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Old March 12th, 2003, 04:28 PM   #1
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Rural Dykes

I am a 43 year old lesbian. I have been with my partner for 8 years now. We went through a rough time earlier this year, but got some counseling and things are much better now. We are raising our sons, ages 4 and 1, in Dallas. However, we are seriously considering a move to rural East Texas. I am from a small town and both of us are quite tired of the rat race of living in a city. We have a chance to buy a home on a small lake, and have even learned that the school system is pretty good. I'm wondering, though, about how tough it is for lesbians and their families to live happily ever after in a small town/rural community. If any of you have any experiences you would be willing to share--positive or negative--we'd sure love to hear them. Do your children have a difficult time because their parents are gay? Do you have a tough time meeting other lesbians? (after all, we are everywhere )
It seems as though it could be a great move for us, but I would hate to make such an important decision without feedback and the benefit of others' experiences.
Thanks in advance for your responses!
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Old June 30th, 2003, 08:34 PM   #2
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Well... no rural wimmin here??? I am a rural womyn - and I have found it extremely difficult to find other wimmin with whom I 'connect', and it can be down right dangerous to be out. HOWEVER - I have such a strong desire to live close to the land that I am actually wanting to get further out - right now am living in a fairly large area (town of 40,000) that is completely surrounded by rural ag-based spaciousness. But I can tell you that in the past, I was the target of a outright witch hunt at the hands of ultra conservative closed mindedness. Terrifying.
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Old October 20th, 2003, 08:20 PM   #3
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<font color="midnightblue"> Ack WIllen, not good to go through that at all. I live in a small town in Northern Wisconsin. It's so small the forest is 2 blocks from my house. It's been interesting coming out up here and especially how I grew up. This'll be worth a stare.
I am the "Former Jehovah's WItness who got pregnant,was forced to marry the slow Catholic boy, divorced him and THEN had the audacity to come out and be REALLY out" My parents and my ex in laws live in the town, one a mile from me the other 2 miles from town and small town, everyone knows everyone. The ex's friends think it's a riot his wife left him for a woman, he thinks we will get back together (ahh, NO) and my mother calls my partner by "he" and "him" instead of "she" and "her" cause she isn't handling it well.
Other lesbians ? If there are any thery're all closet cases, ther's no activites around here, no bars or parades or gatherings, so we are pretty isolated. So far kidlet is only in preschool but we're going to wait and see how the whole 2 moms thing goes over with teachers. Most everyone (other than ex's and religious family) kinda shrug it off so we've been pretty lucky. I kind o f rambled on but I thought I would share anyways
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Old October 21st, 2003, 12:12 PM   #4
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(((((((((((((((RAZZIE))))))))) I have been so lucky that Sallvie's teachers haven't even batted an eye LOL. Of course it helped that the afternoon teacher for his headstart class is lesbian . It was nice that I had that support when Sallvie first started going to school. I sorta came out to Sallvie's kindergarten teacher Friday and she didn't seem to be shocked. Of course I done it in a non-threatenly way. I think as long as you don't hold up " I'm different treat me different" signs that you will be treated the same as everyone else. There are bound to be a few that will look, stare, maybe eveen get down right nasty but the whole community is watching to see how you handle it. If you get nasty back you won't get the support you need, if you ignore it as much as you can you will earn respect, don't ever ignore it though if there is a danger to you and/or your family . There are laws in MOST states to protect the GLBT community.
" Life is what you make of it"
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Old June 12th, 2004, 12:21 PM   #5
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I've been living in small towns and cities for the past 10 years. I've had an occassion or two of someone being a bit distance or rejecting me out of hand... I assume it's cause I also LOOK gay. Mostly I find that if you are a good neighbor and friend and make yourself "their Lesbian" they don't much care. They may stone a stranger, but not one they consider to be part of their community. I live in the back woods in WA state...that's one gay IQ point above Idaho! There is kindness and bigotry everywhere. Going softly and not forcing the issue is usually the way to go.
I like being rural.. It's lonely. There are other gays, but I am too new to this town to have found the circuit or whatever... I lived 20 miles from here 20 years ago and it was the same there then.. But there will always be a few people... Just don't buy the house before you meet the neighbors!!*grin*
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Old October 30th, 2004, 12:41 PM   #6
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i must say i consider myself extrememly lucky, or maybe i am just different!! lmao ( shup minty hehe) but i have lived in both small conservative places and bigger more liberal places and i dont give peeps a chance to judge, i simply inform them this is the way it is, like it or lump it. When i was with my partner of seven years i made it clear to all of my sons' schools that this was my partner and she was to be granted the same accord as any step parent. i never really had much of a problem with it either, so maybe this isnt helpful, but i wanted to share .
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Old October 30th, 2004, 04:00 PM   #7
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I think that's lovely pegasus, and it is always inspiring to hear of good experiences.

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Old October 30th, 2004, 10:00 PM   #8
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((((((((((QUIET)))))))) It is so nice to "see" you . ((pegasus))) I ain't gonna say anything but . I don't live in a "rural" community . I have told Sallvie's teacher's that Boo has the same rights as I do as well. Sallvie has even told others that Boo is his second mom.
A few weeks ago when I met my new doc Boo was with me. She introduced herself to me of course then to Boo and asked " You are?" . Boo responded with her name and stated she was my partner. The doc didn't even look shocked.
My personal opinon is if you don't act like being a lesbian is different most people won't either.
" Life is what you make of it"
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Old October 31st, 2004, 08:48 PM   #9
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I really feel for you with the way society acts. Personally, I think society needs to grow up and act like adults. Especially in America with its Bill of Rights. For the President to propose an amendment that would deny the freedoms that we have as inalienable rights is grossly ludicrus. I bet you can't tell who I'm voting for on Tues? LOL
I wanted to be a pirate, but I couldn't grow a beard and rum makes me giggle.
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