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Old June 20th, 2011, 02:33 PM   #24
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5
"Sorry to say I am having doubts about the genuineness of these posts by Jackie...Just a gut feeling."

Sistergirl, I must say that I was offended by your post. That is something a person in my position fears hearing...being doubted, not genuine in what I am saying or feeling. This usually happens from people who have not been there or who just don't understand. Curious as to what your 'gut' feeling is. Just because I am not able to visit the boards as often as I would like or respond as quickly as you would like doesn't mean my posts are not valid. Also, putting my name out there is not something I have shared with this board, I used it on your board as I felt it was smaller and more private...a bit safer? Please do not take this response as an attack (as I always read the rules and abide by them).

Let me share more info as to what is happening in my life: A year and a half ago we went to Oregon, packed up a home here we had lived in for over 15years, I took a leave from my job (intuition told me not to quit, as I may be able to escape and come back to it?), and explored options there (Oregon). My husband has a home based job (why 'he is always around'). The home he was looking to buy in Oregon did not pan out (long story--in short the water was tainted--a spring, not a well, and did not pass loan process). It was while I was in Oregon that I first visited this board WOW (March), and since then we have repacked and came back to California. What a nightmare, not only did the Uhaul we were renting get stolen after we arrived (good thing we emptied it the nite before) but the renter that was living in our home had damaged it considerably! The house had been under construction most of the 15 years we had lived in it, and was 'Sale ready' when we left. Needless to say, it has been hectic.
I have been re-establishing my work, my doctors, and found a new counselor. When I saw her last week I finally confided in her my 'Plan B'. I had been sharing my story and felt a trust with her. The visits are only an hour long every other week (that's all I can afford at this time). I have been working on my leaving for some time now, and have been gathering important paperwork, reports, and information that will be beneficial. One good thing that did come out of the trip to Oregon.....things I would like to take with me are PACKED, yay! Whether I get to take them or not...who knows...but it has given me another ray of hope. You see, I am prepared to leave with nothing, whatever it takes (just hard to swallow...real hard). Here is one of my dilemmas....HEALTH insurance. When I leave I will no longer have Health insurance. I will probably have to leave my job, along with family and friends (understand I will have to disappear, go far away, as not to put anyone else in line of danger). My health is not good, I was diagnosed with HCM (heart) 3 years ago and it has only been getting worse. On a plus side, I have notified a Women's shelter to volunteer work (in hopes of exchange for at least counseling) waiting for response. I need to close for now....please understand, I am genuine, a real person with feelings, and appreciate all of your sharing and advice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart....

Lillybug aka Jackie

p.s. There are no young children in my home, my son is grown....will share that story when I get a chance
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