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Old April 9th, 2010, 11:40 AM   #1
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Need suggestions!!

I am in a relationship with a woman I love very much.. We have know eachother for 5 years.. When we met she had just gotten married.. Prior to her marriage it was women. She felt she was doing what was "right" for her children.. Well recently, after 5 years of friendship we ended up having an affair. Before even a month went by she had left him, her children, her, and myself got a house.. We went about 6 months not having to deal with the ex.. Her and I making decisions about the children and all.. Well, here comes the temporary court.. He is now wanting to be apart of the children's lives.. Let me say too that he is not there real dad.. He adopted them about 2 yrs prior to the divorce.. From what I have seen from when we were friends and I would be around, He is not a father figure, doesn't know how to be with kids, and somewhere in him I will say he does have a huge heart.. Now to my present day dilemna.. The father raised hell about the children being home after school alone.. They are 9 and 11.. No law in MS says there is a certain age to be left alone.. So the judge gave him the duty of picking the kids up from school and having them till we get home at 5:30.. Now I get to see him everyday!.. He gets them every other weekend too.. Myself never being with a man nor having a girlfriend before that had children, I am having a hard time dealing with him and my girlfriend having to have a daily contact with eachother.. I want so badly to just be ok with it all.. But everyday when I know he is in our driveway my stomach gets in knots.. Or when I know my girlfriend and him are texting I get knots.. and they are only talking about the children issues.. I feel crazy!.. She will even read the messages out to me.. Also, I have the little issues of her still keeping the wedding albums and old pics of them.. They are in storage outside, but me knowing that she is holding onto them kills me.. I am very much scared and insecure.. lol.. and my past of relationships, I have never felt so crazy.. This women does nothing but love me to death and shows me alll the time, everyday.. I get scared and put my walls up.. I need any suggestions out there on getting through this.. I have never been so happy with one person in my life.. We have so much in common, but yet enough not in common to mesh perfectly.. Our only issue of course the one that is going to be there if the father continues to want to be apart of those childrens lives is the only thing we get into it about.. I hope someone has some brilliant insight out there!.. Thank you so much...
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Old April 30th, 2010, 10:28 PM   #2
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 8
It's ok to be insecure, especially when you're confronted with it everyday. It's even better to admit that you're insecure and admit that there's no good reason for it. I've had my bouts of hysteria with my man (checking e-mail, phone, everything I could think of) until I finally realized that I'm just paranoid for no good reason. He was raised fundamental baptist and simply doesn't believe in cheating... besides which, he'd be crazy to do so - we have an amazing relationship. So we talk about it, and joke about it! I have my crazy moments and tell him that I'm having a crazy moment and we laugh about it. He laughs at me / with me, then reassures me and tells me how much he loves me. The fact that this is the children's 'father' (biological or not) means that you don't have much choice but to deal with it. You don't have to like it though, and you don't have to pretend to like it. You do have to be civil for the sake of the children. You don't have to talk to him when he drops the kids off... Just pretend he isn't there! The only thing I really know... it isn't worth ruining a wonderful relationship (which it sounds like you have) over your own insecurities. She loves you. You love her. End of story. Tell her it makes you crazy and that you know you're crazy for it and she'll love you even more!

p.s. My man refuses to ever meet my daughter's father! He's completely uncomfortable with it and I'm ok with that!
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