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Old August 4th, 2010, 05:06 AM   #1
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Unhappy Someone help me before I lose my mind!

I've been with my husband for 4 years, married for 2 and we have a 2 yr old son. In the beginning of our relationship things were great between us physically and emotionally but the day I found out I was pregnant things started going down hill. I was 19 and he was 18 (still in highschool). He ended up dropping out and we moved in with my parents in a different state. I was 4 months pregnant when we got married in Feburary 2008, our son was born April 2008 (5 months early). The entire time our son was in the hospital my husband didn't seem to care at all. He would visit sometimes and he loved the fact that he was getting so much attention from so many people because our son was born so early. I have dealt with the numerous doctors visits, surgeries, glasses fittings, and so many other things since he was born and I shouldered the brunt of it all by myself. My husband is so dettached it's not even funny. I am beyond frustrated and feel so helpless. 6 months ago my husband got a job as a bouncer at a strip club....yes I agreed to this because we were in desperate need of money and I could not find a job at the time. It wasn't long after that that I found out that my husband had not only cheated on me once, but twice with my cousin's girlfriend who lived with us at the time. I forgave him and tried to make the best of our relationship but things never changed. I recentely moved about 2 months ago with my parents again to get away from everything and try to sort out my life. I got a job and love everything about it. A few weeks ago while I was working the night shift at my job I met a security officer and we hit it off from the beginning. He now calls me every night to talk to me while I work the night shift, he emails and texts me too. I really like him but he's also married. I have never cheated on my husband and I totally disagree with the whole cheating thing. I didn't like it when my husband did it to me and I do not want to do that to him. I'm so confused because I feel like our relationship is done yet a piece of me is holding on for some reason and I just can't figure out why I'm waiting for him when I know he won't change. My husband moved over here about 2 weeks ago because he claimed that he missed me terribly and that he wanted to be with me. I later found out he only moved here because he was living with some friends who couldn't afford the rent anymore in their place and they all had to move out. I am disturbed by this and sincerely regret marrying him. Ever since he moved here he's complained about my family and the fact he has to take care of our son while I'm working. I work graveyard shift at a hotel as Night Auditor and my hours are 11pm-7am. When I get off work I expect to go home and sleep but he'll allow me to sleep for about 4 hours and then bug me to get up because our son is "too much of a handful" for him. I mean he's 2 for goodness sakes what does he expect? I found out a few days ago that he's leaving for Austin, TX to try out for American Idol with his best friend. I don't want him to do it, not because I don't support him but because I need him to get a job and help support our son. I am buying a vehicle from my parents and he is constantly driving it and wasting the gas....I know there are so many crazy things on here but I feel like if I don't get it out I'll explode. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. While I'm at work I get complimented by so many men and I really love the way it makes me feel to know their attracted to me but it also makes me feel so guilty because I'm married. I honestly wish I was single but like I said it's hard to let him go. He's the first and only guy I've ever been with physically and I think that is what's holding me back. Can someone please help me out here????
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