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Old May 3rd, 2012, 03:12 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: IA
Posts: 540
Okay, so I'm probably going to be all over the place bare with me.

I'm pretty new to this situation as well , and I do understand how frustrating and complicated it can be.

First, don't use the words, "I think I'm a lesbian" or "I think I might be gay". In my experience, these words (think and might) leave room for doubt; and will most likely lead your husband to the conclusion that you're not "sure"...that maybe you're just bisexual and in that case, things don't have to change much...that maybe he's not trying hard enough. I regret using these words!

For me... I love my husband, I'm just not in love with him. I feel bad that I can't reciprocate the feelings he shows to me. No, I take that back, I feel like garbage because I can't do that for him. When I came out and told my husband that I was a lesbian; he said that he was okay with it and that he would try to be understanding. As the weeks have gone by though, I know he doesn't understand and I'm not sure he ever will. Sometimes I just wish he didn't love me so much...that we had a horrible marriage because then I wouldn't have to worry about how I'm breaking his heart. I mean how am I supposed to justify my happiness over his. Ugh, the whole thing just SUCKS!!

But i digress...

Honestly, I just don't think there is any good way to tell someone who loves you that it's impossible for you to feel the way they feel. This is who you are, don't ever apologize for that.

As for your friend...well... Okay, so although I'm not in love with my best friend, I still hesitate to tell her I'm a lesbian. I just don't think I could take a rejection of that magnitude, from her of all people. So, I get that part anyway. You said that you're friend has been struggling with her feelings as well. I take this to mean that perhaps she thinks she could be a lesbian as well. If I'm wrong in my assumption then disregard everything I'm about to say. If I'm right, however, I would suggest talking to her about why she thinks this or has these feelings. Who knows...maybe, just maybe, she feels the same things you do.

Okay, I think that's all I've got. I hope you can find something useful in all that mess above. I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep me posted as to how things are working out for you; I'd really like to know. Have a great day!
"Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates
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