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Old February 8th, 2011, 12:18 PM   #1
Mary101
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Angry Loss of my marriage

I was always certain, that despite our problems my husband would never cheat on me. He was may things but never unfaithful. So, after 24 years together I got the shock of my life to find text messages on his phone to and from another woman. They were messages that reeked of new love. I knew something was up but told myself he was still getting over the loss of his brother and had not quite been the same. He hadn't touched me in weeks - when he ahd ways been an affectionate person. He was only ever happing talking about the new sort he had joined he totally disregarded me and the kids. He was moody, he'd walk around with his ipod headphones on and had really disenaged from us. I still didn't think though it would be another woman. The thing that hurts the most is that he can no longer love me but he can love her. I wonder what is so wrong with me. I dedicated my whole life to our family. I supported him through his depression, through the loss of his parents and brother. I fell like he chose her because I was not good enough. I did not fit in with this new sport he became fanatical about, whereas she did. She is everything that I am not and I am pretty sure that if I had become involved with the sport I wouldn't be sitting here now. I feel like such a fool and loser. I have never been with abother man. And here I am 40 and I will be alone. Our kids are nearly ready to leave home. All the plans we made about travelling and enjoying empty nest time are gone. I will be alone. I put my heart and sole into our family and I don't think I can go through that again with someone else. I have read all of the article about husbands cheating and they all say that I will recover eventually but the pain now is just ripping my insides out and it certainly doesn't feel like I will recover. I have a relativley new job with huge responsibilities and if I don't do that properly a lot of people will suffer. And then ther are our kids. We haven't told them yet. I only found the texts 2 days ago. We are going to tell them tonight. And then there are the practicalities how do we split our money uo, sell the house pay our joint bills?? I don't know how this goes and I don't know if I can cope. I will have a brave face for my kids and job but I will feel that burbing inside for a very long time.
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