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Old June 8th, 2008, 09:48 AM   #1
angel2708
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coming out

hello everybody i'm new here and its the first time i post something. Just feel the need to talk to anyone that understands me!i'm 23 years old at this moment and since i'm 18 everything changed!till there i did only get involved with guys but then in vacation i started to have another type of frienship with a girl i new and who was the cousin of a friend of mine..and so it happend the last day that we didn't only hold hands and cuddle but also kissed each other while dancong in a discothek..we were completly drunk and so my friend thought that i did it only because of the alcohol while in the case of her cousin she always suspected that she could be a lesbian..everybody tryed to seperate us that night..later we remained in contact and talked about what we felt..until she came with my friend to visit me(we are seperated trough nearly 2000 km!when she got here for two weeks we started kissing making out and slowly fallin for each other but nobody knew until my friend discovered it..half a year later i went 'home'(we come from the same country im only an immigrant here)..and she sleeped nearly everyday over but for my parents she was only a friend..so we passed 4 weeks everyday together and made oure experiences then i had to turn back vacation ended..and during the trip of finalists at school my mother found a loveletter which was from her!so i came back and my parents kew it and felt betraid bcause they new her as a friend and loved her as a friend of mine they really did get very well along with here...so i wasn't allowed to see her anymore and had to trough every letter gift and foto away..and at this time she was soo far away and i had a huge fear to loose everyone and to aren't allowed to see my little sister anymore..so after lots of discussions i did what tehey asked me too while i was crying all day long!then i phoned here and told her everything so we had less contact but also never lost it aS often as we could we were writing and calling each other..and the next summer we saw each other with the help of my friend but only for a while and so time passed..the next year we couldn't even meet bcause of my parents and the short time i had vacations..we started loosing a little bit the contact also because i didn't write that much cause i was in college and also because i had known a guy wich i was atracted too so i begann thinking that maybe i should live on and he helped me with that in that moment but i continued thinking of her it only wasn't no longer every day and i didn't feel well writing with her while i was conecting with someone else...so i thought i had come over her and would love her as a friend now and that the place wich were hers in my heart still were there but that it was loked with the key of the past...but when i went on vacation my heart showed me how i was wrong when i went to the disco with my friend and she came there too bcause she wanted to see me..i looked at here and there it was that same feeling..so we went to a corner we knew we were lonely cause nobody could see us! we talked a lot and when she kisssed me i felt soo happy!...time continued i was back and so did she cause in the meantime she imigrated also..we kept contact but the both of us continued our own life..and so 5 months ago she told me she had a girlfriend..i didn't know why but i started crying like a baby!and i didn't respond her bcause i didn't want to hurt her but also was unabel to tell her it was ok for me and i didn't want to lie to her..she was nearly the only one with whom i had been always honest!she kept on writing me and asked me if i was mad at her and that she didn'T wanna loose contact..these things i saw only 2 months later because i didn't check my mails first because i couldn't answer and second cause it was exame time and i hade to work too...so i wrote here 2and a half months later that i wish her the best and that in this case we wouldn't meet in vacation but she told me that if she could she would come when i'm there cause she neede to talk to me personaly...and so it come a month later i went there for to weeks and she came two also she had only three days free she came there and nobody knew we were seeing each other...the end of it was that we talked a lot laught and cryed a lot and at the same time we couldn't resist so we spend 2and a1/2 days together..and now we talk nearly evryday but again nobody knows!nor her girlfriend nether my parents ore my good friends which i have more then 10 years..they don't even have an idea of what happend ore that i felt in love with a girl..i know that now1500 km separate us and that we saw each other only a short time and i can't stop thinking of her!when i'm with her i'm happy!its not the fact that she is a women its the fact that it is simply her!..i'm simply going crazy with it!she always tells me if i want to come out and tell my ffriends and parents she leaves everything behind and comes to get me..(which i know she would do because she already wanted to come her and pick me up to start a life together and it was me who said i cant)..but i just dont now how to handel it!i love my friends so much!we pass nearly 24 houres a day together! and deep in my heart i love my parents and my little sister is everything to me..the fear i have is to big! i know my sister wouldn'thave no problem with that but i think my father wouldn't accept it! and my best friend i don'T know maybe she could live with the fact that i rest my life with a girl and she would only need time and a little bit of distance but i think she would never forgive me the fact that i lied to her so many years!..6 years are passed since everything began and with everyday i continue everything gets worser and more difficult and still i know that its my fault i'm paralised always whwn i want to talk about it...

sorry for that enormes story! but i was exploding inside if i din'T let it out!

so im happy of every answr advise or simple oppinion!
thanks!

hope life is treeting u well!bye
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Old June 8th, 2008, 09:58 AM   #2
angel2708
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sorry for my english!
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Old October 16th, 2008, 04:25 PM   #3
fusena
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hello,i like the way u talk.i love it as u talk like a real women,i feel to know if i can know u ok
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Old November 13th, 2008, 09:51 AM   #4
Flygal
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At the age of 23, YOU have to decide who's going to live YOUR life...You or your parents or your friends....
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Old November 28th, 2008, 12:21 PM   #5
sonia
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hello
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Old December 7th, 2008, 11:27 PM   #6
5Patricia
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Hi, I have known for a long time that I was not happy with a guie. I've never been with a woman but I have often dreamed of being with one. Am I too late or maby theres hope for me? Can I ever be happy? Patricia
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Old December 15th, 2008, 10:30 AM   #7
Flygal
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Only you can answer that Pat...
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Old December 23rd, 2008, 01:55 AM   #8
Lacie75
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Angel, Fly is right. May I add my two cents? I'm old enuf to be your mom. Life is too short to sit back and wait. You have to do what makes you happy. Most families tend to adjust to what they have to. I am very new to this board also but welcome!!! LACIE
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Old February 16th, 2009, 02:01 AM   #9
InLoveWithChandra
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Smile coming out

angel2708,

Even the story was too long to read but it was great that you wrote it that way. It gives all the details that made me understand your situation.

Now, If you really LOVE her then go for it. If you think she's worth all the things that you will have to face after you come out of the closet, then you should choose her.

Its nice that you think your sister will be ok with it. As for your parents, its just natural that they would be shock and tend not to be ok with it but trust me, parents will always be parents. They will learn to accept the real you. You just have to be patient and not rush things because its not really easy for them to accept your sexuality but as I've said, they will surely learn to accept you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flygal View Post
At the age of 23, YOU have to decide who's going to live YOUR life...You or your parents or your friends....
Hon, you're already 23 and I agree with Flygal. By that age, you should know by now what you really want and what makes you happy.

For me, I think you should fight for her. 6 years and you've gone through good and bad events in your life with her. Doesn't it tell you that you really love her? I might be wrong though

Hope everything is alright
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