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-   -   I need some opinions! (http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showthread.php?t=2525)

chucktaylors July 1st, 2012 02:12 AM

I need some opinions!
This is really awkward for me and I have no idea where to begin. So here goes...
A few days ago my boyfriend and I were just spending time together and I took a picture with his phone. I went to check how the picture turned out when I noticed the picture next to it was of a girl I didn't recognize. So curious, I click on the picture and it turns out to be a video...
The video happens to be of a porn site where people can webcam with each other. So this recording is just of some girl and she's staring into her webcam and watching and other stuff. But what intrigues me is that somewhat cut out of view is the title, "you" which is referring to his cam but it's out of view and I can't see who's in it.
So I'm bothered and I ask him what it is. He quiets... then he says, "oh that must have been downloaded." So I'm staring and I just can't remember that last time we've done something like that because he knows I don't like it. So I ask bluntly, "is this of you alone?" and he says, "no." And I sit there staring at him and he says, "well I recorded it while you were going down on me."
So what's bothering me is that he changed his story. He had a moment where he paused and had a difficult time telling me what it was. I can't remember him ever recording with his phone. I feel awful. He tried so hard after that to makes things better which made me feel worse because it felt like he was trying to apologize for something... I feel cheated on and honestly it's as close as it comes to being physically being cheated on. I want to talk to him about it again but I don't want to come across as insecure. I'm so lost.

Ojibwe July 1st, 2012 10:57 PM

Wow, I can't believe nobody has posted on this yet. That is a tough one, girl. Well, my name's Danielle. Im 27. First of all, in my opinion, before you address this with him again, you need to decide what IS ok with you, and what IS NOT. After you've done that, you address the things that are NOT ok. Call him aside and tell him you've been putting it off, but it needs to be talked about or its gonna stew and cause resentment. And that's a fact. it will. Tell him you feel that way, cheated on. Cause honestly, i would. And let him know that the simple fact is that when you settle down with someone, your agreeing to be done "fishing". And you want a calmer lifestyle. If that is NOT what he truly wants, then hes in the wrong relationship. Men have to have it put simply and to the point. And the more organized your argument is, the less insecure you appear. Because your clear, you know what you want, and what is "not ok with you". And just tell him, if he doesnt want this lifestyle, that's ok. But he has to decide. Because its not fair to you to be inbetween. I really hope this helps your situation. And i have tons more on this subject if you're still lost. This site will email me if you post back on this. So feel free to let me know if you need to discuss this more. I just feel so bad for you honey. I hope i can help. ~ D.

Synful_Poet July 2nd, 2012 02:50 PM

I think, Danielle said it right....i totally agree with her...

Good luck with everything.

Jennifer23 July 2nd, 2012 09:55 PM

Me too. I agree with everything that Danielle said.

And Syn, do we agree on everything because both of us are nuts? I think that we're nutty in a good way.

supergirl July 4th, 2012 06:01 PM

Hello there,

This is bang out of order, you need to let him know that this is not acceptable and that it will not be happening again!!!How do you feel about the subject now?

Wolf_angel July 5th, 2012 07:47 AM

BTW that is illegal...you didnt give consent to be videotaped. Get the image or video deleted then delete him out of your life. Lack of trust would be the issue. Hugs

chucktaylors July 7th, 2012 03:59 AM

Thank you for responses.
I sat down with him and it didn't pan out the way I wanted. I did most of the talking and he seemed ashamed because he kept his head down. So I was able to tell him how I felt about it but I guess by the end of the conversation, I got nothing in return. I feel better that I told him what was on my mind and that I new he was alone and he didn't negate it. He said he was sorry and would try to make things right... So frustrating because in the back of my mind I just think that translates to, "I'll be more careful next time."
I do appreciate your support because it made me feel like I wasn't crazy for feeling that way.

Wolf_angel July 8th, 2012 07:35 PM

No worries chucktaylors! I would still let him know he violated your rights and thus can be charged and restitution can be sought for you. Have a great day!:)

Rachael815 July 8th, 2012 09:11 PM

I think i would move on unless he is cheating on you

Ojibwe July 11th, 2012 06:48 PM

Im so glad you mentioned it to him. Cause bottom line is, that was for you. If talking about it doesnt change him.... well that's just how its gonna be. But at least you didn't go unnoticed, and you feel confident that you defended yourself. He's gonna be who he is no matter what the outcome of the discussion, but now you know what your capable of. And that's alot more than many women can say for themselves. Good job, girl.

Jennifer23 July 15th, 2012 09:06 PM

Like Danielle said, good job girl! People are people, but we have to find the right person.
Too often women turn the other cheek when confronted with issues. Well, we shouldn't.

Synful_Poet July 23rd, 2012 06:42 PM

I agree with Danielle and Jen....glad you spoke up!

You're right, Jen. I think we do agree on just about everything. ;)

Jennifer23 July 23rd, 2012 06:47 PM

We pretty much do, Syn. And now we can include Grace Potter!

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