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Old January 12th, 2001, 10:55 PM   #1
ShadowWOW
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Whether it be through death, divorce, or separation, the loss of a life partner can be devastating. You are not alone! Share your stories with us.
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Old June 6th, 2001, 06:26 PM   #2
huee
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i'm not sure if this fits in this category or not ... i found out this week that my 1st love died. he was 27 yrs old, living in another city & i haven't talked to him in about 4 yrs. still, i was pretty shook up. i already grieved once, when we broke up & i realized that i wouldn't be having the life i had dreamnt of w/him. now i'm grieving again, b/c i will no longer be able to think of him at least living some of his dreams.
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Old June 6th, 2001, 08:49 PM   #3
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how sad, huee

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Love is never defeated, and I could add, the history of Ireland proves it. -- Pope John Paul II
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Old June 13th, 2001, 09:24 PM   #4
tupi
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I think there is nothing sadder than finding the person of your dreams and then finding out you aren't the person of their dreams. That kind of reality check is demoralizing.

You know, huee, I can see why you're grieving. I hope when you feel a little less pain, you'll remember the good things about your relationship and concentrate on those. I try to tell myself that I'm a composite character who has been influenced by every person who has walked through my life. Some stayed a while and some didn't, but some of the strongest influences came from those who left, and that's not all bad.
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Old August 26th, 2001, 08:07 PM   #5
arsenic1
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lost love

I hope that this message will show all those women out there that there is life after a lost love. I was married to the men off my dreams for 9 years. We had two goregous child. Then one day i woke up and realised that not everthing was great. I found out that he had been having a filng with some women. I went through personnal hell, on one hand i loved my husband on the other hand he had lied and cheated. I took him to task off the afair. He denyed it. Stupidly i ignored the afair. I so wanted things to be the way they where. I was a fool to myself, i struggled to save a marriage, that couldn't work. I had changed my own goal post to allow him to stay. I did the obvious thing, i became pregnant with our third child. To proof to everyone around that we were happy (how stupid i was). but the rot had set in, he became abuse not just to me but to two children. Three weeks before our youngest was born i finaly told my parents what was going on, and that i was going to leave.

It took me six months to get my husband to leave the materimanal home. Then he disappeared of the face of the earth. It then transpired that over the last two years he had plundered our bank accounts, hadn't paid the morgage for the last six months and they were already taking us to court for the house. It turned out that he left just over ?30,000 debt and i also lost the house.

The local council housed us temporaliy 45 miles away from my two eldest children school in a one bebroom b&b.

This was my lowest point things could not get any worse for us. So i changed my circumstances, i enrole in my local college on an access course. Within a year i had been house in a lovely three bedroom house five minutes from my parents. I had been accepted into Universaty to sudy a BSChon, And i have found a new lease of life. I hadn't realised that the world is a fun place to live, i have made many new friend, but most important of all I AM ME, not somebodies wife, not sombodies mother but me a real person.
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Old November 3rd, 2002, 09:18 PM   #6
PumpkinPatchKid
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How does one react when her husband is wrote up for sexual harassment? Does she get over it? I did in a way, I tried to save my marriage when David was first wrote of for it. It hurt me as his wife that it had happened. He swore it never did. As a wife I did my part and believed him. That was in March of 98.

December of 98 he came home early from work, he said he was wrote up again for sexual harassment. He said the same girl had accused him. As much as it hurt, I trusted him. I was ashamed to walk into his job to shop. Knowing the girl who was accusing me would be there. I thought everyone there knew he was accused of this. He would tell me don`t worry, I love you. I would never do that to anyone!

July of 99 he came home not even an hour ofter he left for work crying. He said he was fired for sexual harassment against 2 girls at work. My heart fell to the ground! I did not know what to say. My husband, the man I love had been accused then fired for sexual harassment! I tried to support him, Gosh I did, but inside I was hurting. And when I would go to him about how I felt it always led into an argument! I learned to live with my pain!

He started a new job and 2 months later was wrote up for the same thing. At this point in time I was pissed at myself more than him. I let myself be downgraded to be fooled by him. I was preggers with our youngest son at the time. And did not know what to do! I mean he did come home to me at night, but yet was being wrote up again for sexual harassment!

6 months ago he was wrote up again. We were moving back to Indpls to be closer to our family. He said he quit the job so he could find one in Indy. 2 weeks later I find out he did not quit, but he was fired for harassment! That was it!

I got my kids and what clothes I could carry and left. I argued with him until my face was blue.
He lied, he betrayed me. My heart was broke! 2 months later we were in front of a judge asking to divorce us after 9 years of marriage! I did not want to be divorced, I wanted to work through this, as we had before! But it was not like before.

We have been divorced three months now, and my life has been total hell. I have to learn do be dependent on myself. `cause he aint there. I have never been on my own before. Before him was my mom. I am learning to deal with this one day at a time! Step by step I better myself. For me and my chidlren.

But will the pain ever go away?
I married my first love. And yes I still love him!
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