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Old June 28th, 2011, 04:37 PM   #27
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I have been in love with Phil since I was 21 years old. I'm 43 now. I'm very happily married, but I'm not in love with my husband the way I am with Phil. I have gone through many stages in the last many years...some where I would validate my feelings and totally go with the feeling of being in love, then I would deny myself even thinking about Phil for fear I might say his name out loud. Once I got rid of all pictures of him, then years later I found some negatives and had them printed out. I keep them hidden.

I have harbored this secret within me and no one in my entire life knows how I feel about Phil. I guess just knowing that I am not the only woman in the world feeling the way I do is a comfort to me. But it's really hard. Right now I'm in between acknowledging my feelings and getting ready to put them back on the shelf again. Sometimes it makes me feel like half a person. Other times, I feel like such a fool that I would even love someone this long.

In case you're wondering, I did lose contact with him for a long time. I paid a locator service online and they found him for me. After my first divorce, I called him and found that he was married and had a 12-year-old stepdaughter. He sounded the same and even said that if I was ever in .... to give him a call. I never went there and never did call him again. Now I'm married and have a 1 1/2 year old son and am so happy about that. I wouldn't change anything for the world. But I had to know that I'm not alone in this feeling.

Thanks ladies for being out there and being honest about your feelings.
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