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Old September 5th, 2011, 08:47 PM   #52
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 6
Hello everyone,

I am new to this discussion forum site and have similar issues as a married woman who loves another man other than my husband. This isn't the first time I have felt that way before. I have been with my husband for 5 years and married for 3 years. I am happy with him because we have learned to grow up with each other and went through many rollar coastal obtacles. We were both 19 and met each other online before meeting in person. He also treats me like a queen, such as spoiling me, helping around the house or I should say appartment, tells me how beautiful and sexy I am, and how much he loves and misses me. I thought once I got married, the temptations of infatuations would go away, but I was wrong there. I worked at a restaurant where there where mostly women and some men working there. I didn't have the desire to look around at other men and very devoted to my husband. Once I quit that job, I found a janitorial job that paid me more than I did at the restaurant job. I get into my new role, and the first person I worked with, I felt infatuated once he started to notice me more by staring at me, joking around, and getting extremely comfortable talking random stuff to me. I kept telling myself that I was going through my crazy hormonal changes before having a monthly, but it kept going on until he quit. Thank god. I try to give myself the reason with the person that I am infatuated with a few things that I would not stand to live with such as using drugs and too much drinking, etc to get me out of that funk and appreciate my husband more. Then another guy comes in a month after me, and at first it was just random friendly gestures of hellos every now and then and random talks. I thought he was a huge punk. Then a month goes by and his random friendly gestures became more frequent than other co-workers around him that he greets. He always smiles at me when we walk by and says hi or what's up or random small talk. I started to notice that more to the point that his gestures were cute and melted my heart and that his small talks to me were more personal like talking about his dark side of his life, etc. Our small talks became more like wanting to know each others personal life and pasts. When I talk to him, he doesn't judge or critizcise me for what I think and I do the exact same thing when he talks about what he feels. We found out we have very similar interests, points of view, and past issues and memories when it came to growing up and dating. I felt so comfortable talking to him about anything I felt was on my mind that I eventually told him that I had a crush on him. I gave myself an excuse to take a break beside him, walk to the parking lot together, follow him to different areas (not stalking him), and park our cars beside each other. I have also flirted with him and he would do it back. I would also give him a compliment, but he wouldn't do that except that I was a funny person. When I told him I had a crush on him, I expected a horrible rejection, but instead he was very sincere and politely had to reject me in that voice tone of that kind that had the indication that he felt the same way about me but have to fight it off with his logical sense that first I am married and it wouldn't work out and second dating a co-worker would feel awkward because it would cause problems. I talked back with logical sense knowing that it wouldn't work out and agreed with dating co-workers issue but needed to get my feeling out and saying if I was single, I would date him. I have also told him that his past ex-girlfriends and ex-fiancee don't understand how lucky they are to have a guy like him and I would be a supportive girlfriend like he wants out of a girl if it were possible. He told he suspected something different about me and knew that I had a crush on him, but he wasn't sure. Then when our shift was over I caught up to him and asked him if I freaked him out and if we can stay good friends regardless of how I feel. He said that I did not freak him out and was cool with how I needed to get that out of my chest and yes we can remain good friends. Plus he gave me a joke of not stalking him, and I joke back that does he believe that I am psycho, and he says well I don't know. I held my tears back when he had to slowly reject me and I was afraid to lose our friendship. I had mixed feeling when I told him I had a crush on him such as sadness, happiness, relief, regret (of my marriage), and disappointment. I longed for that spark of lust, emotional support, being socially outgoing, and having very common interests that somehow diminished when I am with my husband.

My husband is very extremely attached to me and says that he doesn't wonder his eyes around other ladies. He does, but not to have fantasies and what not. When I talk about what is going on in my life like work, he has to make sarcastic remarks or just is silent as a ghost when I tell stories. With the guy I work with, he asks questions and comments to make the conversation more interesting. Plus when I did meet my husband for the first time, we were the most insane and messed up couple ever, such as fighting a lot, and sometimes it got to the extreme of emotional abuse and control that I have threatened to leave him and I would back down because I felt at the time I would never find anybody else and he would charm his way in my heart. It kept going until I bit him in the butt about that issue to the point I had him taste his own medicine, despite my friends' and family's warnings to leave him. Ever since he hasn't done that to me. He also hates to make very many friends like I do. Despite his crazy flaws of sacastic remarks, being anti-social, obsessed with working out, etc., he has also done a lot for me, such as getting me somewhat out of debt, helping me out with the littlest things, and standing up for me if anybody picked on me. He used to get really jealous everytime I talked to a guy and make it seem like I was going to sleep with that guy. When he gets really upset, he has a very bad tantrum which scares me to death, but luckily he has controlled that. His family gets in the way too by causing too much drama over stupid things.

I feel like I am going to burn in hell everytime I love someone else other than my husband and obsess about it. Luckily after reading these posts I am not the only one who has these problems. I learned it was normal to feel that way as long as I don't act upon it (that is how I was raised in a christian family setting) After I told that guy I liked him, he told that I have to get over that feeling, but easier said than done. I have been drowning myself to some drinking and music that relates to how I feel after being rejected and what I am going through. I looked forward to going to work because I get a chance to see that guy everytime and have the same days off. I am also lucky to have my mother listen to me and my problems despite a little judgement. My mother is like my best friend to me. She was surprised and shocked when I told her I love somebody other than my husband, and tells me that part of it is I made my own choices and facing the consequences of getting married younger and went to fast. I was 21 when I married my husband. I wish I didn't rebel against my mother and actually listen to her because now I see what she means now. I have no children. I still long for that guy and want to fulfill his ideal girlfriend to possibly spending the rest of my life with him. I don't have that physical attraction about him as I do with my husband, but it's kinda boring. But at the same of thinking of leaving my husband, and being with that guy I am afraid that I may lose both for one, I wanted to leave my husband, and two, if being with that guy doesn't work out and I am all alone. I am 24 years old and that guy is 28. My husband is also 24.
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