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Old July 1st, 2008, 07:30 PM   #1
skatemartha
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Angry I HATE His X-Wife!

My guy's x-wife is and evil, abusive, low-rent piece of trash who trapped him into marrying her by getting pregnant 9 years ago after he told her he was leaving her. Since then, she has made his and their son's life unbearable. She won't allow him to see his son, and she calls him names (and makes him cry. What can I say, he's sensitive) in front of his son. She tells their son, "Daddy doesn't love you." and makes him cry. You should hear her mouth....like a truck driver on acid. She is so foul, you can feel her dark energy a mile away. Of course, she has taken to calling me names and generally being abusive toward me as well, but I can handle it. Meanwhile, they've been in court for the last year because he is trying to get visitation. He already had it, legally, but he took her to court because she wouldn't allow it. The judge is an x-dcyf worker, and because the x-wife has said my guy is an unfit parent, the judge has ordered him to take urines for the past year (which require that he drive 45 minutes each way), all of which he has passed. She (the judge) has ordered him to undergo a psychiatric evaluation (at his own $300 expense), and has kept him on minimal supervised visitation. I don't understand. This woman has beaten him to within an inch of his life (literally) on several occassions and continues to emotionally abuse him and his son. It is horrific to witness, but the last straw was on father's day, when she wouldn't let him visit with his son. I tell you, seeing a grown man cry over his child for an entire day is unnerving. It hurts me to see him hurting so badly and I find myself in such a state of anger at her that I feel like I want to do unspeakable things. I even went to a gun shop to price guns. To his credit, he doesn't engage with her in any wya. He doesn't call her or respond to her hideous text messages (which aren't grounds for a restraining order in RI, by the way). Neither do I. There is no resoning with her because she is not reasonable....or all that bright. She can only see that he has rejected her and she can only think that for this reason alone he must pay. God help me, I hate her guts for being so abusive to my guy and his poor little son. It breaks my heart. I've tried speaking with abuse advocates but they say that because he is a man and she is the perpetrator, we will have a hard time getting anyone to listen or pay attention. We've tried to file a restraining order but the cops literally laughed in our faces. I'm actually waiting for her to show up on our doorstep and try to kill me. She is super violent. What can I do????? Just wait for her to hurt me or my guy? I could really use some help over here.... Thanks!!!! Martha
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Old July 2nd, 2008, 11:12 AM   #2
OkieStorm
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Skatemartha.....sorry to hear your problem. It's easy to pick up on how important this is to you and how much this is disrupting your lives. Has your man ever just stood up to his ex-? Like screamed in her face to shut the "F" up? (probably so). If not that would be my 1st advice. Sounds like she is still trying to control the relationship and your man is sensitive so maybe that would just put her in shock some...(?) I do have to tolerate the "Stalker Ex", but its nothing like what ya'll are going through. I know this is not much help, but i wanted you to know that I hear you and hope the best for you.
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Last edited by OkieStorm; July 2nd, 2008 at 11:13 AM. Reason: typo's
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Old July 2nd, 2008, 05:39 PM   #3
Napolitana <3
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Hey Martha,
I know its hard to keep your anger down and not to do something yourself to stop that women. But when you guys went to court did ur guy say that she is also an unfit parent and did he say all the things that she does to both him and his son? You have to keep pushing that in court that?s the only chance that he can get more rights with his son ( unfortunately I know its hard because the courts almost always favor the mother over the father but if you can prove your points to them im sure they will reconsider). I can NOT believe that the police wont let you guys put a restraining order on this women ( they are ridicules for that) and you should keep trying, can they actually refuse to? I know its hard to have an ex wife/lover/partner/gf situation. My fianc? has a son with his ex and up to 6 mon. ago she was still telling him that she loved him and wanted him back luckily she lives in an other state so I don?t have to deal with her like you do with urs, and his son lives with the exs parents so he doesn?t even have to call her to get up dates ,but they too talk lotz of shit about my fianc? and ther is nothing i can do but be there for him and love him and at the end of the day thats all you can really do for ur guy. i hoped this helped at least a lil and i wish the best for u and ur man.
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Old July 2nd, 2008, 06:49 PM   #4
skatemartha
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Thanks Oakie and Nopalitana for your responses....
As a matter of fact, my man has stood up to her. He's tried it all; pleading, being nice, telling her off, etc... She is just completely unreasonable. She actually told the judge that she doesn't want her child visiting his father in our house because I am a sexual deviant (due to the tattoo I have on my back of a naked female angel, which I designed myself. She called it porn. Ha!). If you knew me at all you would understand what a joke this is.
My guy has a lawyer but the judge hasn't let her address all the issues and she doesn't want to push the judge too hard because, unfortunately, it is a matter of not being too offensive to the judge. Egos galore!!!! Plus, his lawyer says the 'he said, she said' game is no good. Only something substantial (like a restraining order) would be effective. I guess in this state, text messages and voicemails aren't enough for a restraining order. I guess there has to be physical contact of some kind. Great. Looking forward to it.
You are right of course....all I can do is be here for him and love him. Sigh. It's so frustrating.
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Old July 2nd, 2008, 06:50 PM   #5
skatemartha
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Thanks to for the sympathy....it helps me feel less alone out here. I'm not really talking about it with anyone else, so really, thanks!
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Old July 5th, 2008, 12:19 AM   #6
nut#3
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((Skatemartha)) Oh, how I can relate. I don't have the problems you do with mine's ex, but she has so ticked me off on so many occasions. About that restraining order. If she has threatened you, shouldn't matter in what manner the threat was executed. I am now going to type you a quick section from one I had to put out on someone. Here it goes. Bring evidence to support your case. Evidence such as:
(A) Documented logs(B)Divorce or Custody Issues(C) Medical Records(D)Past Violent records/www.oscb.net(E)Pictures(F)Police Reports(G)Printed Emails or Letters(H)Saved Voice Mail, or Text Messaging on Cell Phones.(I)Witnesses.
Included all of them just FYI. The point is, you can get a restraining order if you push. Sometimes you have to. The person I got one against was a woman and I had no proof at all, just my word. So, good luck to you. Have read a few posts from you. Nice to sorta meet you! ((Skatemartha)) Hope to see you in chat, I'm there occasionally. Love it. OkieDokie then. Bye Bye!
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Old November 30th, 2009, 12:34 PM   #7
Lovelady
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Your boyfriend and his ex-wife sound a lot like my parents. Accept the only difference is that I don't just blame my mother for ruining my childhood. I mean, it takes two people to make a baby; so it also takes two people to ruin somebody's choldhood. They had me out of wedlock, even though they didn't love each. They split up soon after I was born. My whole life they both treated me disrespectfully. Honey I have lived your life from the child's point of view for many years, so I should know. Meaning your boyfriend is probably just as bad as his ex-wife. The fact that your boyfriend and his ex-wife are psychologically abusing each other does not matter. This is all most likely causing lifelong damage and abuse against your boyfriend's son. You need to save that little boy away from those terrible people.
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Old July 21st, 2010, 06:32 PM   #8
doesntkillmakestrong
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skatemartha

I sympathize completely with your situation regardless of how you react there are negative impacts felt by you, your boyfriend and the little guy. The only advice I can provide is document document document. The child may not see it until he is older but at some point the truth comes out. I am divorced and remarried. My husband and I both have evil x's who do not look to see what is best for the child and continue to act like spoiled control freak children. The best we can do is continue to look to what is best for the children. Children no matter how hideous love both their parents respect for that love and for the child is important. As well as continually trying to see it from the other person's perspective. The most important this is the lil guy no injustices done to her or your man. Good luck with your situation.
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