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Old November 3rd, 2010, 12:28 PM   #1
Jenna
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3
My thoughts

I am glad that I have found this web site. I have been reading some of your post and it seems as though this is a forum where women can be truly honest. It's nice....

I have been sober for a couple of months now. I am not sure if I love my boyfriend anymore. I can't get passed the lies that he has told me in the past. I am angry that he put us into a financial crisis a few years ago (that we still haven't recovered from) because he choose to do coccaine and loose job after job. I am angry at myself because I was making up the excuses so he would still look good. He still lies today about his drinking and drugs. It drives me nuts.

We have been together for 7 years and we have 2 kids together. I have a 3 rd chid from my first mariage I find myself in a similar relationship.

Now, we have a friend who is staying with us and I am finding myself extremely attracted to him. I think I always have been. I am not sure what to do about it. I wonder if its because he talks to me and I have decent converstation with him. Not mention he is fascinating to listen to and is sober as well.....

This is the mass confusion I have today. Likely not healthy this is why I am posting this. Perhaps if I get this out of my head then these feelings will go away.....

I hope this makes sense.

Thanks
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Old November 3rd, 2010, 01:30 PM   #2
Butterfly
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Join Date: Oct 2010
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Hi Jenna,

Regarding your thoughts...I also am in recovery and have been now for 11 almost 12 years. You must always remember that sobriety is a blessing - it is a gift given to us one day at a time. Also, when new in recovery it has most profoundly been recommended that an individual refrain from making significant life changing decisions for at least 12 months, if at all possible. On the side of reality, I recognize your conflict and confusion and also realize that you are lonely and want your man back. Will entering into a relationship with this other man be a way of hurting your significant other - your way of getting revenge for him having hurt you, will this be a "rebound" relationship? What, REALLY are your reasons for wanting this man - you need to honestly ask yourself, and honestly answer those questions.

What I had to recognize in a very similar situation to yours was that when it came to competing against alcohol and/or drugs, I had lost before even entering the contest. Competing against another woman...no problem. Competing against alcohol and/or drugs...PROBLEM!, especially when your significant other prefers the companionship of the alcohol and/or drugs to his woman. The only person you can change in that type of situation is you.

I could go on and on because I can relate - Really, really relate - been there, done that. I had the affair with the other man, regretted it then, regret it now. However, I am not you. At the same time, be careful in what you choose to do, not only will you be impacted by your decisions, but your children will be too!
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Old November 3rd, 2010, 01:55 PM   #3
Jenna
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Thank you so much Butterfly....

This is my second tour of the program. I have 53 days in. I am trying to work the program to the best of my ability. The hardest part of sobering up is dealing with the emotions that come up.

I could not have said it better myself about competing with drugs and alcohol and drugs. I've been trying to put that feeling into words and you have done that for me. Thank you....

I have been competing with drugs and alcohol for the majority of my life. I grew up in it and I have lost a lot of significant relationships because of it. It keeps taring my life apart. My error in judgement was to finally give in and join in. I thought this would make me a better partner in life. Crazy thinking... I now know its the obsession...

I have never started a relationship sober. I had a 7 year mariage and now in another 7 years relationship. Neither started sober..... Maybe your right... I think this guy would be my excuse to get out this relationship and that would not be fair to me or him. I can't stand watching my current boyfirend oblivate himself everynight. Then get upset with me because we aren't having "alone time". I wish he would just leave me alone so I can get things figured out. I don't need his pressure to give him something that I just don't have in me to give right now. I am concentrating on changing my way of thinking and staying sober.

I love my kids.... They are my main priority in life along with sobriety. This is the only reason why I am still at home. I don't want my kids to have a drunk as a mother. That is why I am back in the program. I don't want them to grow up like I did.

Thank you, so much Butterfly....
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Old November 4th, 2010, 09:57 AM   #4
Butterfly
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Jenna,

You are so very welcome. I wish you the very best.
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