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Old August 12th, 2007, 10:05 PM   #1
madent
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Trust Issues

I need help. My hubby told me he doesn't trust me but I didn't do anything for him not to. I quit doing all my outside stuff except work. I don't socialize with anyone now cuz I don't want to make him mad. We've been married 17 yrs and we have 4 kids together. I'm not sure if I can survive this. I feel so hurt and lost. I don't know what to feel. My heart hurts. We've done alot of talking but I still don't believe anything he says. I feel like I can't do anything right. I need help!!!
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Old August 13th, 2007, 04:40 PM   #2
PoohsBigSister
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after 9 long years of this, I am finally strong enough to let him go. That's what I needed to do.

Have you been to counseling? will he go?? if not, you should go by yourself!!

Trust me, if there is no trust, it can't work.
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Old August 14th, 2007, 11:00 AM   #3
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Wink Hmmmm

((((( madent )))))
Do what PoohsBigSister says. At least for yourself. Apparently your hubby has some issues. Good luck!

Have a great day!
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Old September 18th, 2007, 03:10 AM   #4
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Trust! I don't trust my husband and I have valid reasons not too. Does your husband have reasons not to trust you? Perhaps it is out of his own guilt. Sometimes when people are out doing stuff they shouldn't be, they turn it around on you and try to SHIFT blame. He could be guilty of that one girly! Trying to say he doesn't trust you when HE is the one that shouldn't be trusted, ya know?
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Old September 18th, 2007, 09:51 PM   #5
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Has he said why he doesn't trusts you? I agree with Laurie, he may be transfering his guilt onto you, because he's guilty of something.
Best advice, counseling, either together or you go alone. He's being cruel and abusive to you, mentally.
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Old September 19th, 2007, 07:08 AM   #6
madent
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He says he hasn't cheated on me and I never cheated on him. He ordered this Marriage Fitness CD set by Mort Fertel but I'm not sure it's working. One minute he's doing good but then he says something to hurt me. The last time was his doubt issues were because of my flirtyness but then he said that was one of the things he loves about me. He says he doesn't want me to change but he complains about how I'm so easy going. I'm feeling like I can't be myself any more. I don't dare talk to a guy for fear he'll get mad or accuse me of cheating. All I did was say Hi to the guy. I've had girlfriends ask me out and he wonders if I'm going to hook up with the bartender. What am I to do??
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Old September 19th, 2007, 11:42 AM   #7
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What several of us have said previously, counseling, either together or you alone if he won't go. Give him an ultimatum, either he gets help or you end up in divorce, because he's an abuser.
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Old September 20th, 2007, 07:47 AM   #8
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He left last night. He packed as much as he could and left after we argued again for 3 hours. I feel a bit relieved but I'm not sure how long he'll be gone. Am I really ready to go it alone?? What about my kids?? Should I tell them now or wait a bit? This is the first morning I didn't wake up with a headache or stiff neck.
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Old September 20th, 2007, 01:20 PM   #9
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Good luck, Take one day at a time. You're not alone.

What are the kids ages. Tell them something. Let them know it's not their fault.

Still get counseling, work though this. You will prob find a lot of things in your life are better.

Some fighting in a relationship is normal. When it gets beyond normal it's time to rethink the situation. Reevaluate!!


Good luck, one day, one step.
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Old September 20th, 2007, 01:36 PM   #10
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This is the first day I haven't gotten up with a headache......What does this tell you? As Irish Eyes said, take one day at a time. Get counseling, tell your kids depending on their ages, Daddy and Mommy had a fight, he left. This has absolutely nothing to do with any of you.
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Old September 22nd, 2007, 12:29 PM   #11
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The kids are all teenagers. I know they can tell somethings wrong cuz they hear us fighting but they think it's because of the bills.
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Old September 22nd, 2007, 12:35 PM   #12
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Then tell them Dad left, we aren't getting along and it has absolutely nothing to do with any of you nor is it about bills. It's between the two of us. Get counseling, get them counseling if they seem to not be handling it. If hubby wants to come back, say no, he has to earn his way back by counseling, getting some kind of anger management help etc. Oh and get a lawyer, make sure he does't wipe out your bank accounts.

He's not happy, seems he needed to find things to get crazy over or as an excuse to leave.
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Old September 22nd, 2007, 12:40 PM   #13
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madent,
Kids especially teen kids are not clueless. Not when it comes to problems in the home. Be up front with them. Let them know it's nothing to do with them.

Don't be surprised if they act a bit relieved. They could end up blaming either parent. Depends on what they have seen, and heard. Sometimes they hear more than they see. More than you think they do.

Talk to them. Be honest with them. Don't go tossing blame. Tell them that neither or you could work things out, and this was the best way to go.

If there has been that much descent in the the house. ( sounds like a lot ). It's better to separate.

Don't use the kids to stay together. It's unhealthy for all.


Now if you were both going for counseling, and trying to make a go of things it would be different.
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Old November 28th, 2007, 08:08 PM   #14
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Here I am again. I'm still having trouble. We have began counceling and the therapist is on my side. She is trying to figure out why my husband is doing what he's doing. She believes I began an emotional relationship with this other guy who is a bartender. I agree because my hubby wanted nothing to do with me and this bartender was willing to listen to my troubles because he had gone thru something simular in his 10 yr relationship with his girlfriend. They didn't have any kids and they were never married. Where I live, Common law marriages are not recognized. My problem is I still want to be with this bartender, not my hubby. This guy won't talk to me anymore because I began talking about divorce and he didn't want to be the reason for it. He never was but he won't listen to me. It's been months since I've talked to or seen him but I can't shake this feeling. What am I doing wrong?? I feel hurt, depressed, sad, and angry all at the same time. I'm not eating or sleeping well. My mind and dreams are all revolved around this bartender. I can't tell the therapist cuz my hubby comes with me. I'm sooooo lost and tired. Things have been better between my hubby and I but it's still a struggle. Not saying the right thing or doing the right thing. I'm going crazy!!! Help
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Old November 29th, 2007, 10:04 PM   #15
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madent, I can relate. I live with someone who doesn't trust me. He tells me all the time he doesn't want me but if he even thinks I talking to another man he flips out!! The message I get from this is he don't want me but he don't want nobody else to be with me. My therapest was great and I finally realized that it's not me but him. As far as the bartender goes. Ask yourself if you could see the future with him. Money says no. It was just really nice to have some one to listen and show understanding. When you made noises that you wanted to be with him he backed off. Ask the counseler(by phone) if you can speak with them alone. I'm sure something can be worked out.

Good luck hon. And remember, when it's a battle of the heart or the head listen to the head.
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