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Old August 31st, 2012, 11:43 PM   #1
robotkitty
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2
He may be too good for me.

To put into perspective my current mental state: I endlessly resent myself for living. So much so, I noticed today that I stopped eating. For the last 3 months, I have eaten only to satistfy those around me. I didn't even think about it. When people would ask me if I ate, I would lie. I have only realized this today after feeling unwell for months.

If you were to meet me, you would never suspect that something was lurking. Particulary because I avoid talking about my problems at all costs.

I recently ended my 2 year relationship with my live-in girlfriend because of her depression. I moved back to Canada to be away from her (in Europe). That relationship was very consuming. I have not paid attention to myself in years, but when I did 'pay attention' I was consumed with my suffering: I isolated myself in my apartment and was in the grip of crippling social anxiety.

Now I met someone new. Without looking, I found an amazing man. He's the most attractive, educated (phd!), considerate person I have ever dated. Only problem is he has depression and anxiety. He's in his mid-thirties and seems to be managing it with homopathy. He's very communicative about his mental health and needs. He is extremely fit and takes health seriously.

Like me, you would never guess he has trouble. He is extremely well put together. Only big difference is that he is honest about his struggles. I haven't told him about mine, but he has noticed and is concerned (particularly that I have lost so much weight while out of the country). We have been seeing each other for 3 months non-exclusively (2 months I was in another country). Outwardly, I am a very confident person. I'm a performer and very (seemingly) social. He goes on that he is so impressed with my confidence because he is such a shy person.

My question:
Should I take time to 'take care of myself' instead of pursuing this relationship OR will that just lead to me isolating myself again?
Is getting involved with another person with depression and anxiety only going to fan the flames of my struggle, OR can I learn how to manage our shared experience by learning from him?

Do I dive into love OR head to shallower waters?

I'm in my late twenties. I want to get married and have children. I also want to get my phd and never expected to be ever involved with someone with the same aspirations. And... I'm in love with him.

If the answer is go for it, then how do I battle this relentless voice that tells me he's too good for me (and will one day find out)? How do I be honest with him about my storming when my 'confidence' attracts him?
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