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Old April 11th, 2011, 10:41 PM   #23
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Please, please help

I've been married for 25yrs but I have never been "in love". I met someone that I work with 9yrs ago. 8years ago we had our first kiss and began a sinful relationship. He always made me feel like I was the only one in his life and made me feel guilty for going home to a family. In October 2010 I found out that he was also seeing this other girl that he swore he would never date. I found out that he had been messing around with her for 3yrs. I could figure it out since I was with me all the time. Anyways, he assured me that everyone was lying to me about her and that I was the one that he cared for. I was his number 1. 2wks later he admitted everything. He then decided to dump me because he did not want to do bad things anymore. However, he still hooked up with me a few times more. It wasn't until I spied on him and found out that he was still seeing her that everything blew up. In the following 5 months that he supposedly gave her a commitment he continued to ask about me and told a friend that he thinks of me everyday. During our years together he has told me that he love me but he never elaborated on to what extent and I never pushed. But when I lost him is when I realized that I was actually in love with him. I waited and then 3wks ago he texted me and had broken up with her. We hooked up for the evening. Within a 14hr period we had sex 3x's, he kissed me like he had never kissed me before so passionate, we talked and he still looked at me and touched me the way he did before. Him and I has always had a very passionate attraction to one another, Even after the years past we were still very attracted as if it was the first time we met. But after I left I found out that for the next day and 1/2 he had cried and said that his feelings for me were not there anymore. After a lengthy conversation for a few days, I even asked if we could remain friends and he said that it would not be healthy. What does this mean? Is he so stubborn that he is hiding is true feelings for me and lying? He is a very difficult person to get the truth out of. But if you did not have feelings for someone would you cry for 2 days? If you really love someone, you can't be friends with them, right? I even asked if he and I should try to spend some time together again and he refused is that because he knows that he has feelings? I don't understand. He is claiming that after 8yrs only 5 months away from each other has taken all that away. I think I'm going crazy. I told him that this time would not be the same, I would leave to be with him. His ex texted me and said this "he has feelings for you. He denies what he feels the deepest for, you know this. You have what I can only wish for. Open your eyes as I have" I need someone to analyze this for me. I'm desperate and I don't know if I need to give up or continue. In one hand, I believe you should fight for what you feel is right but on the other hand do I? I've always had a wall up and never been in love until him. I was ready to give up 25yrs for him I knew exactly what I wanted and all I needed for him to say was that nothing has changed for him. HELP!
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