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Old October 24th, 2011, 03:02 PM   #74
celebratingwomen
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Edmonton, Canada
Posts: 11
I understand that this is a support forum but I have to say that I cannot support any of you thinking about having an affair. If you think your life is complicated now, acting on those feelings will only spiral your life out of control. Don't turn a blind eye to what the rammmifications and conseqences will be for your kids and your husbands. Not just in the short term but also in the long term of their life.

If you are unhappy in your marriage either work on making it better or leave. But why are you expecting so much less of yourself by lying and being deceiptful. Is this who you really want to become?

I want to ask you this. Those intense sexual feelings that you are having about these men, you at some point had with your husbands. Did it last? No. So what makes you think it will last with these men? The reason those feelings dissipated is because you both chose not to make that part of your relationship a priority. When was the last time you texted your husband dirty messages of what you would like to do to him once the kids are in bed. Or left a message on his work voicemail saying that the kids will be set up with a movie once he got home and you will be waiting in the shower for him? If you are craving this in your life than you need to create it with the person you said you would be loyal too.

I would also be interested in knowing how well you communicate with your husbands? Are you able to share when you are unhappy? Are you able to express your expectations? If not, than you will continue to have the same problems with these other relationships if they last. The statistic is 3% of men will marry the woman they have had the affair with. That statistic also does not mean that it lasted.

I have been with my husband for 20 years. Married 10 out of those and we have kids. Let me tell you that even after all that time I have a very active and passionate love life. Are we lucky? Absolutly NOT! It's because we both choose to make it the best marriage ever since we decided to share our life. I have always told my husband that if he ever fell out of love with me and did not want to be with me exclusively, to at least give me the respect in telling me that he wanted out. I would be crushed and devestated but I know eventually I would be able to heal move on. That I can respect. But to be lied to and to sneak around is a cowardly move. I really hope this gave you something to think about before you make a decision that you might regret.
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