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Old January 12th, 2001, 11:28 PM   #1
AuntieWOW
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For survivors of stalking and their friends to give and receive support.
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Old April 16th, 2001, 03:03 AM   #2
Stophie
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In 1996, I returned to college after a 3 years hiatus. I had worked as a server during the interim and continued to do so during my last year of studies as it worked great with my class schedule. A co-worker that I was uninterested in continuously asked me out every shift we worked together. One night I went out with several co-workers of which he was one of them. I was able to enjoy his company, much to my surprise and thus began my nightmare. This was in July...by August I started back to school full-time(I was part-time that summer) and all my classes were at 8am. Without rehashing all of the mostly repressed memories, the sum of it was 4 months of mental and physical abuse. Why 4 months? Because we worked together and I was not going to be working the next semester (my last semester) so couldn't afford to quit. When I told work of the situation, they told me that since he had been there 3 years, and his work performance had improved during our "relationship" that they could do nothing to help me. I tried many times to end the relationship but he would call all hours of the night, harass my friends and roommates, and even broke into my apt twice. I finally was able to end the relationship for good that January--the day I was able to quit my job. But the nightmare didn't end, it only got worse. 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I didn't tell him. I only confide in 3 ppl other than my family. One of those was a co-worker I thot I trusted. Within days of sharing this he called...he knew. My life became a living hell. I couldn't sleep, eat, I lived in terror. After much anguish and counseling, and with my mother at my side, I terminated my pregnancy. This only made matters worse as far as his harrassment/stalking, etc. My landlord had a no trespassing order placed against him but that didn't deter him. The police were a nightly fixture at my apt. Friends, acquaintances, classmates I hardly knew were calling or approaching me to tell me that he had spoke with them telling them EVERYTHING but with the attitude that he was the victim. Told them we were engaged, told them(falsely) that I had been raped as a teen and was afraid of relationships because of it, told them about the abortion, anything and everything whether it be true or false he was sharing with anyone he thot knew me or knew who I was. I pressed charges against him in March. We finally went to court in June. Unfortunately, he had a lawyer that confused me as to chronological sequence of events (there were too many to count) and as a result the charges were dismissed. I was almost arrested for contempt for lashing out at the judge and the D.A. To make a very long story short, I finally got my restraining order---but only after going to his house to get my Driver's License which he refused to give me and denied having (I could've gotten another but it was a matter of principle). When I got there he started with the threats again and I snapped--- I kicked his um butt, literally. He called the cops on ME this time. Seeing as I was a regular now with the police they turned it over to the Domestic Violence Unit and thru the case worker assigned I was given my reprieve at last...legally, at least. For the next year the harrassment, stalking, threats continued...tho now he knew how to do it without crossing that line that would violate the restraining order. After being in counseling for as long, and discussing the matter with my closest of close friends, I did what I had to do. I told ALL my friends I was moving to North Carolina to take a job there, when in reality I moved elsewhere. For over a year and a half afterwards I still jumped when the phone rang, still looked over my shoulder when out alone, still felt my heart drop when I saw someone that resembled him thinking he had found me. Even now 3 years after I left town, I don't live in constant fear, but still wonder if he knows where I am or is looking for me. As evil as this sounds, I have wished him dead and have no guilty conscience for wishing this. I just hope future women who are unfortunate enuff to be involved with him get out in one piece.
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Old May 1st, 2001, 05:29 PM   #3
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((((((Stophie)))))) What a terrifying thing to go through. I'm not at all surprised that you still look over your shoulder or that you don't wish him well. How could you?

One thing about "stalking" is that at least now many people do understand that it is generally men we know who do that. I remember when the stereotype was that it was strangers - usual story, I guess, society wanting to blame everything on a few strange men.

I hope that you can carry on finding safety and a happier life, Stophie
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Old June 13th, 2002, 04:28 AM   #4
Lauralee
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stalking

I was in a marriage with a man who "stalked" me in my own home. He was committed to an institution beacuse of it. He would follow me to the bathroom even, if I did not lock the door. Then he would wait outside. He would wake me up at 2 am. staring. He wrote poems that were disturbing. I was controlled in many ways. I decided to end the marriage, but because of financial stuff, I had to stay in the home, so that my children who are both special needs were taken care of.
I started a college course and was going to work after, to get the bills down.
We were seperated in the home. He stayed in the basement, and I lived upstairs. Then I went away for a weekend, with someone I had met. I came back, on a sunday night to find myself arrested for assault ( i had thrown a paperback dictionary at hubby, two weeks before, during an arguement, he added other allegations as well) and ordered to stay away from my home and my children.
To avoid a technical conviction, i have had to sign a peace order. Which states, I cannot go to my own home for a year.
He is trying to say im an unfit mother and take my babes away, so that i cannot even see them. I was cleared, within three days by the ministry of children and families, for any abuse allegations. (very rare, they always take longer to investigate)
Im homeless, at the moment, he pays no money. I was a stay at home mommy for ten years. I cannot get any social assistance because of government cutbacks where I live. I also have encountered the new cutbacks to legal aid. My court date for custody is 6 months away. I am now being stalked through the legal system.
I have never known fear like this before, and hope any woman living in British Columbia Canada who reads this makes sure she is never in this situation. Get out, and get your kids out. The courts and the police dont work for you.

Lauralee
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Old June 13th, 2002, 05:14 AM   #5
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(((((((Lauralee)))))))) I'm so sorry that all this has happened to you. Have you tried contacting women's groups in BC? I know there are good women who work on issues like yours in Canada and I hate to think of you alone with all this.

Take care.
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Old September 29th, 2002, 12:53 PM   #6
Lauralee
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To update. No changes except i have no legal aid at all. I had to leave the place i was living in, it was not safe. Social assistance gave me 424 dollars per month, for food and shelter, and I couldnt get anything for the alloted money. I was unable to find a job with no fixed adress. I had to leave BC and am now staying in the US with a freind. I miss my kids so badly, they miss me. The Government in BC also cut all the womens programs, so there is no relief available for anyone now. We are all on our own.

Lauralee
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Old March 1st, 2004, 11:21 AM   #7
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I live in Japan.In our country a woman have often used a portable telephone with e-mail function and been hurt,stalked or killed by a man who got to know on website.Have such cases happened near you?I think we shouldn't make websites that can hurt someone.We should use internet wisely.
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Old March 1st, 2004, 04:10 PM   #8
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We live in the country and out here we haven't had that kind of thing to worry about. I won't say that we have more common sense because in something that isn't true. We have had stalking issues. It has happened to me with one of the men son-in-law worked with. He had a real problem with being told no.
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Old March 1st, 2004, 06:39 PM   #9
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Hi.Thank you for your reply,crazymomma.There are many problems we are facing.
Honestly at first I couldn't trust those whome I had gotten to know on website beacause these cases had happened.But now I have many good friends in this site.
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Old March 2nd, 2004, 01:01 AM   #10
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Yes, this is a great place. It is full of alot of wonderful people. You are welcome. It's nice to hve a place to go where you feel comfortable to express yourself.
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