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Old May 5th, 2001, 12:22 PM   #3
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Unhappy Obssessed

I am completely obssessed with body image, food and am terrified to go back to the gym after being away for a good year and a half. I have a history of compulsive eating, low self-esteem and distorted body image. I even went into treatment for 30 days.
I've had a really rough year...I lost my mother to cancer and was trying to find a job that would pay my bills. It's been difficult. Now I'm trying to pick myself back up and just do it but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will mess up. I want to join the gym again (an all womens gym right around the corner from home) but in order to get the lowest rate I would have to sign for three years....and this committment scares me. I sound to myself like I'm whining and that just annoys me. I just dont understand why I can't get it together. It's such a ridiculous cycle of anger, self-punishment, sadness and failure. I used to be a WOW about 3 or 4 years ago. Right before Beck passed away. The chats and the boards were really helpful. Reading what everyone else had going on in their lives was comforting. I suppose it helps to know that I"m not the only one with issues. Thanks for listening.
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