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Old October 14th, 2010, 08:51 PM   #1
Butterfly
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Devestated, hurt, conflicted and confused

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum and sought it out because I really need to unload and ask for guidance and advice. I am almost embarrased for doing this but I need help. I am hurting, conflicted and confused and totally depessed about my "relationship" situation.

I am an unemployed 47 year old single mom that started seeing a 50 year old employed man in December of last year. At the very start of the relationship he told me that he was living with a woman but also assured me that their relationship was platonic and that for all intents and purposes they were nothing more than roommates - he stayed because of his dogs and for financial reasons. I believed him.

In the beginning I was wary but I allowed myself to be pursued by this man and eventually fell head over heals in love. It seems as soon as I fell in love with him, he stopped caring for me and the relationship became nothing more to him than a casual, convenient booty call. I began to feel as if he was starting to treat me like an unpaid prostitute.

Out of anger, self-pity and maybe even denial I started to ask him to help me financially. Which he did - reluctantly.

He is a salesman and I helped him "create" an expense report that netted him more than one thousand dollars last week. He wanted to buy me a Webber grill, I asked him to give me one hundred dollars. Seemingly, not a problem.

Then, a day or two before the check was due to arrive in the mail, he goes totally ballistic on me, got angry over something trite and insignificant, and basically ended his diatribe by accusing me of wanting nothing more than money from him. He got very verbally abusive and refuses to now even talk to me. I have been given the "silent treatment" now for three days. He called afterwards apologized for yelling at me and told me he would give me the money. That was three days ago. I have not spoken with him since, he has not called me and I have not called him. He still has not given the money he said that he would give me for helping him - when he knows I need it.

I am devestated and hurting and believe it or not it's not about the money. I really cared for this man, I fell in love with him and he knows it. I am stunned to the point of being numb and can't believe that after almost ten months he would suddenly turn on me and treat me so shabbily. I am confused and don't know what to do.

I am hurting, really hurting. I thought this man cared for me and my son. I don't understand why he is doing this to me or what I can do about it. Please help!
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Old October 15th, 2010, 09:18 AM   #2
Wolf_angel
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((((Butterfly))))) That is a hug for you sweetie. It would seem this man is a manipulator. He used you and your love to get what he wanted. Now if you have proof of your work regarding this, you have two choices. Show his boss or let it go. Personally I would let this go! Now if you are in dire straights and need the cash tell his supervisor. However, this can lead to more harrassment from that man. I hope this helps as it was meant too.
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Old October 15th, 2010, 02:58 PM   #3
Butterfly
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Wolf_angel. Thank you for the hug (I send one back to you) and for taking the time to read my post and post a response. It means the world to me - more than you can imagine. Thank you also for your sage words of wisdom. It is hard to let it go, but I know that it is the right thing to do - for me. I did think about contacting his supervisor, but discarded that idea almost as soon as it came. I am still hurt by what has happened, but also realize that if he ever did truly want me, he does not anymore. I am hurting but I also have come to the realization that he does not care for me, actions speak louder than words. I don't want someone that does not want me. Please pray for me in hope and in healing. Thank you.
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Old October 16th, 2010, 09:33 AM   #4
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You are most welcomed (((((Butterfly))))) Yet the things that hurt us make us stronger. Good luck and best of all things coming your way!
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 04:48 AM   #5
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Hi Butterfly....I really sympathize with you...I am 45....and was unemployed 6 months out of the past year....that's hard to deal with...first...that man was not right for you...I think that ther was more to that relationship....than he admitted to....it was more to it than the 2 of them just being roomates....and for his dogs....
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 05:46 AM   #6
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Butterfly.....Let it go....it's a learning experience....but if you decide to continue to date...make sure that the next man understands that you need some help.....and that you need to see his support first....and leave the physical aspects out of it....because if you don't get your repect and what you need in the begining....you will inevitably set yourself up to get used....and that man will have no qualms about walking away....and for most men.....it's on to the next-one.....

I'm not being calloused or ambitious....just realistic...bills come every month and you're unemployed....you have to tell men what you need...in the begining of the relationship....and mean it......that's the only way most will respect you....tell him what you need before he starts telling you what he wants and needs...because he will.....he is going to make sure that he gets what he wants....and you have to make sure that you get what you need...until you go back to work......

My personal way is to find a job...and not to date...at all....and get in control of my finances but I'm celibate so that's a little different....but if I wasn't....I would do exactly as I told you...a man that is seeing you should not be with you if your lights and gas are in shut-off status....or your car is down and needs repair...etc....if you don't make sure that that potential man helps you while he's with you eventually...he'll find another damsel-in-distress to support financially...or to rescue....

Men do what we allow them to do to us....we're not victims all of the time.....
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Old February 22nd, 2011, 11:27 PM   #7
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Butterfly...the best way is to depend on yourself.....hopefully you will find a job soon....whether it's waiting tables, cashier.....etc...but you need you own money....and maybe try not dating at this time....because if you do and things progress.....then very soon.... it's right back in the same situation....being vulnerable again....and that's not a good place to be in...emotionally.....esspecially being unemployed.....maybe remove sex from the equation altogether.....then you won't be in the position to get hurt or used.......

It does work.......
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