Thread: Loss
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Old November 5th, 2011, 04:00 PM   #8
Wolf_angel
A survivor of chaos
 
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 3,147
My feelings....I hate it when another tells me how I feel about something. Like they know what I am thinking and etc. When they dont know what I am thinking of. What may be ticking me off or upsetting me. Nor the things I have done to prove that I am who I am. Right now I am very mad at myself. Sad over the loss of another who I thought was going to keep their promise. Happy surprised and yet sad over comments made to me by my younger son and oldest grandson. Feeling like Karma thinks I deserve to be left alone, unworthy and not lovable by any man. Yet as I sit here fighting back the tears, I dont think anyone has any right to tell another how they feel. If this makes you mad at me I apologise for that. Yet I know what I have done, how I kept my word aka promises, how I strive to become a better person, how I have to keep on going. Yet right now I want to cry buckets of tears because I can. Although I will limit it cause it will make me eat the wrong things, shoot my bg's up just cause they can, forget to eat. Let alone do what must be done. Yet no one there to hold me while I cry No one to support me No one to love me as I am. No one to care if I am happy or whatever. No one there anymore. So I know this maybe a diatribe for others but its mine and how I feel right now. I dont want pity, sympathy or anything. I just want my Mom but she is passed on since 2001. So thus I have no one at all. Needless to say very lonely and such will be my life til I die. For now I have no trust in a man who one day decides that illegal drugs is better than me. And if you feel you dont want to or can be my friend anymore that is ok too. Just remember I always want the best for others despite what I am going thru now.
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