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Old May 30th, 2003, 09:03 PM   #1
sassyj203
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i need advice and info

Hi everyone. This is my first time to this board. My problem concerns my ex-fiance'. We broke up about a year ago. At first, we were still in contact with each other but in February I told him to stop calling me because his phone calls were becoming harassing. Needless to say, they didn't stop. For a while, there were a lot of hangups and an occasional message. But in the last few days, it's gotten worse. In the last 24 hours, he's left 6 obscene messages on my home and cell phone. I changed my cell phone number last night and ordered call block on my home phone but he's calling from his cell phone so I can't block him. I started tracing his calls through the phone company. The police are already investigating him because he committed identity theft and paid his utility bill with my checking account. I know in Florida it is against the law to make harassing or obscene phone calls and it also falls partially under the definition of stalking. What do I do? Do I contact my police department? Should I get a restraining order? He hasn't shown up at my house yet, but I am worried that he will because he has a bad temper and a history of domestic violence (that I just found out about). I know I should change my home phone but it's my roommate's # and she's had it for years and it's ridiculous that she should have to change it because of him. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.
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Old May 30th, 2003, 09:56 PM   #2
Cod
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If the police are already investigating him they should definitely know that he is harassing you also. Report that ASAP. Good luck, sassyj
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Old July 25th, 2003, 06:25 PM   #3
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Can you move and not leave a forwarding address or phone number? Pay the extra few dollars to keep you number and address unlisted. it's not ridiculous to change a phone number to keep both of you safe
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Old July 25th, 2003, 11:01 PM   #4
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Maybe she did that Sabra. It's been almost 2 months since that post. I always wonder why they don't come back and let us know.

Alas....
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Old July 30th, 2003, 06:20 PM   #5
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well dang Cod, you're right. I wasn't paying attention
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Old April 26th, 2005, 12:31 PM   #6
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Definately get a restraining order, but still be extremely careful! I was in a DV situation for 4 yrs in FL & had to leave the country to save my life.
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Old April 26th, 2005, 12:46 PM   #7
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I bet I know where you are, Chanel.

Seriously, how frightening. My best to you and to any woman found in that situation.
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Old April 26th, 2005, 08:20 PM   #8
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From my own experience, helping others, record each incident, have an escape plan, DEFINITELY FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER, and you might want to stay at someone elses house until things cool off. Note, change the locks if he has keys. Don't give into the fear!! It will debilitate your life indefinitely, motivating his violent behavior. Investing in a can of mace, gun, or stun gun to protect yourself are other initiatives you can take. Keep us updated!
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Old April 26th, 2005, 09:44 PM   #9
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It's been a long time since SassyJ responded here. Hope she is safe and took precautions. Lots of good advice. If she doesn't heed it maybe some one else will.
Not everyone in Domestic Violence can change where they live. Changing the phone to unlisted is a good idea. Investing in some type of security alarms for windows and doors. Keeping someone informed about your plans. Just so they can notice if there is something going on that is suspicious in the area.

When doing the restraining order keep it up to date. If that party has a weapon such as a gun, let the police know this. Take threats seriously. Always be aware of what and who is around you. Not to be paranoid to be aware.
If you have children make sure it's on record that they are NOT to be picked up by anyone without your verbal/ written ok.
If that party is around and you are scared make noises lots of noises to get attention.
One other thing join a Domestic Violence support group they are out there. Check your area for the local number. Stay strong, stay in charge of you. No ONE HAS the RIGHT to ABUSE ANOTHER PERSON!!
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Old April 29th, 2005, 10:01 AM   #10
jkearns4949
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I am all for the domestic violence support groups. The groups are a great way to find support from people going through a similiar situation. Domestic violence is most time a situation that a person has to deal with alone. Get support.
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Old December 31st, 2005, 07:33 PM   #11
MisFitLady
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Re: i need advice and info

[quote]Originally posted by sassyj203
Hi everyone. This is my first time to this board. My problem concerns my ex-fiance'. We broke up about a year ago. At first, we were still in contact with each other but in February I told him to stop calling me because his phone calls were becoming harassing. Needless to say, they didn't stop. For a while, there were a lot of hangups and an occasional message. But in the last few days, it's gotten worse. In the last 24 hours, he's left 6 obscene messages on my home and cell phone. I changed my cell phone number last night and ordered call block on my home phone but he's calling from his cell phone so I can't block him. I started tracing his calls through the phone company. The police are already investigating him because he committed identity theft and paid his utility bill with my checking account. I know in Florida it is against the law to make harassing or obscene phone calls and it also falls partially under the definition of stalking. What do I do? Do I contact my police department? Should I get a restraining order? He hasn't shown up at my house yet, but I am worried that he will because he has a bad temper and a history of domestic violence (that I just found out about). I know I should change my home phone but it's my roommate's # and she's had it for years and it's ridiculous that she should have to change it because of him. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening. [/QUOTE
I dont know.. but try this in aaddition to what you are already doin..
Keep a log of everytime he calls, if he leaves messages, get a small tape recorder and make sure you keep those messages, before you erase them. As for the cell phone. While I am not sure you cant BLOCK him, and I am not entirely sure you cannot either.
Yes I agree that your roomate shouldnt have to change her number because of him. BUT on the flip side of that, you both need to ask yourselves what all are you willing to put up with from him.
I do think that you should cnage it and you should keep it unlisted except for those people who absolutely NEED the number. I know it costs a bit extra, but your saftey and her, are what is more important.
As for the Domestic Violence that he has a record of.. Lemme say this.
While I agree that you may have just found out.. I am sure there was something that made your wonder about him during the course of your relationship.. think back and question.. never be afraid to question.. thats the only way you ever learn anything.. and the ONLY STUIPD QUESTION is the Question that remains un asked because someone was too afraid to ask it.

Look up your States LAWS on ahrrasment, look up supreme court opinions. and YES..
Get a RESTRAINING ORDER, its one of your best shots. And if he violates it.. press charges.. dont back down no matter what he says. Make sure you file a report. The more the Police has on file.. the better chance you have of stoppin him.
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