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Old April 28th, 2011, 07:14 AM   #1
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Question Family falling apart

Hello everyone

I don't usually post on forums but I really really need some advice

At the moment my family is in a number of ways completely falling apart, and I am caught in the middle. I am the middle child of three, with a younger brother and older sister.

A) My sixteen yr old brother is verbally abusive, threatening, and rude to everyone including my mother and father, but they don't act!! They seem to have given up and become apathetic.

He has thrown objects at me and on a daily basis is abusive. He is failing school and spends all his time on the internet doing I have no idea what, and he is becoming more and more crass and violent. This makes me and my sister really anxious. My mother still treats him like a baby and often blames my sister and I for provoking him. We don't, he just has a phenomenal temper and a sense that he is always right, and that he can intimidate us.

Sometimes he makes me feel so small and powerless.

B) This has always been the case: My parents never speak unless necessity demands it. They had a very unhappy marriage and stayed together for the kids.

NOW: My dad has recently moved out, which is good because there is less tension, but my mother has become really nagging, shouts a lot over the tiniest things and is depressive/ keeps referring to herself as a martyr.

I understand her stress: She is facing job insecurity and has health issues. Yet she has lost all sense of wanting to do things with me and my siblings, she would rather just watch tv or go round my aunty's house. She sometimes will just ignore me when I'm speaking, as though she doesn't hear, or just sit staring into space.

My dad is pleasant to be around but has never been an active parent (was always abroad when he lived with us anyway). He too neglects any issues, is self obsessed and can be really critical, and pressures all three of us.

C) My sister can't handle this and has been spending long periods outside the house with her boyfriend. Her and my mum are not speaking and my mum seems to loathe her for leaving the house and not contributing (cooking or cleaning).

Whenever my sister criticises my mum's tolerance of my brother's violence my mum just strikes out at my sister and is really cruel.

She sees my sister as ungrateful. Also- She doesn't understand why she needs to be with her boyfriend so much. Mum never gives advice about boyfriends in general though, she has this strange attitude where we shouldn't tell her unless its serious.

My sister is going away next week for two months travelling.

I leave to go to university in the Autumn.

I feel like there is some irreparable damage going on...

I feel like everything is falling apart. How can I mend this and create harmony?

I would really appreciate advice, or if anyone has been through a similar situation if you could share your experiences with me. I have no one to talk to about this. Thank you.
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Old April 30th, 2011, 03:16 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 648
Hi ss123, sounds serious! I feel badly for you and your entire family as it seems you are all hanging on by a thread. Have you considered some type of family intervention where you and maybe your sis can gather everyone together and have a meeting about your troubles? Because it seems like there is a major lack of communication. I hope the best for you.
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