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Old February 10th, 2012, 12:11 PM   #1
gottahavehope
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1
Question Is it wrong to not like the "norm"?

Hello, I'm new here. I just needed advice, from a woman. Preferably a few. I'm nineteen years old, just nine days from being twenty. I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for four months now. I actually live with him.

My issue is, I have very low confidence. I never really felt good about myself. At least physically. I do love my personality, heart, and mind however. I love my sense of humor. I love my laugh and I just basically love all what's of me on the inside. I really dislike my body. I'm a large young lady. Very overweight. Now, I don't want to fall into the category of the average human being. Most would say "Oh, then work out, eat healthy and you'll feel better", the thing is, my thought process is thinking "learn to love yourself, accept yourself, appreciate yourself," not to alter it to what I believe someone else would like and therefore their reaction making me feel better. Does that make sense?

Now, my boyfriend (just like most males explaining the use of "norm") likes to check out other women. He would watch porn and handle his business in front of me. We would be in the car and he nearly breaks his neck to turn his head to look at a more fit woman.. And already meeting him with my low self esteem, this made it extremely worse. I sat back for a while, and took it in that he finds other women more attractive than me, because it's portrayed as normal behavior from a male. Why is that so accepted? When I even began to have romantic feelings towards him, I altered how I interacted with males all in general.

Anyway, so, one night we were at the shoe store. (go figure haha) and I picked out my shoes and we were at the register, one of the employees was a very attractive female. He stared her down so hard I thought lasers would should from his eyes to somehow tear her clothes off.. She was aware he was looking, she was aware I was looking at him looking at her, but all he saw were her breasts and nice figure..

That night, I had enough. I broke down in front of him in the car. I didn't say "I hate when you.." or "Why do you.." I simple asked him "Am I crazy or do you stare at women whenever you get the chance?" He was honest, he said he did. Now, if I had confidence, I don't think I'd hurt so much, even if I still had my body. But you know what? After I spilled my guts, and he finally seen me cry over it for weeks, everyday. He finally noticed how I'd get quiet around women. He really felt horrible. He finally would stay up until I stopped crying everynight, he'd hold me and he is now showing me that he cares, that he's sorry, and that he loves me. That's all I wanted. He's changed a lot. And I feel much better compared to those few weeks ago. I still have my moments, but everyone does, you know?

All in all, I'd like to know if it's okay to feel the way I did? Is it okay to actually not like what is "normal" behavior of a male? I watch television shows and just see married men in sitcoms lusting over other women, and their wives accepting it.. I think it's repulsive.. Is that weird I feel differently than what represents love and relationships?

Thank you in advance for advice, or even if you just read this.
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