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Old June 2nd, 2011, 07:19 PM   #1
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Lightbulb Help me! How to tell if a pastor is filtering?

Here is a little about how the friendship straight. She first came to our church September 2008. I didn?t really get to know her until one time at Lent time she decided to sit next to me this was in 2009. Then I asked her to have lunch with me at my college. I was hoping she would have made a move on me but we didn?t even know each other yet. I did ask her if she is planning on staying married with her husband that she was married for 2 years. Then she says she will because she is close to his family. Then she says that some day in the future she will have lunch with me again, but she wants to keep in touch. I just email and she sometimes emails me back. One time last year I wrote about her in a speech class saying she doesn?t take about her private life like I do. Then she told me she can?t because what she tells on member she has to tell the others. That?s part of the church rules. She can never have a close relationship as she does with her other friends.
Well any ways here is what I am releasing lately that she is starting to flirt with me or it feels like it. I have been looking up information on it. It started for me when I went into her office when I was in the area. I told her that she looked cool, well this is because she was wearing sandals. I never pictured her having sandals on at work, but they don?t really have a dress code. To her this was filtering. Then the next Sunday I was waiting to see her. I had a warm feeling inside that I never felt before. Then she was going to head into her office to drop of something and then she touched my shoulder and said she will be back. This is a sign of filtering with me. When we talking I was telling her me and my mom don?t get enough with my dad?s hours. She didn?t say anything just it seems like her eyes were giving the message like don?t worry you will be moving in with me.
The next Sunday she was had to give the sermon. When she was waiting to sing I felt her staring at me and I looked up and she was. Than after the service we were shaking hands like pastors normally do. She didn?t have time to talk to me afterwards. Any ways she did shake my hand but instead of releasing it she just kept on holding my hand and then all of sudden she put her other hand on top of it. All of the time we were talking and I kept my eye contact with her and she never did look away. I more felt a romantic feeling and I actually would kiss if we weren?t in a church setting. This is a sign of filtering with holding hands and looking at each other longer than normal. Other times she would hold my hand and put her other one on top of that when we can?t talk, just this time I was more paying attention. Before I would just take my hand away and she would actually want to hold on to it longer. Then I started to just not take my hand away tell she released it.
For the last two years I have asked her to come over to my house when my parents are on vacation and she says she is too busy. I was just planning on playing board games.
I am all of a sudden having these fancy about her that she would come over when my parents are on vacation. That she would sit next to be on the coach or bed and then she would hold my hand. Than we would look in each other?s eyes and then she would start to kiss me. Than from there we would take off each other?s clothes and start touching each other.
I did wants go in to her office this year after the service and her husband was in there and I told her I never get to see you that much, this is due to the fact that she was on vacation with her husband for 3 weeks. Then he told me he never sees her that much and he lives with her.
I did ask her if she was every planning on having children and she told me she does when the time is right. She asked be the same question and I said yes.
One summer service I think a few summers ago. She came up to me and stood right in my personal space. I did feel uncomfortable. I never did leave the position.
I am thinking that she is a lesbian or she wants to become one. I have never been a lesbian, but I would try it. I think that she is flirting with me to get me interested in her, so we would both be ready to make the next step. Otherwise I would feel awkward if she actually was holding my hand and decides to kiss. I wouldn?t really know what to do, because I would think that we were friends not more than friends. I am thinking this could the reason she didn?t want to come over at least last year because all I know that she was interested in me. I was just thinking we were friends.
I know that I am the one who has to ask her out, but I don?t know where I should take her. I mean I want to be friends with her and not make her feel uncomfortable. I don?t know if I should hold her hand or wait tell she makes the move. I know the kissing part she should be the one to start it. I just think it harder to know what to do when she is my pastor. I know if she really wants me bad enough she will make the next move. With anyone else it really wouldn?t matter. I can?t go up to her and say I attracted to until we are in the relationship. I could picture us living together. Just she has to divorce her husband and most likely leave the church because I don?t think the church would like it if she was involved with a member. The members wouldn?t really question her because she has been there a long time and pastors always get calling to go to another church. Especially when she this is the first church she started at. My church is ELCA so they do allow lesbians to be pastors since last year. She could be thinking its ok to date me.
Help me out is she really making moves on me or am I just imaging this.
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