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Old May 1st, 2012, 01:13 AM   #2
Synful_Poet
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: IA
Posts: 540
Okay...so for me it was a long time before I even let myself think about it. Okay how about some back ground...

I spent my entire childhood (yes until I was 18) in rural Iowa, the closest town had a pop. of less than 600 people. Homosexuality was never even mentioned in our household, and I mean never. I hadn't even heard the words dyke or lesbian until they were directed at me when I was in seventh grade. You would have thought that might have been a clue, right... wrong.

So life went on, I'd been with my husband for five years before I gave in and married him (pressure from outsiders is a horrible thing, always go with your own instincts).

So life goes on some more, and about four years ago I have this horrible accident at work and my entire life changes overnight. So suddenly I have all this time to just think and I realized I wasn't happy and more importantly why. Long story short... I realized I'd been compartmentalizing my life and how could I really be happy if I wasn't whole. I'd also realized during that time that I'd always thought that women were the more appealing sex... physically, emotionally, intellectually... on every level. All of that was in one of those compartments I never allowed myself time to think about until then.

Now, knowing it and accepting were two different things for me. It took me about nine months to know I was a lesbian but it took me almost another three years to accept it. I know, three years is a long time for denial but I just kept thinking - How can I be a lesbian, I'm married and we have three kids? Wouldn't I have known before now? - Oh but life can be a fickle ***** sometimes.

The thing that actually helped me a lot in the actual accepting... a book. Yep, a book. Married Women Who Love Women helped me understand that 1. I wasn't the only one that had gone through this, 2. It's not uncommon for some women to realize they're lesbian after they've had children, and 3. there are no set of rules and regulations dictating how a lesbian has to live their life.

So, I guess, my point, at least in the last two paragraphs, is that maybe it's not so much that you don't know that you're a lesbian. Maybe it's more a matter of accepting it and figuring where to go from there... or maybe not. Something to think about though.

So there's my story. I've never actually told anybody any of this before (with the exception of my husband) and here I am putting it on the web. LOL How's that for accepting who I am and being comfortable with it. I hope it helps.

And you thought you're post was long.
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