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Old January 12th, 2001, 11:28 PM   #1
ShadowWOW
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Raising our sons to be good Men!
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Old April 29th, 2002, 01:51 PM   #2
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Yes I agree, that this is one of the most crucial things we can do for all womankind!
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Old October 15th, 2002, 03:22 PM   #3
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I struggle with this issue. I want my sons to be caring, sensitive men. I also want them to be strong decisive men. It's hard to walk that line, for them and for me. Do you all feel that it's harder to raise boys now than it was.. say.. 50 years ago? I think men and women both are struggling to find their new identities in society.
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Old October 15th, 2002, 03:45 PM   #4
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I always try to remember that I am raising someone's husband. Is it harder now than 50 years ago? I dunno I wasn't raising kids then. Having a consistent, firm, secure, presence in our kids lives is so important I believe and also treating your kids like you would want to be treated, with respect. Mutual respect is important.
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Old October 15th, 2002, 04:19 PM   #5
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I think boys are easier to raise than girls. I have a step-son and 5 nephews and just one neice. She takes the cake and icing too!
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Old October 15th, 2002, 07:47 PM   #6
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Hey ya`ll.. Question!

How does one go about letting her son know the "mom" is the boss and not him? I don`t mean the boss over everything, but to a degree.. There are things we discuss and things I feel we don`t need to discuss, for when I say it goes it goes. But yet he feels he can over-rule me and do te exact opposite! And I will not spank him for doing it neither. I am tryin to correct him, but at the same time I am learning `cause I have to do this all over again with Jr in a few years..
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Old October 15th, 2002, 08:30 PM   #7
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I think you can explain your reasons for certain rules, without it becoming a discussion to see who wins. Mutual respect (as Terri said) is very important.
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Old October 16th, 2002, 01:26 AM   #8
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Respect?

I give respect, but no respect is givin back.
It is almost to the point where "the belt" is needed. He thinks what mom says is a joke, literaly!!

I guess I am asking how to control him without using "the belt". To get a bit of respect from him would be awesome, but I do know that has t come in time!

Now when dad tells him to do something, trust me he does it on the first time telling. No second time needed! Dad has the respect from him.



Then again maybe I am wanting to too much from a 9 year old?

Dac
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Old October 16th, 2002, 02:17 AM   #9
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Your job is to set limits. His job, at nine, is to test them. Sounds like it's time for you and dad to have a talk. Dad needs to reinforce the limits you've already set. Dad needs to ask him, "what did mom say?" Dad needs to let him know that in this household we respect mom and what she says goes.

It also sounds like he's so involved with doing wrong that all of his attention right now is negative. How about setting aside some time each day for the two of you to do something special together. Even if it's just taking a walk, carving a pumpkin, baking an apple pie. (hey, the fall season got to me.<g>) And, no matter what trouble he's in, don't use losing that time as a threat. No matter what he does, everything goes away when you spend your special time together.

Belts and hitting don't earn respect. They only earn fear.
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Old October 16th, 2002, 10:32 AM   #10
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I like Addie's suggestion for the "special time" together. I think that sometimes we become so busy that the majority of the attention we give our children is in that boss/child battlezone.
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Old October 16th, 2002, 10:33 AM   #11
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I definitely agree with the thing about talking to "Dad". It is very very important for you all to be a united front. Your kids need to see and know that Dad is going to back you up. Does he treat you with respect? He needs to, the kids will pick up on that and use it if not.

I have a 9 year old boy as well. I know from what I see and read that this is a time for them to be more aware of the world. It can be a fearful time for them, it is for my son. They want more freedom, and they estimate themselves as having more power and judgement than they really do. It's a hard age for them, sort of a transition time. I agree that it's necessary for them to have postitive time with you. I find it very difficult day in and day out to find time to devote to just being with my kids. I spend a lot of the time that they're home cooking, getting them to do homework, running around as a taxi for them, etc. I'm going to try to find more time to do something positive with my 9 year old. I think he might be feeling left out.
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Old October 16th, 2002, 11:12 AM   #12
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(((( Addie )))))
I agree with you 100%
As to the "dad" part. We have been divorced for almost 2 months now and I don`t think this is an issue with dad and son.. When dad was in the house he was fine, but now that he is not in the house, My son feels he is the ruler. Yas ee what I am saying?
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Old October 16th, 2002, 12:13 PM   #13
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I probably shouldn't even be in here since I have a daughter, not a son and I know those can be very different relationships, but I was also divorced when my daughter was just 8.

I would tell your son that no matter what he does, no matter how "bad" he is, that you'll never leave him or send him away. It may very well be that he thinks you'll stop loving him too, since you stopped loving dad. After all, they're both "guys." And, I would also tell him that you'll take care of him, that he doesn't have to worry about you. Maybe he thinks he has to be the head of the household to protect and care for you. So much gets confused inside kids that they don't even know what they're trying to figure out. I think now is the time to just give lots of extra hugs and love no matter what.

{{{BoogieWoogie}}}<g>
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Old October 16th, 2002, 12:52 PM   #14
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I agree.

(((((((Daccie)))))) I hadn't heard, I'm sorry.
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Old October 16th, 2002, 01:10 PM   #15
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I think respect is very important. Don't discount the possibility that you may learn something from him every once in a while. Some democracy in a family goes a long way, I think.
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