Women Online Worldwide  

Go Back   Women Online Worldwide > About Being a Woman > Romantic Relationships

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old August 8th, 2011, 12:45 PM   #46
MsBaroneLuv
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Thank you everyone!! you put tears in my eyes!.. Little by little Im making plans to leave. I just dont want to cause a big scene and I dont want to get hurt. I just want to leave as peaceful as I came into the relationship. Yesterday we got into a huge fight and he involved his Mother!!! I was so freaking upset I hate the fact that Im surrounded by his family and when we fight I feel so alone. Im starting saving a little of my weekly pay check without anyone knowing that im planning to leave. EVERYONE sees us as this amazing couple & if they only knew what I go through. Im definitely not an Angel and I can admit that I do get bossy sometimes and can be annoying lol, but it does not give him a reason to hurt me & say Im worthless etc. Im so thankful I can vent to everyone ! Im truly blessed. The only thing I do sometimes to help is go inside the bathroom and look at old pictures of my mom rip. I will keep everyone posted xo
MsBaroneLuv is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 9th, 2011, 08:13 AM   #47
Wolf_angel
A survivor of chaos
 
Wolf_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 3,147
Good for you! Now make sure your important papers and essentials are together. Preferrably where he cant find them. Let your doctors know a day before you leave you will be getting new doctors where you will go. This way not a nurse or doctor can tell anyone who isnt on your list where you are. Good Luck!
__________________
May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~
Wolf_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 26th, 2011, 09:58 AM   #48
smith1981
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Want to get my happy back

Hi ladies! I googled this topic and found this forum. Thanks to everyone that shared their stories and also to those that offered words of encouragement and advice. I am 31, married for 1 year together for 8. I have an 11 yr old, no kids together. He’s jealous and insecure. We don’t have any friends. He doesn’t really care to have people over and rarely goes around my family. A month after we were engaged I caught him using drugs. I didn’t cancel the wedding because his family are public figures, might as well be celebs in our city, and I didn’t want to bring any embarrassment on them. My life has been hell since. He’s in rehab now for 25 days. In and out of 10 or so rehabs in 2 years – the longest stint of sobriety was about 45 days. He says he’s committed this time, but now I’m ready to leave because I have fallen in love with someone else. The other guy I met on online when we both were 15. We kept in touch through the years, sometimes losing contact for as much as 3 years, but we always are drawn back to one another despite our email addresses and numbers changing. Our friendship has always been one of the purest friendships I have. We’re open and honest with one another, we can talk and laugh about anything. I hadn’t talked to him since 2008, until Feb when he contacted my sister on FB. Since then I have shared with him the “drama” of my life. He’s always positive and says to pray and leave it up to God – never speaking badly of my husband and never advising me to leave/stay. By July things had gotten bad with my husband and I left, determined that it would be for good that time. I stayed with my dad for a week and during that time I emailed my friend & then began talking to him on the phone. We talked on the phone for hours. Two days later he told me that he wanted to tell me something but didn’t want to be disrespectful to my marriage. After I finally got it out of him. He told me that he was “in love” with me and had been for years. He admitted that he had kept every letter, card, and picture that I sent him when we were teens. Honestly, I had always felt the same way about him, but the fact that we had never met because we live 20 hrs away had always made me ignore the feelings. We haven’t been able to stop talking since. Two weeks later my husband went into rehab because he said he could feel that he was losing me and wanted me back. A week after that a a trip with some relatives put me within a 2 hr drive from my friend. So we decided to finally meet. He was the exact same in person! The chemistry was there immediately. We spent an evening together just talking and enjoying being in the presence of one another. We eventually made out, no sex! It has now been a month since that encounter and we haven’t stopped talking. We talk and text all day long. I have fallen in love and he has told me that he only wants the best for me, but that if it doesn’t work out with my husband he would like to be with me, but would only want to be with me after I take time for myself to heal. He has said repeatedly that he will wait for me and has confessed his love for me repeatedly. Everything in me wants to be with him – he makes my spirit happy. He is willing to relocate to my state so that my daughter will not have to leave life as she knows it. My husband is in rehab, clueless, as to what is going on with me. I’m afraid to tell him. My husband has been abusive across the board and I’m just tired of being unhappy. Life is too short. I’m just scared that I am going to make the wrong choice. Advice ladies?!?!
  Reply With Quote
Old August 27th, 2011, 09:20 AM   #49
Wolf_angel
A survivor of chaos
 
Wolf_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 3,147
Well I get the picture. Yet before you can move forward with anyone you must do so for yourself first. The trauma of all that will affect your daughter. You will need time to help her adjust. Before getting involved with another man/person. Find out what makes you happy. For now you need to heal before you can do that.
__________________
May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~
Wolf_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old August 30th, 2011, 07:59 AM   #50
Ruby Rose
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I need advice I'm a married woman have been for 5 years I'm also young I have a child to another man but my husband has taken the father role I'm no longer in love with my husband but have been living everyday as I am thinking of my child and I don't want to hurt him as he is lovely but recently I have meet new friends and one friends boyfriend had taken interest in me and we had an affair we are sneaking around and spending time with each other and have realized and told each other we love each other we have made plans to both leave our partners but I'm so scared of hurting everyone and how to deal with the reactions and I'm worried I'm making a big mistake how do I prepare and am I doing the right thing we both are really committed to doing this but I'm worried it's also a rebound. Advice please on any of my concerns? My biggest concern is my child and hurting her the most am I being selfish? I want to just get over it but can't and I don't want to not try and wish I did. So confused
  Reply With Quote
Old August 30th, 2011, 10:37 AM   #51
sistergirl
Member
 
sistergirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 648
Ruby, maybe it's time for you to consider some counselling. You're in a Hot mess!
sistergirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 5th, 2011, 08:47 PM   #52
sunglatisha
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 6
Hello everyone,

I am new to this discussion forum site and have similar issues as a married woman who loves another man other than my husband. This isn't the first time I have felt that way before. I have been with my husband for 5 years and married for 3 years. I am happy with him because we have learned to grow up with each other and went through many rollar coastal obtacles. We were both 19 and met each other online before meeting in person. He also treats me like a queen, such as spoiling me, helping around the house or I should say appartment, tells me how beautiful and sexy I am, and how much he loves and misses me. I thought once I got married, the temptations of infatuations would go away, but I was wrong there. I worked at a restaurant where there where mostly women and some men working there. I didn't have the desire to look around at other men and very devoted to my husband. Once I quit that job, I found a janitorial job that paid me more than I did at the restaurant job. I get into my new role, and the first person I worked with, I felt infatuated once he started to notice me more by staring at me, joking around, and getting extremely comfortable talking random stuff to me. I kept telling myself that I was going through my crazy hormonal changes before having a monthly, but it kept going on until he quit. Thank god. I try to give myself the reason with the person that I am infatuated with a few things that I would not stand to live with such as using drugs and too much drinking, etc to get me out of that funk and appreciate my husband more. Then another guy comes in a month after me, and at first it was just random friendly gestures of hellos every now and then and random talks. I thought he was a huge punk. Then a month goes by and his random friendly gestures became more frequent than other co-workers around him that he greets. He always smiles at me when we walk by and says hi or what's up or random small talk. I started to notice that more to the point that his gestures were cute and melted my heart and that his small talks to me were more personal like talking about his dark side of his life, etc. Our small talks became more like wanting to know each others personal life and pasts. When I talk to him, he doesn't judge or critizcise me for what I think and I do the exact same thing when he talks about what he feels. We found out we have very similar interests, points of view, and past issues and memories when it came to growing up and dating. I felt so comfortable talking to him about anything I felt was on my mind that I eventually told him that I had a crush on him. I gave myself an excuse to take a break beside him, walk to the parking lot together, follow him to different areas (not stalking him), and park our cars beside each other. I have also flirted with him and he would do it back. I would also give him a compliment, but he wouldn't do that except that I was a funny person. When I told him I had a crush on him, I expected a horrible rejection, but instead he was very sincere and politely had to reject me in that voice tone of that kind that had the indication that he felt the same way about me but have to fight it off with his logical sense that first I am married and it wouldn't work out and second dating a co-worker would feel awkward because it would cause problems. I talked back with logical sense knowing that it wouldn't work out and agreed with dating co-workers issue but needed to get my feeling out and saying if I was single, I would date him. I have also told him that his past ex-girlfriends and ex-fiancee don't understand how lucky they are to have a guy like him and I would be a supportive girlfriend like he wants out of a girl if it were possible. He told he suspected something different about me and knew that I had a crush on him, but he wasn't sure. Then when our shift was over I caught up to him and asked him if I freaked him out and if we can stay good friends regardless of how I feel. He said that I did not freak him out and was cool with how I needed to get that out of my chest and yes we can remain good friends. Plus he gave me a joke of not stalking him, and I joke back that does he believe that I am psycho, and he says well I don't know. I held my tears back when he had to slowly reject me and I was afraid to lose our friendship. I had mixed feeling when I told him I had a crush on him such as sadness, happiness, relief, regret (of my marriage), and disappointment. I longed for that spark of lust, emotional support, being socially outgoing, and having very common interests that somehow diminished when I am with my husband.

My husband is very extremely attached to me and says that he doesn't wonder his eyes around other ladies. He does, but not to have fantasies and what not. When I talk about what is going on in my life like work, he has to make sarcastic remarks or just is silent as a ghost when I tell stories. With the guy I work with, he asks questions and comments to make the conversation more interesting. Plus when I did meet my husband for the first time, we were the most insane and messed up couple ever, such as fighting a lot, and sometimes it got to the extreme of emotional abuse and control that I have threatened to leave him and I would back down because I felt at the time I would never find anybody else and he would charm his way in my heart. It kept going until I bit him in the butt about that issue to the point I had him taste his own medicine, despite my friends' and family's warnings to leave him. Ever since he hasn't done that to me. He also hates to make very many friends like I do. Despite his crazy flaws of sacastic remarks, being anti-social, obsessed with working out, etc., he has also done a lot for me, such as getting me somewhat out of debt, helping me out with the littlest things, and standing up for me if anybody picked on me. He used to get really jealous everytime I talked to a guy and make it seem like I was going to sleep with that guy. When he gets really upset, he has a very bad tantrum which scares me to death, but luckily he has controlled that. His family gets in the way too by causing too much drama over stupid things.

I feel like I am going to burn in hell everytime I love someone else other than my husband and obsess about it. Luckily after reading these posts I am not the only one who has these problems. I learned it was normal to feel that way as long as I don't act upon it (that is how I was raised in a christian family setting) After I told that guy I liked him, he told that I have to get over that feeling, but easier said than done. I have been drowning myself to some drinking and music that relates to how I feel after being rejected and what I am going through. I looked forward to going to work because I get a chance to see that guy everytime and have the same days off. I am also lucky to have my mother listen to me and my problems despite a little judgement. My mother is like my best friend to me. She was surprised and shocked when I told her I love somebody other than my husband, and tells me that part of it is I made my own choices and facing the consequences of getting married younger and went to fast. I was 21 when I married my husband. I wish I didn't rebel against my mother and actually listen to her because now I see what she means now. I have no children. I still long for that guy and want to fulfill his ideal girlfriend to possibly spending the rest of my life with him. I don't have that physical attraction about him as I do with my husband, but it's kinda boring. But at the same of thinking of leaving my husband, and being with that guy I am afraid that I may lose both for one, I wanted to leave my husband, and two, if being with that guy doesn't work out and I am all alone. I am 24 years old and that guy is 28. My husband is also 24.
sunglatisha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 7th, 2011, 09:25 AM   #53
Wolf_angel
A survivor of chaos
 
Wolf_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 3,147
Seems like to me that you got your thoughts out clear and good. Yet you always return back to your husband. Which means he has your heart. Yes normal to "love" another. Yet acting upon it is what kills many things that cant be fixed. Listening to your Mother when you could have wouldnt have worked for you. Since it seems that some of us including my own daughter have to learn things their own way. What you should do mind you this is a suggestion, is take time with your husband. Like having a date night. Maybe it would help but it would be also lots of fun. Taking turns planning on what the two of you will do. Surprises abound on that idea. Yet dont take for granted what you have for when you dont it really will surprise you how that will hurt. One of those kind of hurts that wont go away. SO I hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs
__________________
May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~
Wolf_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 10th, 2011, 03:53 PM   #54
satisfaction6969
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: US/DELHI
Posts: 2
hey love is not defined and one can fall in love at any time in life.we should respect love and enjoy every moment but sensibly.it should never affect your personal life and social responsibilities.keep in touch we need to discuss.tc...
satisfaction6969 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 10th, 2011, 03:54 PM   #55
satisfaction6969
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: US/DELHI
Posts: 2
dont worry dear! i got solution to your prob.i m busy rt now so keep in touch.tc...
satisfaction6969 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 11th, 2011, 08:55 AM   #56
Wolf_angel
A survivor of chaos
 
Wolf_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 3,147
Satisfaction who are talking too? Since I have replied to this post on several occasions, I am wondering who you are talking too. The only person has the only solution to this is the one involved. Their choices is what is going to make the difference. Hence I have no clue as to whether or not you are involved for that matter, or want to step in maybe where you dont belong perhaps? I hope you did read the rules for this website. Its not a pick up place, nor for those who are only here to harass others. It wont be tolerated. By the way, Love is universal. Yet between two people who are in love, fell in love or whatever in that mix, what happens in their relationship is on them. I love many others on here in a sisterly way. I hope they know who they are! Thus I am curious as to who you are talking too.
__________________
May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~
Wolf_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 13th, 2011, 06:25 PM   #57
sunglatisha
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf_angel View Post
Seems like to me that you got your thoughts out clear and good. Yet you always return back to your husband. Which means he has your heart. Yes normal to "love" another. Yet acting upon it is what kills many things that cant be fixed. Listening to your Mother when you could have wouldnt have worked for you. Since it seems that some of us including my own daughter have to learn things their own way. What you should do mind you this is a suggestion, is take time with your husband. Like having a date night. Maybe it would help but it would be also lots of fun. Taking turns planning on what the two of you will do. Surprises abound on that idea. Yet dont take for granted what you have for when you dont it really will surprise you how that will hurt. One of those kind of hurts that wont go away. SO I hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs
Thank you Wolf_Angel, I have recently talked to my husband about our marriage losing spark and he agreed. We do plan on going on a date night, but spending more than usual and it will be worth it!
After talking to this guy I have a crush on, both of us kept our distance as much as possible but at the same time do talk and joke around as friends and co-workers. It will take time to get over him, but I do cherish the friendship that we developed. It has fizzled out more as the days go by. At first I regretted telling him that I had a crush on him because I liked the attention he gave me, but at the same time I am glad because it helped me stop obsessing over him which would of eventually consumed me to the point where I would lose and hurt my husband at the same time. My husband did notice that I was being very distant towards him and if I wanted him out of my life just let him know. In my heart I wouldn't do that because he means the whole world to me and has done a lot for me. He feels the same way about me. I told him that me being so distant was the indication that I will be getting my monthly and low and behold it happened. I do need my space when that happens. If it weren't for my friend and mother, I wouldn't have gone over this crush phase as fast as I normally would if I were by myself feeling this way. I prayed to God for the spiritual strength to get over it too and so far it seems to work. I hope to keep that friendship once those feelings fizzled, which I know it will. My friend suggested this rule the 80/20 relationship which means the person who is in a committed relationship or married with that special someone is 80% more that the crush or other person they desire (20%), such as love, bond, trust, help out, etc. Plus I am starting to see turn offs against my crush, which is not expressing his feelings and holding them in and has some similar personalities like my husband.
sunglatisha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 13th, 2011, 06:28 PM   #58
sunglatisha
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf_angel View Post
Satisfaction who are talking too? Since I have replied to this post on several occasions, I am wondering who you are talking too. The only person has the only solution to this is the one involved. Their choices is what is going to make the difference. Hence I have no clue as to whether or not you are involved for that matter, or want to step in maybe where you dont belong perhaps? I hope you did read the rules for this website. Its not a pick up place, nor for those who are only here to harass others. It wont be tolerated. By the way, Love is universal. Yet between two people who are in love, fell in love or whatever in that mix, what happens in their relationship is on them. I love many others on here in a sisterly way. I hope they know who they are! Thus I am curious as to who you are talking too.
Amen to that sister!!! I got lost reading those posts too. Sorry I don't meet strangers online in person anymore than I used too knowing that someone can be anybody that is creepy and what not. No offense.
sunglatisha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old September 14th, 2011, 06:19 AM   #59
bi34F
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
The woman on the other side...

This goes out to all the women on here talking about falling in love with men who are married and you are married too..... I am married to a wonderful man and I have been for 15 years. Last year I found that he had topless pics of another woman on his phone and had been texting her for months. She is a friend. I was floored. You guys just dont know what it feels like to be the woman on the other side. You need to stop sneaking around and be real women and let the other woman know what is going on. No matter how hard that may be. Think of how you would feel if it happened to you.
  Reply With Quote
Old September 14th, 2011, 08:35 AM   #60
Wolf_angel
A survivor of chaos
 
Wolf_angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 3,147
Well said Bi34F I know what it feels like to be the other woman. My husband after being together 15 years married for 14 cheated on me. Lied, abused and made my life hell. Has it gotten better. No! But I have put a limit now on how he is allowed to hurt me.(mentally) He hasnt stepped over that line of physical although was close at times. Yet I do have a game plan for myself. Slowly its coming along but in the end he will find out what he has done will cost him. Hence I do know. I felt it and lived thru it. So thus now I am a survivor and thus will eventually move on. That is why I give out the words that should help at least I hope it does. For that is what was intended.
Suglatisha glad it is working out. Also glad that I am not the only one who wondered who satisfaction was talking too! Hugs
__________________
May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~
Wolf_angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:42 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Copyright ?1996-2008, Women Online Worldwide