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Old September 5th, 2004, 01:27 PM   #46
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I'm glad to hear that, PBS. And to hear that Lance's destructive behavior was making you fearful. I was/am afraid that the cycle of abuse was starting.

There was a recent post asking about violence toward women that has wonderful information in it. I'll see if I can find it. WA posted some very useful information on it.
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Old September 5th, 2004, 01:40 PM   #47
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The post was under Relationships/Why do I bring out the worst in men?

Interesting reading, and very valuable. Trust me, violence towards objects can very quickly turn to violence toward people. Even after a 6 and a half year relationship. I used to have the xrays to prove that.
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Old September 17th, 2004, 10:14 AM   #48
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2nd Counseling session was just me and lance. went well to my thoughts....we talked about the need to parent TOGETHER instead of separately. Sigh... we'll get through this eventually...I know we will!
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Old September 17th, 2004, 12:02 PM   #49
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(((((((((((POOH))))))) glad the counseling is there for ya!
Now i have a question. Sallvie is developing a very smart mouth attitude. Is this just a stage thing ? Sallvie had lost his tv cause he wasn't cleaning his room again. We kinda lost track of how long we had the tv in our room. Monday night Sallvie said " I better have my tv back in my room Saturday night!" I told him if he kept that attitude up he would be lucky to see his tv back in his room. Sallvie responded " I'm gonna throw your tv out the window". That bought himm a couple extra days of not having the tv. Sallvie is just so mouthy. I am trying so hard NOT to put soap in his mouth.
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Old September 21st, 2004, 04:02 PM   #50
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Sounds pretty much on the normal side for his age. He is starting to want some control, but isn't ready for it yet. Find everything you can for him to make choices about (give him age appropriate control), but make sure he knows your are still the parent. He needs that security as well. He is at the age where I had to be careful with Pirate to make the punishment a natural consequence of the behavior and to make sure it was an appropriate time length for him. Not an easy task, I'll grant you that. This is a battle you will be fighting for a long time time, so choose your battles carefully.


(((PBS))) good for you!
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Old September 21st, 2004, 04:23 PM   #51
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Minty... I just finished reading ...
"How to get your child to mind without losing yours"... it is a "self-help" parenting book based on reality dicipline (what brede was talking about). It is geared more for kids Sallvie's age...I'd recommend it definately!! I checked it out from the library...took me about 7 days to read it front to back in small chunks of time. LOTS of good info on age appropriate "reality" dicipline suggestions!


(((((((MINTY & BREDE & ALL ))))))))))))))))
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Old September 21st, 2004, 04:37 PM   #52
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I lost my post (not terribly unusual). The book sounds like a good one. Even with all my training in counseling, behaviour modification and everything else, Pirate could always throw me for a loop.

I am convinced that he has PTSD (he admits to enough symptoms for the diagnosis). He will be home within 3 months and I will help him find the appropriate help. Meanwhile, I just support him as best I can and offer advice ONLY when asked!

Your kids are kids, no matter how old they are.
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Old September 22nd, 2004, 12:13 PM   #53
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So true Brede! My sister sent me some pictures of one of my great nephews the other day and she said our bro in law didn't look to happy. I pointed out to her that Jhon was probably feeling stressed because he had 3 grand babies within a month of each other and still had a child at home LOL. I was wrong about how close the kids were.. there were two born within 2 days of each other and that one came 4 months later. Jhon has been an excellent father so it just seemed to make sense to me that he would feel the extra pressure of being a grandfather.
I am trying to let Sallvie have choices. I am letting him choose some of his clothing to wear and letting him choose his breakfast in the morning. Oh poop I forgot to make sure he had a snack for first recess. I think I am gonna put a sign on the front door "did you remember snack?" LOL
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Old September 22nd, 2004, 01:14 PM   #54
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LOL! Believe it or not, I DO THAT!! I put a note on the door the night before that says... (FOR ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME!!!) Did you remember your LUNCH??? cuz I leave it on the counter more often than not if I dont' do that!

I also leave the kids notes about special things like fundraiser papers, notes to teachers, etc. and notes to myself about anything I need to take with me to work. I have a horrid memory, so that helps me keep my head above water sometimes!
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Old September 22nd, 2004, 10:03 PM   #55
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((((((((((( PBS, Minty, brede, ))))))))))
PBS, glad the couseling is working out. Hope you got some helpful hints from the book.
Minty, With Sallvie maybe it is the move and having someone else in the house even though he loves her. He may feel it's cutting into his "mommy time". Keep on top of it it will work out.
brede, You are so right in watching the violence against objects.. all of a sudden escalate to being against a person. It happens and sometimes you just don't see it coming.

wish you all the best of luck with finding solutions. ((((((extra hugs just in case you need them. Or just want them .)))))
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Old September 23rd, 2004, 10:23 AM   #56
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(((((((((((((((IRISH))))))))))))))))))))))

Always Always want them... usually need them!

(((((((((((EVERYONE)))))))))))))
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Old September 23rd, 2004, 01:23 PM   #57
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That wonderful man I am married to always makes me a cup of coffee as soon as he comes home from work. Stuck on the wall beside my one-cup coffee maker is a note I put there for him. It says "Put your motorcycle in the garage" and a big smiley face.

I bought myself a PDA, because I always forget things. Then I had to put a note on the coffee table that says "look at your PDA!" If it ain't one darn thing, it's another.
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Old September 25th, 2004, 11:28 AM   #58
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LOL, brede!!
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Old September 25th, 2004, 03:11 PM   #59
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Now, are you beginning to understand why Pirate turned out the way he did???? LOL!!!
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