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Old November 5th, 2010, 12:45 PM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 5
Sex Issues

Hi, I'm having problems with my fiance in the bedroom. When we first met he would work out, was in shape, fix his hair, dress nice, etc. Now after almost 3 years hes gained 50 pounds, doesn't care about his appearance and he grew man boobs. I truly love him and care for him but I feel this change in appearance might be what's causing these problems. For a year now he gets tired when we have sex and if he starts talking while we're having sex he kinda snorts while he's talking and UUH I get turned off. Then he knows that I don't like him to play with my butthole and he still tries anyway. He's always in the mood for lovin and always wants foreplay. I hate foreplay. I can only take the licking and kissing up and down the body for 2 minutes tops. Then he always wants me to give him a blow job and I hate doing that. Especially because he's not circumsized and he has hair growing ON his shaft. If I'm in the mood, I just want him to put it in! I've always loved sex and have always been very open about it with him. I tell him what I want and it goes in one ear and out the other. I feel like he's a virgin and I have to guide him through the process. In the past year it's been more like a chore and I've had to fantasize during sex to have orgasims. If I don't fantasize then I don't orgasim. I feel guilty afterwards and don't want to have sex because I'll do it again. I've also been feeling tempted to cheat.. I need him to be direct and firm and take control of the situation. I guess something new. Some excitment. I love him and I want things to work. I've already talked to him about working out, what I like in bed, what he likes in bed, and everything else. I fear, this will result in cheating on him and I don't want that. Someone please help me out. My minds all twisted up and I can't find a solution.
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Old February 14th, 2011, 07:07 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 44
It seems like you're unsatisfied with him and want him to change...but you don't seem to realize that compromising goes both ways.

The first issue is that you need to bring this up to him, not us. We can give you all the advice in the world but if it doesn't work with him then it's useless. If you feel you cannot be open with your fiance, then you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you're willing to spend your life with a man you're too scared to talk to. There's a problem.

You need to let him know that your sex life is faltering, then make a list of what you're willing to compromise with and what you aren't. This, again, goes both ways. For example, you can say something like, "I really need you to stop making snorting noises and talking during sex. This is distracting and makes me feel like you aren't taking sex seriously. In return, I will be more willing to give you blow jobs."

You also need to ask yourself, "Am I asking too much? Am I asking him to do something I wouldn't do?" For example, you say that he gained 50lbs and you aren't attracted to him for that. If you gained 50lbs, would you want him to still be attracted to you or would you want him to find you sexually unappealing?

It really seems like all you're focusing on is you, you, you. YOU don't like foreplay. YOU just want him to stick it in. YOU don't like giving blow jobs. YOU think he's fat. YOU don't like anal. What about his needs? A relationship is made of two people, not one. You need to ask yourself if you're being too selfish.
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