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Old December 5th, 2003, 02:56 PM   #1
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Unhappy My heart is in a blender

I dont know what to do... I feel so lost... I have no one I can talk to because all my friends are his friends and he wouldnt want me to tell bad things about him to them...

Last week I found out that he and a female friend had been having a small afair... She is a girl we both know online so they have never met but speak every day. I confronted my husband about it and he promised that it was innocent, I talked to her and she was very sorry for the whole thing. I forgave them both because I dont want to lose my husband by telling him he cant be friends with her anymore.

But it is so hard... I am so scared of losing him to her even though he reasues me that he loves me. On one hand I feel like a fool for letting him string me along like this again (3 years ago the same thing happend and he fell in love with the woman, he spend 6 months telling me he didnt know if he loved her more but finally decided to stay with me) and on the other hand I feel awful for being a terrible wife who wants to break up a relationship between him and his best friend.

Thank you for listening
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Old December 5th, 2003, 05:43 PM   #2
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Cathy, I think you need to work on why you're scared of losing him. You have nothing to feel badly about. He did it before, he's doing it now, and he will do it again.

You need to use your energy to work on yourself and why you want to hang in there while he continues to press blender buttons.
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Old December 6th, 2003, 02:14 PM   #3
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I am sorry that you are going through such a sad time. I am sure it isn't easy. I felt the same way a year ago. I was so scared, but finally had enough heartbreak. With all the strengthe I could, I told him to go. I finally decided that I deserved better treatment, even if it means being alone. With children this isn't easy. I pray that you will find your answer.
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Old December 6th, 2003, 05:42 PM   #4
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Wink Do yourself a favor

Listen up! You are a smart intelligent caring person who deserves better. If that man can do this once and is doing a repeat then more than likely he will again. Take a vacation from him...Go and visit your friends. Or your family. Whatever but make sure not to tell him where and who you will be with. Leave him hanging. Try this for a few weeks. Disable the computer prior to your leaving so he has no access. Then see what happens. I know for a fact there are many other men who'd love to have a woman such as yourself. You have so many gifts to share and he is not appreciating them or you. Try this vacation as an experiment. As a trial run to the possiblity of leaving him. See how you feel and do. While on this vacation don't dwell on him dwell on yourself. Give yourself the star treatment you so richly deserve. I have been there and done that. Its highly difficult to do this vacation when you have kids but thank goodness I had my parents when we did divorce. I am now remarried to a fabulous man who loves my kids as if they were his own. We have been married for on to 8 years still going strong. So come on what are you waiting for? Keep us posted! (((( Cathy ))))) that was a hug hun! You more than likely need it.
Have a great day!
~*~ May you walk in the Shadow of the Creator!~*~
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Old December 23rd, 2003, 06:18 PM   #5
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you are actually going to let him be friends with her because you're afraid of losing him? Why degrade yourself like that?? You dont think you deserve to be respected and treated better? Shoot, i break up with a guy if he doesnt have time for me, let alone an affair. If he admitted it, then apologized, then said it would never happen again, then maybe i would give him another chance, but i havent been in that situation before.
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Old December 24th, 2003, 10:11 AM   #6
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First, Welcome Lisa, nice to see you here. WOW has some great people both in the WOWs and in the roomies. Hope to see you in the chats .

Cathy, Wish I could make your fears go away. Would your husband and yourself consider marriage counseling. How about just for you if he won't go. May I suggest something if I may be bold..
Cathy, It's time for you! Yes, it is. Time to do something nice for yourself. Do something that will make you happy bring a smile to your face. buy yourself a present. Time to remember you count. Take a step back and ask yourself what it is YOU want in your life, out of this relationship. Tell him you don't like being in the blender. He needs to make a decision and follow though with it. Good luck in whatever decision you make.
Cathy, Do you work? Are you crafty? Get busy being as comfortable as possible being just you. You count remember that.''

Happy Holidays to all
Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *
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Old February 13th, 2004, 06:36 PM   #7
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I just want you to know that I think what you are feeling is valid. Even besides the whole history with that other women, I personally dont think that it is healthy for a man in a marriage or a relationship to have another women in his life that is that close to him, because nothing good can come from it. When a person starts to share themselves emotionally with a person, nothing is left but for feelings to come up and then people fall in love.
Maybe you should try and develope a relationship with him. Not just as his wife but aslo as his best friend. I know this sounds idealistic but it is possible it is just hard work, it means that sometimes you are going to hear things you dont want to hear and vis versa. But its worth it for sure.

It will strengthen your bond with him and these things you concern yourself with now, will not even be an issue.
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Old February 14th, 2004, 03:47 PM   #8
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MsLanee, I sorta agree with you. I do beleive being your partner's best friend is a good idea. I don't necc agree that having a best friend who is the opposite sex will lead to only bad things.
I feel my parnter and I being best friends strenghtens our relationship. We openely talk about thing that affect our relationship with each other or just our personal lives.Of Course then again according to Us Goverment I can be not much more then "best friends" with my partner in 39 states.
/me grumbles
" Life is what you make of it"
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Old February 15th, 2004, 03:47 PM   #9
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Right, Minty.... there are such things as platonic friendships, and maybe I just live in an ivory tower but I've never had a friendship lead to an affair, and I've never seen it among my friends. However, I do have to disagree with MsLanee on one point -- "When a person starts to share themselves emotionally with a person, nothing is left but for feelings to come up and then people fall in love." -- Friendships *are* emotional investments in other people.

I think in any kind of relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic, there in the back of our minds is an ongoing debate: Is this emotional investment worth the potential pain? A "Yes" can be pretty scary, but we do forge on ahead anyway, don't we? The payoff in happiness and contentment is sometimes much more than we thought it could be. At least, that is what my wonderful sweetheart and I think.
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Old February 15th, 2004, 05:57 PM   #10
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Hey Everyone

Took me awhile to post here.

Although not everyone who has a friend of the opposite sex will have a affair.

I know from personal experience it is a dangerous position.

I have been there and it is not a good place to be.
When a husband or wife spends more time with their friend than their own spouse there is a problem .

My affair almost cost me my family and it isn't worth it.
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Old February 16th, 2004, 11:25 AM   #11
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sometimes having a friend that turns into the one you love can be wonderful. In all relationships you take chances. You have to have trust,or you have nothing. If you damage that trust, then you have problems. I know. I had a 3 year relationship go in the dumper because he lost trurst in me. So, I found someone new how started as a friend and turned out to be someone I love. Okay, so he drives me crazy sometimes but, the good so far out weighs the bad.
It feels like home to me. Bonnie Rhatt
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Old December 21st, 2006, 01:19 AM   #12
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wats a gurl 2 do?

i could use some friends.

i hope to find some hear.

thanx to my friend for tellin me bout this place. seems nice.

merry christmas
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