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Old July 30th, 2001, 05:26 AM   #2
No_More_Attitude
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5
Unhappy eating disorders

First I want to respond to the previous post; I am sorry I didn't get your name. Why do women have a problem with their bodies? I think in part it has to do with the slender women people see on TV, not to mention the anorexic looking models that grace the covers of magazines...and let's not forget peer pressure! Peers can be the worst because they are so hard on one another. I suspect that carries over to adulthood. I also believe family can have a part of that. Families, without realizing it, can be cruel.

Second of all, I've been thinking. I'm in recovery for an eating disorder and I thought I joined an online support group, boy was I wrong! I saw people, adults including asking one another for tips on "fooling the scales" and I became angry.

To me, somebody who has survived, I see an eating disorder as dancing with death. Too bad Death doesn't care if you miss a step and It takes over. I wish people knew what it was like to lose a friend to this horrible disease...to not be able to attend a funeral...or even worse, not know if a cherished friend is alive or dead.

I'm no better, I danced, but I'm winning. It doesn't mean I'm satisfied with the way I look, quite the contrary, but I have no desire to do some fancy footwork with Death again, because I doubt I'll win.

There's not enough voices to tell the truth. To explain what it's like to go to bed hungry, but wake up to do situps, go jogging, or make yourself so sick you pass out. How does a person explain that you become so consumed by the disease that the pleas, cries, and begging that family and friends do to get you to eat becomes a source of pride? How do you explain that you no longer care and sometimes wish death would win? Even better, how does one explain what it's like to get past it? To live...to be alive...and to enjoy it? Yes, it's a part of my life, but it no longer rules me. At times I feel alone, but then I remember...is it worth it? The answer is no. Why? I want to live.

K.
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