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Old January 12th, 2001, 11:30 PM   #1
AuntieWOW
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It's difficult to admit that we can no longer care for our loved ones. How and when do you make this decision?

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Old March 3rd, 2001, 12:30 PM   #2
DLC55
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My dad has always been the picture of health untill he turned 55. He's had heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and cancer in the past 10 years. Along with that, he broke his foot playing golf, had back surgery along with a 5 way bypass and throat surgery.

So far we've been lucky enough to be able to keep him in his own home and take turns taking care of him. He's very active so it's hard to keep him occupied and down for any length of time. This last time, he was so upset because he felt like he was imposing on us. I had to remind him that he was always there for us in one way or the other and that now it was our turn to take care of him. I know not everyone feels that way about their parents, but we do.

We also know that one day, we may not be able to do this for him and may have to decide on an alternative arrangement. I don't think my one sis and I really want to think much about that day as long as we can do what we can to make him comfortable and still feel useful.
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Old March 3rd, 2001, 03:37 PM   #3
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{{{{{DLC}}}}}

Facing aging parents is difficult. There was a time when I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my parents would enter residential care. I "knew" I couldn't care for them. I "knew" I wouldn't have the time or the patience. It's amazing how little I truly knew.

When we faced my mother's terminal illness almost 5 years ago, I suddenly knew I had the time, the energy, the patience and the desire to keep her at home. She wanted to die at home and my first and only response was that we would make it happen. We (my dad and I) did.

My dad is beginning to age now. Not a lot, but enough that I like to keep an eye on him. I know the day will come that I'll be faced with giving him increased care, but I also know that I will do whatever it takes to keep him in his home, at least as long as he has his mind and is able to understand where he is. I know he would never look at it this way, but I owe him that much and more. Heaven knows he has given me more than I can ever repay.
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Old March 3rd, 2001, 03:58 PM   #4
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Hi DLC and MommaD

My parents are 82 and 84, and they are still independent. They live in a very large retirement community where they have their own condo. My mom cleans, cooks, drives, and takes care of Dad. After a catastrophic fall four years ago, Dad spent four months in a hospital, then another two months in a convalescent hospital. He had no choice because he was suffering from a severe head injury and had to have daily physical and speech therapy. When he was finally able to come home, he had a stream of nurses and therapists all day long. This has all taken a toll on my mother, and the thing I fear most is that mother will die before Dad does. I could easily move her into my house, but Dad is headstrong, takes risks, and as a result has--since his original fall--broken his hip.

My mom and dad want to be needed, and this is the most important thing that I can know about them. They are astonished that--given the nature of their lives--they have lived so long. They do not want ever to cause sadness or difficulty for me. I love them very much, and when I think about the time when they will no longer be here, I miss them already. But I also know that life for them becomes harder and more confusing, scary, and painful each day, so for me to want to keep them alive just so I have their company is a feeling that I need to keep to myself. We are blessed to have parents whose company we have loved.
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Old March 3rd, 2001, 04:40 PM   #5
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{{{{MommaD and Lou}}}}

I think one of the reasons we try and keep him close is because mom died so very unexpectedly. At least we know where we stand with dad. It doesn't make it any easier, just more aware. When I say he is very active, well, he golfs almost daily when he can and he works parttime as a bouncer at a bar, rofl. I love that part of him. He's very independant and will go for days to a golf tournament or to Atlantic City. {Heaven help us if we get the 20+ inches of snow they are predicting, he's gonna be a bear<g>}

Lou, I understand the selfish part. I don't know how I'll handle it when my dad is no longer around. Almost like being an orphane, even at this age it doesn't feel good.

MommaD, my sister and I know that we will be the main caregivers if and when that time comes. And like you, I'll gladly do it as long as I can.
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Old October 22nd, 2001, 10:23 PM   #6
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Dance, every post you've been posting tonight is blank. Don't know what the deal is.
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Old October 22nd, 2001, 11:26 PM   #7
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This is very curious, isn't it? Spooky even!
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Old September 4th, 2003, 08:04 AM   #8
gsf
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DLC55 and MommaD and Lou

How are you getting along these days?Last week my mother came out of the hospital.She will attend a hospital to have herself treated for malignant lymphoma and gland cancer.
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Old September 4th, 2003, 02:57 PM   #9
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{{{{{{{gsf & mom}}}}}}}

Best of luck to both of you...that's a rough combination.

My mom, I am grateful to say, is a lymphoma survivor.
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Old September 4th, 2003, 06:11 PM   #10
DLC55
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(((gsf and mom)))

Sadly, my dad died of cancer last year. My sisters and I worked around the clock taking care of him at home until it became evident he needed more than we could give. (Of course a few times it was what we did or didn't do that sent him back to the ER's!)

Im grateful we were able, even for a short time, to care for him in his own comfortable environment.

Being a caregiver isn't easy. There's no glory, only the satisfaction of knowing you did for your parent everything you were possibly able to do in the amount of time they have left. Whether it's around the clock care, or deciding if they should or shouldn't go into a nursing home, it's all part of being a caregiver.

It's a very rewarding job that leaves you with ton's of precious memories. Some that you can laugh at later even if they brought tears the first time around.
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Old September 5th, 2003, 03:17 AM   #11
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LiamFan! and DLC55

LiamFan!,I hope to partake of our feeling with you.DLC55,I respect your effort that you have overcome various worrys of your life.
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