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Old September 12th, 2006, 12:59 PM   #1
irishayes59
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Immediate help needed

I need immediate help and intervention. I have been trying to break things off with the OM. Have not heard from him in 3 weeks. I sent him an ?I can?t believe anyone can be that busy? email and supposedly dropped out of his life. Now the urge to call him is so strong, it?s like a drug craving. Please help. I don't want to go through this again, and my husband doesn't deserve to be treated like this!
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Old September 12th, 2006, 06:10 PM   #2
PoohsBigSister
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ok, I know this may sound like a small bandaid on a big hurt, but do you have a journal?

When I was going through my divorce, the urge to throw myself at my ex was unbareable sometimes - even if it was bad, it was still what I knew and I wanted it back.

I found that writing out everything I was feeling in my journal was a way to "curb my appetite" for him. I wrote and then I re-read what I wrote. It gave me insight into myself, and also gave me an outlet for my desire.

I don't know if that's the kind of help you are looking for, but it is one thing you could try.
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Old September 14th, 2006, 11:27 AM   #3
irishayes59
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It?s time for me to come clean. I had contacted the OM a few weeks back and we were emailing and phoning. He seemed really anxious to get together. Had that planned, but then it fell through. He said he?d call me, but 2 weeks went by and not a word. So I emailed him that I didn?t believe anyone could be that busy, and if he was looking for an easy out, I?d give it to him. I couldn?t believe he would just let it go at that, but he did. Finally out of desperation, I emailed him and begged him to let me hear it from him. Guess what? Still nothing. I am in so much pain and feel so stupid and used. I know undoubtedly now that he wants nothing to do with me, but I still want him to miss me, to say something, to make some effort, to feel the pain that I am.
When does this end?
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Old September 14th, 2006, 05:09 PM   #4
IRISH_EYES_99
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What PBS said is so true.

What down each day what happens. Then take the time to reread what you wrote.
That should help put things into a better perspective for you.

Good luck.
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Old September 15th, 2006, 08:25 AM   #5
irishayes59
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I want to thank you all for your support and advise. I'm keeping both a computer journal and a hand written one so that I can make enteries anytime the "urges" hit. It really is eye opening to go back and read things from when the breakup first occured.

I'll keep trying. Just knowing I'm not alone helps.
Thanks.
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Old September 18th, 2006, 09:43 AM   #6
irishayes59
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Hello everyone.

Well, I got through the weekend. Friday night HS football game with the Hubby was a lot of fun.
Unfortunately, got hit with a massive depressive episode Saturday and Sunday. It?s really tough on H because he feel she should be able to ?fix? it. (I guess it?s a man thing.) He just doesn?t understand that I don?t choose to feel this way, but it just happens. He can?t understand why I would be unhappy when everything is going so well. No matter how much the doctor?s or I have tried to explain about hormones and brain chemicals, he still thinks, as my family always did, that I should just be able to snap out of it.
With this on top of the stress and separation anxiety from the OM, it was a bit of a rough ride this weekend.
But I haven?t contacted him. 5 days and counting.
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Old September 18th, 2006, 10:15 AM   #7
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one day at a time is all you can do. and this weekend was a huge success for you!! You went out and participated with your husband in a fun activity, you didn't contact the OM, and you realized that you could only deal with what was on your plate at the moment!!!

AWSOME!

tonia
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Old September 18th, 2006, 01:39 PM   #8
irishayes59
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I've been having a really hard time cutting off contact from OM, been dealing with oldest daughter's entrance into college and a 22 year old boy friend, MLC and menopause issues, and now am in the midst of a full blown depressive episode. When I used to get like this, I drank. Not a good idea, so I gave that up.(still fighting that battle tho) Then I took up with the OM and could talk to him. Again, not a good idea. So I've been trying to turn more to my husband as a friend. I've just been trying to include him in my thoughts and ramblings that I didn't before. Those were the things I talked to OM about. So the whole concept is pretty new for him. The things that I think would make him really uncomfortable, I save for online or my journal.
One thing I did share with him this weekend is the feeling of total despair that just overcomes me, to the point that I really feel it would be better for everyone if I wasn't around. I'm not having suicidal ideations, just thinking of that pain I've caused and will probably continue to cause, and the pain that I am in. I've suffered from depression (You notice that they always refer to it as "suffering from depression") since I was a teenage. I see the signs in my girls. I wonder how much of my problems were made worse by my mother, and how much worse I'm going to make the girls lives. He has a hard time with that, because to him, it's not real. I describe it as "cancer of the soul" and he kind of gets that, but he still gets confused, scared and frustrated. (Join the club). His family just didn't talk about or deal with things like that. Of course, mine didn't either which is why they all think I'm a head case because I admit I have a problem and try to seek help for it.
If you've been through it with your wife, you know what I mean.
Anyway, instead of staying in bed and calling in sick today, I came to work. I made an appointment with my doctor to talk about things and maybe try a med change, and I've managed to stay away from the OM.
What scares me is, will I have the strength to do it again tomorrow?
I've tried counselors who've told me everything from "I'm harboring antagonistic feelings toward my younger brother because he has Down's Syndrome" to I should "have an affair and express myself" (Yeah, like that worked.) Are there any normal therapists out there who will actually help you deal with things and change your beliefs, instead of just muttering, "How does that make you feel?"
I feel so very alone.
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