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-   -   divorce, assault, domestic violence. Should i file or no? (http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showthread.php?t=1986)

bubblybee3010 November 16th, 2010 01:19 AM

divorce, assault, domestic violence. Should i file or no?
 
hi, i am currently living apart with my husband here in toronto and my son is with me. I still love him but i just can't stand the way he's treating me. i am about to file a divorce but i need to know what should i do about these things:

before my husband and i got married he tried to commit suicide i was so scared about it but he explained to me that he only doesnt want me to leave him. so i was convinced and tried to forgive him

after my 1st son, we had a fight because he promised my mom that we would visit her but he suddenly changed his mind and didn't want to go anymore. so i got mad because my mom is waiting for us, he said he's too tired. i told him that he can just drop us off if its ok with him but he insisted to think he has only 1 job at that time, by the time he got 2 jobs he didnt complained at all, anyway, he insulted me and keeps on yelling at me so i said i'll just go without him. he keeps on yelling, telling me "mother ****er" the whole time so i slapped him, i grabbed my son and tried to go out of the house but he went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and stayed at the stairs so i can't go out

We had issues regarding my mother in law for taking my son away from me without my consent and my husband is not even concerned of how i felt that time. my mother in law keeps on telling me that it was all out of love but she's taking almost the full responsibility for my child, there was a time that i can't hold my son for the whole day and she'll just take my son beside her at night time and sleep with him. my husband always gets upset whenever i open up things regarding his parents and my son. i confronted my mother in law regarding that but she doesn't seem to like what she's hearing and she walked out and i never felt respected being a person and a mother of my son. as my mother in law, im expecting for her to understand my feelings because we're both moms and she has this feeling of emptiness in her heart because she left her son when they're still little and they've just been together just few years ago so she tries to put his attention to my son, to the point that she had forgotten that i am the mother. i stayed in my cousin's place so i can be in between, not with his family, not with my own so my husband can be very free to visit and stay with us.

2nd fight and 3rd that we had, he always tells me that he'll gonna smash my brothers face and might kill them, telling me that when i sleep hes hoping for me not to wake up and thinks that i am crazy and needs to go for a doctors check up.

3rd fight that we had. when my uncle invited us to go to the mall. my uncle started yelling at me in public telling me that everything regarding my mother in law was my fault and he kept on blaming me and telling bad things about my family on how we were brought up and why my parents are not doing anything about whats happening.my parents only wanted us partners to solve this problem as one without them interfering with our decisions. my uncle insisted that grandparents shouldn't have the consent of the parents when they're taking their grandchild. my husband didnt do about it and he bats in while my uncle was yelling at me. and telling things that its also my fault. he's just staring at me, so i felt he didnt care for me at all. he didnt even had the guts to tell my uncle enough that my wife is already crying and really hurt. my uncle forced me to go to my inlaws house to say sorry and hug and kiss my MIL against my will, whether i like it or not he said i had to do it. my husband didnt do anything at all. i ran away of the house due to extreme depression and had left my son to my husband.and went to my parents house. my uncle got mad and brought back my stuff to my in-laws house telling me that i am not welcome anymore to their house. He called my parents. he was pissed of that i left. and he kept on yelling. my parents we're so worried where i am. but they started to calm down when i knocked on their door. That night i felt tightness in my chest and had hard time breathing. my mom was about to bring me to the hospital but i told her maybe its just high blood pressure. she asked my brothers friend, a nurse, to come over and check me, and told me that everything was just fine i just need some rest and time to relax and calm down.

last fight that we had, i called my husband asking to bring my son here because my son has cough and colds so i need to be with him. coz, i dont want to stay anymore with my inlaws. he tried to contact my cousin for help but my cousin was not available so i asked him to take a taxi. he doesnt want to. and kept arguing with me. he told me that if i want to be with my son, i should go there and take my son. by the time i was there he doesnt want me to go out with my son. he told me that if im leaving, i should leave my son there, and thats the time we started to have a fight because he doesnt want me to be with my son. during our fight my MIL is already in the act of taking my son away from me but i insisted. my husband smashed my fone and bend it. when he noticed that i am recording our fight. so when i had the opportunity, i walked to the living room, grabbed their landline and called the police and filed a complaint

now im living with my parents with my son, away from my husband and in-law. what should i do? i havent filed a divorce yet but he wanted to go out with the baby. what should i do? i am afraid that he might take my son away from me. he's also making it up with me, trying to find our own place but i am afraid that due to his violent reactions and unpredictable temper he might hurt me physically

do i have to save our marriage for the baby? or do i have to divorce him? .and is it necessary to file charges against him? i still love him, i just can't stand that he doesnt respect me as her wife, aside from that, he puts his family first before me. even small things, decisions and problems, he consults and ask for his mom's help and advice intead of us taking it over and handle things as a husband and wife. i don't know what to do.

Wolf_angel November 16th, 2010 10:46 AM

((( Bubblybee3010)))) I think you should file charges where your husband and his family arent allowed near your son and you. This is for your safety. As well as start divorce proceedings. Tis the best for your son and you. There is life after a divorce. I have been there and done that. Tis hard but your son and you deserve more. Best of Luck! Hugs :)

rjsfeminist November 20th, 2010 04:37 PM

(((Bumblebee))) Listen to what Wolf_Angel has said. I fully agree that you need to have charges filed so he (and his family) can't come near you or your son. Will divorce be rough? Well, it's not easy, but you will feel better when someone like this is out of your life. My first husband was abusive and when the divorce came through, it felt very liberating...There is life after divorce...

Lexi January 12th, 2011 02:59 PM

It sounds to me like you have tried to make it work and now you have to move on. Your son deserves to see his mother happy. If you make yourself miserable, your son will see that and think its normal.

JoJo1 January 13th, 2011 09:05 AM

I think the question should be...What is best for your son? When you can answer that honestly then you will have all of your other questions answered. Think of your son FIRST, not what you want, but what is best for him...Good luck!

Elusive Unicorn January 13th, 2011 11:14 AM

I wish you and your son all the happyness that can find you.
Just remeber that children that witness abuses or are abused can growup to be abuser themselves. Just think what you truly want for your son and you will find the answer in your heart.

angelinajolin February 25th, 2011 02:02 PM

4 get about him press charge think bout ur son


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