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-   -   My life is falling apart and I am lost (http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showthread.php?t=2285)

jharp September 23rd, 2011 06:40 PM

My life is falling apart and I am lost
 
Hi all, I am new here, I just need some body to talk to. I am a 29 year old saty at home mom of 3. I have been married for 7 year. I have no friends besides my kids and husband. We are in a finacial bind and I have no Idea what to do or how to deal with it. I can't pay rent, My house is a mess, I am lonely, I am bored, I feel worthless. Fortunately my kids and husband are lovely and I have no issues with them, my issue is with myself. If any one is willing to listen I have a lot that I need to talk out

sistergirl September 24th, 2011 02:23 AM

Hi jharp, talk away...sounds like you need to get some things off your chest. Could it be you are bored with routine and are becoming depressed because of it?

Wolf_angel September 26th, 2011 10:29 AM

Or perhaps not happy with the way your life is heading? Well talk away like sistergirl said. We will do our best to help you with ideas and suggestions. But tis you who makes the choice. Hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs

celebratingwomen September 30th, 2011 03:16 PM

I'm sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed with your life right now. I know that the state of my house is a complete reflection for what is happening internally for me. When I feel empowered and positive my home looks great. When When I have huge internal turmoil and feel overwhelmed my house is a disaster. My suggestion to you is that you need to force yourself to snap out of your negative thinking. This will affect every action of your day. Three ideas to help you do this that you might want to try:

1. Start with an affirmation that helps you start your day differently i.e.

"Even though this is a difficult time in our lives right now, I know that this too shall pass."

"I am a great mother and wife and am truly blessed by the love that surrounds me."

"I am greatful for this day and all the possibilities it could present."

Those are just a couple of ideas. You can make up your own that is more fitting or look up tons on the internet.

2. Because it is natural to keep thinking about the things that worry us you need to balance it with thoughts of gratitude and shift some of your focus on all the things that are going well. Start keeping a journal/pad of paper and make a list every morning of things you are greatful for.

3. Commit each day to do one thing fun/silly with your kids or husband. I do not mean with spending money. This can be anything from putting on a cd and dancing around the living room for 10 mins, playing a game, offer your husband a nice massage (after kids are in bed) which then in turn he can give you one. Really think about the last time that you had fun and if you can't, it's been far too long and you need to add it in your life. I'm not saying for a few hours. Just a few minutes in your day and that will grwo the more you become aware of it.

These ideas will obviously not fix the things that you are worried about but it will help you manage how you are dealing with the circumstances. You will feel less depressed and might see possible solutions or ideas that you might not have before.

Best of luck!

IRISH_EYES_99 October 3rd, 2011 04:52 PM

I love the ideas that Celebrating Women put up there. Hope they help. May I suggest journaling a little each day. Write down something positive with you about that day. How old are your children? If they are school age maybe you could volunteer at their school one day a week. It would get you out of the house, & you'd be helping others.
Wishing you the very best.

Come in here jharp and we can commiserate with you. Maybe help build up your self esteem. Take care & hang in there/ No matter what life is always worth living.

sistergirl October 4th, 2011 12:49 AM

I am all for positive affirmations, positive reonforcement, positive attitude. Can't hurt. Great advice and hope you will give it a go. :)

Wolf_angel October 4th, 2011 09:39 AM

Ditto what IRISH and sistergirl said! LOL Hugs

sistergirl October 4th, 2011 12:44 PM

Why do I not use spell check!

IRISH_EYES_99 October 4th, 2011 05:40 PM

Did not notice the spelling until you pointed it out sistergirl. :) Have a great day.

Jennifer23 October 6th, 2011 11:53 PM

Hi J! And Celebrate was right in what she said, but it's much harder to actually do it. I hope that you can.

Momof5 October 12th, 2011 03:36 AM

I know how you feel i am in the same boat i have all these people i take care of.I have no time to take care of myself i have to go to the doc and the denist for check ups it has been along time since i went to the densit no time for me.I live with the father of my kids and will not marry me we have been together for a long time not sure how i feel about him anymore he has all the money and the say in my life its so hard not sure what to do.He says he loves me but not to sure about that i do not feel loved by him sometimes i do not want him to even touch me maybe cause he set up profiles on to sites to meet woman to sleep with.I have gone on these sites to see if did do anything yet with these woman not sure what else to do all he thinks is about is sex like most guys maybe he wants someone new he says no but i do not belive him.My kids do not listen to me eather everyone walks all over me its a grat life and the dad works all the time have no help.

Wolf_angel October 13th, 2011 09:13 AM

Well if you stopped doing for them, take time out for yourself, then let them realize all that you do. If there is no respect then dont give them any. Its earned. I dont know how old your children are but if they above the age of ten, then they do understand respect and earning what they get. I hope this helps. Have a great day!:)

celebratingwomen October 16th, 2011 06:04 PM

Hi momof5,

You are in a mess of a situation.......but not hopeless. For how long are you going to choose to live your life being treated this way? Yes, I said choose. You have created these relationships in your life and living them out exactly as you intended. (conciously or sub-conciously). I don't mean to be harsh with you (this is all meant with good intentions for you) but how low will you allow yourself to go before you stand tall and say "Enough!" It sounds like you made a poor decision on your choice of partner. Your children are disrespectful to you because they probably see their father being disrespectful to you? You allow people to treat you disrespectfully because you seem to believe that you deserve no better.

Your number one role as a mother to these kids is to be a life teacher. What are you teachingthem about family, respect, love, themselves when you allow for these things to go on in your home? The majority of kids that have low self-esteem; have parents with low self-esteem. And they will grow into adults with low self-esteem.


Your life will continue on this path until you make a serious conciousdecision to change it. The great thing about life is that just because it has always been like this for you, you have the power to make it a different reality. But until you decide, things will stay the same. I hope you find the courage and the belief that you deserve better. If and when you do, you can send me a private or public message and I can give you suggestions on what those changes will look like.

I hope you view this message in that it was only sent out of care and concern for you.

sistergirl October 17th, 2011 12:04 AM

I so agree with CW. I have a long time dear friend who and I am sorry to say...has helped make her grown and married children dependent on her. They each call her several times a day... for what!? It's about who's depressed, who's on drugs, who's an alcoholic...all emotionally cripled in some form....

I never say anything about my true feelings to her because I do not want to ruin our friendship and she is who she is and is not about to change. I feel that she needs to have them dependent on her. I just don't know how else to look at it. She's been a good friend to me and I will never let her know I feel this way.

Wolf_angel October 17th, 2011 08:01 AM

As one of six children and seeing my older sisters interact with our mother, I choose not to do what they did. Maybe if they had thought differently if things were different. But they choose what they wanted for their own reasons. Our mother is now past on, and soon will be with my sisters who I havent seen in almost ten years give or take all together. Yes its a choice, yet some feel the need to be useful. Then it becomes like an expected norm for the those dependent on that one. What happens when that one cant do it anymore? The safety net falls. Yet who is taking care of that one? No one usually. Hence I am grabbing my boot straps and keep on moving forward as best as I can. I choose to do what I must for myself. Now unlike others I give my promise I keep it. Yet one support you in your dreams and the next thing you see is them pulling the rug out from under you since they believe you are deserting them. Well I have no one to depend on. I have to get my life in order to support and take care of myself. So we shall see when this person who pulled the rug finds out what I actually meant!


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