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Lillybug1 March 3rd, 2011 09:39 AM

New to Board
 
Hello Everyone,
I am so happy to have found this website....a place where I can feel safe.
I have been in an abusive relationship for 30 years and feel ashamed and embarrassed that I stayed for so long.
I am going to make this short, as I will share my story as time permits (heck, I have lots of time, but very little without him in and around it).
My goal is to get out of this relationship (alive) and take it one step at a time from there.....

Elusive Unicorn March 3rd, 2011 11:59 PM

HI LIllybug and welcome to WOW. We are glad you found us. I hope you reach all your goals safely. Good luck to you.

georgie March 4th, 2011 02:04 AM

Welcome Lilybug1.

I hope this website will be beneficial to you as it has been for me. Just reading other peoples problems helps in many ways. Also encouraging words from a stranger goes a long way. I have also been in a relationship for 30 years that I am not proud of and have told my story. I have also been abused, more verbally than physically, but have remained for my children. Enough is enough. Good luck and look forward to reading your story.

Jennifer23 March 4th, 2011 08:33 PM

Good luck, Lilly!

Lillybug1 March 5th, 2011 04:48 PM

Thank you Ladies....just knowing there is someone listening, understanding, and supportive, lightens the heart.
I have thought about where to start and it was mind boggling, so instead i'll try not to ramble and write about what i am feeling/thinking during the time i am here.
My abuse has been more verbal than physical, (no wonder it was so hard to identify in the begining).
The first time i can remember is a year after we were living together he SPIT on me (i was so appauled i left him) and then he came to my Mothers home and beat me. Of course family and friends were upset with him, but a couple of months later i got back with him. He had wooed me back and some family/friends (silver tongued fox). That was the begining of the end as i look back now....it only got worse, with cycle after cycle. Back then when the authorities were called i would be told to "go back inside and be a good wifey" or even tho i would be bruised and bloody "we (police) didn't see it happening" AND when i did have a protection order in place, they would just ask him to leave. This brings to mind a time when he had busted every window in my car with a shovel, with me and my cousin and her 3 children in it! By the time the police arrived he was gone (of course) and i was told by the police to move my car off the street or they would impound it, and they took no report (took notes but no report) said there were no 'witnesses'.....dear lord, there were CHILDREN screaming and crying. Come to find out later, these two officers were friendly with my husband.
I need to close for now.......thank you for listening

p.s. Georgie.....is your story posted?

Jennifer23 March 5th, 2011 05:10 PM

Lilly, leave!

georgie March 7th, 2011 12:18 AM

Hi Lilly,
Why are you still in this relationship. I have never been treated that bad. I know the verbal abuse hurts bad, but to also put up with so much physically is not accepted. My story is in Romantic Relationships - Hurting Bad. You should get out soon, and don't look back. I hope your children will be supportive to you as mine have been with me. Good luck!

cassandra March 7th, 2011 02:48 AM

Lilly
this man has eaten away at your self respect and confidence over the years in the hope of dominating you 100%.
The fact you are here and speaking out proves he has failed.

I hope you will find the strength and courage to make the final break with him soon.
See him for what he really is, not a strong indestructable monster, but a pathetic, weak, spiteful and manipulative little man.
Find support among people you can trust the police are not always the best, but lots of womens groups (and here of course) will/can offer you the support you need to make good choices and help to start again.

sistergirl May 27th, 2011 04:10 PM

Hi Lilly, I just came across this story and can tell you I can relate to a degree. Mine was decades ago, but the memories still exist. I hope you find the strength and courage you will need to get away...but use caution because leaving isa crucial point for the abuser. You need to havea support system in place and a plan before leaving. I see you haven't been here for awhile and hope you are ok! I would also like to invite you to my cozy little women's forum...I will give you the link. God bless!!

I wish you lots of luck and strength...You don't deserve this!

sistergirl June 8th, 2011 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sistergirl (Post 62953)
Hi Lilly, I just came across this story and can tell you I can relate to a degree. Mine was decades ago, but the memories still exist. I hope you find the strength and courage you will need to get away...but use caution because leaving isa crucial point for the abuser. You need to havea support system in place and a plan before leaving. I see you haven't been here for awhile and hope you are ok! I would also like to invite you to my cozy little women's forum...I will give you the link. God bless!!

I wish you lots of luck and strength...You don't deserve this!

oops, sorry that link does not owrk...try this one. :)

Lillybug1 June 8th, 2011 08:42 PM

Thank you Sistergirl, I went to your link and submited form just waiting for approval...looks real interesting, thank you again for the invite.

And a update: I am currently seeing a counselor (found one I feel hears me-actually listens). The ticker? I haven't mentioned the abuse yet my private hell, I am scared, but I have a feeling she can see into what I am saying, and she is being gentle (maybe building my trust in her.) The stress level is so high, not to mention the depression can be so low, and she is calming. Also working on a plan to leave....safely. I do understand the danger and just want to cry. If I wasn't living this nightmare it would be hard to believe (not that I wouldn't), you know-thinking it only happens in books or movies....
If anyone would care to share their escape, plans, ideas, anything at all.....

sistergirl June 8th, 2011 09:08 PM

Oh thanks, that was you! I will open the door now. ;)

Wolf_angel June 13th, 2011 08:37 AM

Ok here is an idea... get all your important papers together and put them somewhere safe where he cant get them. Make sure to seal them in a zip lock bag to keep them protected from water. Next, pack a back pack with clothing and essential items you need daily. Stash that again where he cant find it. If you have any friends one who you trust highly, ask said friend to come there as a safe house if things get too hot at home to handle. Next start saving some money if you can. This way you will have some cash on you. If you can set up a bank account in your name only where he cant have access to it. Then go thru your house and make a list of things that are yours and has sentimental value to you. Slowly start packing them away and put that where he cant get it. When things come together, just walk out the door without looking back. Also any reports and etc you have had against him in the past, get copies. Even the hospital records showing the damage done to you if you have them. Put these with your important papers. I hope this helps! For I was going thru hell recently in the last few years after being with my husband for 15 years. This was my plan. Still in place and right now working on getting my education towards a job so I can support myself. Hugs!

sistergirl June 13th, 2011 06:50 PM

I agree with everything wolf said except for one...It is extremely important that he does not suspect anything! By removing things of value (if they are placed where he would miss them if gone)leave them there! It is crucial that he not suspect anything and the most important thing is for the victim to get out safely...the other stuff, no matter how sentimental or valuable is not as important as your life. Strange that we have heard nothing in days...I hope you are safe. Hugs!

Wolf_angel June 14th, 2011 06:47 AM

I see your point Sistergirl. Yet when I was thinking of doing this I would of simply told my husband it was broken and I threw it away. Or I put it in storage since we do have a storage place. Yes most important to get the victim out no matter what! Hugs


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