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Old March 22nd, 2009, 09:04 PM   #16
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Anyone else? I could use a laugh!
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Old March 23rd, 2009, 09:16 PM   #17
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Here's one for you RJ.. made me smile..cuz it's oh so true in my world... LOL!


The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews

And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman.


For the final test, the FBI agents took one of

The men to a large metal door and handed

Him a gun.


'We must know that you will follow your

Instructions no matter what the circumstances.


Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

In a chair ... . . Kill her!!'


The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could

Never shoot my wife.'


The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man

For this job. Take your wife and go home.'


The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was

Quiet for about 5 minutes.


The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,

But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't

Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'


Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the

Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the

Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one

After another. They heard screaming, crashing,

Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the

Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.


'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to

Beat him to death with the chair.'


MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
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Old March 28th, 2009, 06:14 PM   #18
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LOL!!!

Not sure if weird old songs your parents sang on road trips qualifies as a joke, but I remember one that my parents sang whenever we had to drive miles and miles and hours and hours...Sounded like something you'd hear from a very warped barbershop quartet, and ended with the following lines:

"When the dog died, we had hot dogs,
when the cat died, catnip tea.
When the landlord died, I left there.
Spare ribs were too much for me."

Used to crack my sister and me up every time.
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Old March 29th, 2009, 10:44 AM   #19
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ROTFL!!!! i bet it did!!!! felicia and I sang the grease soundtrack yesterday while we were cleaning house... did the moves to the songs and everything..oooh to have a hidden camera somewhere to record those moments...

HUGS EVERYONE!
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Old March 31st, 2009, 09:55 PM   #20
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Your family sounds as delightfully warped and twisted as mine was!
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Old April 1st, 2009, 06:01 PM   #21
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giggle...well, we do try...
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Old April 2nd, 2009, 10:11 AM   #22
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THIS is why I love you both {this much }
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Old April 3rd, 2009, 12:49 AM   #23
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Aww, shucks, crazymomma!
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Old April 5th, 2009, 05:14 PM   #24
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aww gee whiz.
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Old April 6th, 2009, 12:15 AM   #25
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Great! You brought an Easter basket!
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Old April 6th, 2009, 10:54 AM   #26
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Yep, now be nice and share. There is plenty to go around. .... here comes peter cotton tail hopping down the bunny trail..... I seem to be in the spirit for Easter.
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Old April 8th, 2009, 10:36 PM   #27
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...hippity-hoppity, Easter's on its way! I think we all need holidays for so many reasons.
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Old April 10th, 2009, 12:16 AM   #28
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Talking

So which came first???

The had to hatch from a , however the had to come from the !!!!



Happy Easter/ Passover to all.
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Old May 27th, 2009, 02:08 PM   #29
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Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to do. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.

He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She than mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots onto his feet again.

She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
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Old May 28th, 2009, 10:01 PM   #30
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OMG!

Okay, here's one my granddaughter told me.

Why did the cow pack her bags?
She was getting ready to mooooove!
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