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-   -   Not sure is she's gay (http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showthread.php?t=2010)

Massiveworld January 7th, 2011 03:44 PM

Not sure is she's gay
*apologies ahead of time for the amount but I don't want to leave anything out.

There's a girl that joined our class this year, and from the beginning I've noticed her looking/staring/gazing at me quite often and even smiling to me a times. She's very very tomboy, wears shirt/mostly wears sweaders, hair always up in a pony tail, loves metal (so do I), wears Converse all the time and just has that type of personality you know? Anyway, looks and personality of a lesbian do not lack her. So we were chatting here and there getting to know each other over the months, and a few months later, when we sat next to each other in the school lobby (the school is tiny less then 100 studnets) and we were in a convo that was going quite well, and I straight out asked her: "Are you gay?" which I know now was prob not the best and nicest thing to do, since we weren't THAT close for me to ask her and the timing was also not right and I also should have played with it like go around it to see how she reacts to other subjects rather than just suddenly asking her in the school lobby if she's gay. I know it wasn't right for me to do and I regret but but it's been done and there's nothing I can do to change it.
I sent her a msg on facebook later apologizing since she didn't want to have any contact with me anymore (although she wouldn't admit it) and she said it's ok (which I didn't believe I could see she was comforable), and was VERY curious in knowing the reason why I thought she's gay. Basically I answered her, and she said that she was shocked when I asked her since no one had ever aked her that before, and went on saying that she is the straightest person as can be and that she's really really really really in love with some guy. (at the time) She said those things but in a very big exaggeration.
So a while went by and since then she has severely distanced herself from me up to a point where if I put my bag somewhere and she put her bag right next to me which would mean to sit next to me, she'd move her bag literally to the other end of the class, and even when the teacher would assing us to sit together to do a thing in class she wouldn't talk or even look at me when we had to communicate. Let me just say that everytime we'd get "close" to each other (like talk or sit next to each other) she'd bite her nails, like when someone's nervous. (before I asked and after)
So lately, been for about two months already, she has suddenly started "liking" me again I guess. I find her gazing, looking, staring constantly, and each time I would catch her she will most of the time smile and giggle and look away or she will immediately look away. When I sit/talk/or standing next to someone else (especially a boy) I find her just staring at me all the time, and when she's around other girls or boys, I find her looking at me as if to see If I'm jelous or if I care. When she's with other people and I'm either alone or with other people as well, I find her trying to get a look at me whenever she can.
lately she's been talking to me alot, and when I talk to her on facebook chat about LGBT related topics, I find her either interested, curious or she's just ok about it.
If it means anything, in facebook pictures she's like 90% photographed with girls, and I find that with the girls she's kind of close and with the guys she's distanced. She hardly ever hugs men, mostly girls. And anytime she hugs men, they hug her, she doesn't hug them.
I was a million percent sure she's gay and I still kind of am, but on the other hand, why would she be so ignorant about the whole situation?
I have the feeling that it's something she has never thought of before since she was in an all girls school for 3years and suddenly when she's brought up with the idea she's starting maybe to realise she's gay or maybe even bisexual (which I very highly doubt) and it's freaking her out or I don't know. Also the getting close, popping the question and then the sudden distancy and then the slow liking again is also something to say about it?
Lately she's always trying to find a reason to talk to me, look at me, she gazes at me, when she walks to other people she looks at me, she is SUPER nice to me, and it happens at at times where I find her staring at me body and it happens often that she looks at me so much that when she's standing near by she sees me suddenly looking at her body for a few seconds (checking her up and down) and she kind of like smiles as I walk off.
Although, she's still kind of shy to sit next to me although all off the above. Could it be she's realizing that she could be gay and she's scared?
You may or may not be asking yourself why does it matter to me so much if she's gay or not.. Well.. It's because I'm starting to like her and I know it's not a good idea I'm trying not to but I just can't control my feelings. Let me just say that between the time after I asked her and her distancy I stopped liking her in that way but now that she's like this liking me again It's making me like her and I can't control it. But still doesn't mean I'm going to act out on it.

So frustrated about all this ^_^
What do you think? Could she really be gay? :\

Sophia January 26th, 2011 10:54 AM

I don't know either... I've just read your post and I should say that I can't answer your question... I think the problem is totally in her. It seems that she's not sure herself if she's a gay or not... Maybe her family influences her saying "it's wrong to consider yourself a gay; you are a girl, you must go out on a date with guys"...Maybe she can't make up her mind, that is why she changes her behaviour....
It's just my opinion...
No matter what it is, she likes you.

Sassysam January 26th, 2011 04:31 PM

Could be drama if she started liking you again after a few months. Or maybe she got over the shock of you asking her. Maybe she wanted to stay in the closet and she felt threatened when you called her out on it.

Let that be water under the bridge, forget about what happened and maybe you can move forward.

WDianneS February 13th, 2011 06:40 AM

Just be a friend, enjoy her company, and see how things unfold. It could be that she isn't sure of her own sexuality yet and has to work it out.

moniker February 14th, 2011 08:12 PM

I'm like your friend...it doesn't mean that she's gay or hasn't figured herself out yet. She just may be like me. I wrote about it here: http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showt...1895#post61895

Bucephale June 29th, 2012 12:52 PM

Hi, I'm just having a similar experience with a girl.
She looks gay, definitely. The way she acts, the way she moves, the way she dresses. She also has a lot of gay friends (almost only gay friends, I would say), she looked expressly for a gay flatmate etc.. There was, like in your case, a lot of "eye contact", smiles, etc..
The other day, I went to her place, I asked her to get out and kissed her. She told me she's straight.

After this she started freaking out. Well, I guess she overreacted, then there's something of what she's afraid of.

Have you made any progress with your friend since you have written? This would be useful ;)

Maureen July 30th, 2012 08:21 AM

she is
I used to have a friend like that,they will never come up they are gay or bisexual,my friend acted like a tomboy& denied being gay till she started making sexual advances at me when we were alone. Watch out for those sexual advances when you to are in private places & you will be sure she is gay.

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