a private Message.


sistergirl April 30th, 2011 03:36 PM

I agree with the depression and "man o pause" thing. This to him means he is getting closer to death and that seems to be something that men fight with...Would he be willing to talk to a counselor? Also it would be in both of your best interests to share a hobby together for coming retirement...something you both would truly enjoy. :)

sistergirl April 30th, 2011 03:41 PM

It also could be other things such as his job coming to an end soon. Men's jobs reflects who they are, it is their life, man hood. Whatever it might be, communication is the way to go. Best of luck!

entrepreneurweek January 26th, 2012 11:50 PM

I think you should have to spent some good time with your friends. This will relief you to some extent.

JANE20/20 March 10th, 2012 02:47 AM

Hi....Minou....I have been reading the post(s)...I feel warm and teary just reading and looking at the support for you from different people....I however can't really add much on the subject because I've never been married or had the experience of living with a man....yet....so for me my suggestions are from the outside looking in....but it does sound like there was or is something going on with your husband that he is not talking about......you sound like you love him....so I would say go to counseling...before you start building up resentment because of the name calling and the way that he is mistreating you during his dark moods....which will create more distance between you....and for times when your giving him space....what are you doing for you?....I would make sure that I stayed get pretty for me....meaning that I would get into myself...and workout,get the hair done...monthly if the budget allows....nails (fingers and toes done)....some new undies...or a outfit...nothing extravagant...but something that makes you look and feel good.....don't forget the new shoes or sandals...have some me time where you take care of and love you....that's what I would do....be the best that I can be.....for me......I hope that everything is working out for you and your husband......

maddiemondie July 17th, 2012 11:40 PM

Divert your mind into positive things and search for your own happiness.

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