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Old May 12th, 2012, 01:52 PM   #1
missy787
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 2
Let's get right to this....

Hello everyone. I'm needing to talk to someone. Anyone. Before I get swallowed by the grief I feel.

I guess I should start by telling you that my dad had suffered years with multiple sclerosis. He was the strongest man I ever knew. I remember many times when he was hurting, and wanted to lay around, butt would still get up, and push through his day. As a little girl I wanted to find a cure for my daddy. I wanted to save him, and take his pain away.
Over the years the realization that that may never happen had set in. I felt so bad. I continued to pray for a cure. He was diagnosed with diabetes, and acute kidney failure. His left kidney was not functioning at all. Dr's kept giving us time limits, and due dates for him. Only to see him out live the Dr's expectations. Last year he started having issues with his right kidney.
In February of this year my mom was diagnosed with conjestive heart failure, and my dad was there with her thru her hospitalization. He was worried about her. She was told with proper diet, and exercise she could live with this illness 20-30 more years. She was sent home with the orders for more out patient testing. She has been doing her testing.
In March my dad had taken a turn for the worse. He had pneumonia, and everyday my mom was telling me that he was doing better and that he would be going home in (x) days. He gets this every year, an that he was just having a relapse. A few days later I get a call and the Dr is saying that my dad will need dialysis 24/7 that his right kidney is not functioning, and without dialysis, or the meds they are keeping him on he wouldn't live very long, and with dialysis, and meds he could live up to 6 months longer. My head was spinning. They left the decision up to my dad. It was his choice. I just told him that I supported whatever decision he made, and I would be there for him no matter what.
He didn't give his decision right away. He thought about it for a few days. When the Dr came in on that Friday my dad told him that he was ready to go home. That God would take care of him. The Dr threw his hands up in the air, and turned and said.... "There is nothing else I can do for you." He released my dad from the hospital that day. Three weeks later my dad died, and was creamated.
I had a memorial for him, and it had a good turn out. I was glad to see so many friends and family members show up. We had a balloon release at the end of the service, and it was really nice.
The only issue I have now are the dreams. I dream he is still alive fighting for his life. That my brother is wanting me to be there. I miss him so much. I find myself thinking about him all the time. I have no one to talk to because it is like everyone else has moved on already.
Oh and my mom has a proceedure this Wednesday to see if there is a blockage in the left side of her heart. If they can find it they will put stints in to open it up, but if they can't find it she will need exploratory surery.
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