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Old June 8th, 2008, 12:57 PM   #1
Dreamer20
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Boyfriends and Porno - what is your take on this?

I'm new here so hi to all =)

before I go on to speak about something that has really been bothering me I'd just like to say thank you in advance for anyone who will take the time to listen..

I have been in a serious relationship now for almost 3.5 years. I love my boyfriend very much and we have a great relationship. We are with eachother pretty much everyday and he treats me like a princess. I really believe he is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. The only issue I have is that I know he looks at porn from time to time because I see it in his emails. In my opinion, I think porn is disgusting and everytime I mention it to him he says he doesn't look at it anymore (I confronted him about this before because I saw links to this garbage on his old computer). What he doesn't know is that I have seen a recent account he has made on a porno site. It seems that on days (which is rare) that we aren't together he goes on these websites. Is this normal? I mean, I know guys will be guys and do this type of thing but I have just always felt this type of stuff is disgusting. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is how to deal with it because I can't see myself without him. I want to be able to move past this stupid issue but I find it to always be in the back of my mind. Any advice would be greatly appreciated<3
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Old June 8th, 2008, 02:10 PM   #2
crazymomma
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Dreamer20. Welcome to wow. I don't know the guy I am with reads his email and plays on GSN that's it. So, I don't have to deal with it. If I did I would probably Quietly let him I know I know he is doing this. I don't like it but I also know I can't stop him. Just let it be known that out of respect for you it would be nice if he stopped.
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Old June 8th, 2008, 02:20 PM   #3
Dreamer20
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Hi Crazymomma =)

thanks for your reply...
i feel like this is something guys just do and i guess i just gotta learn to live with it..
ugh =\
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Old June 9th, 2008, 12:39 PM   #4
crazymomma
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Well, as I said I'm lucky. His son on the other hand has been caught more than once on them and at 13 we agree it's a no no and have told him we want to trust him but he makes it hard when he does that. As long as your guy isn't trying to meet any of these women to him it is probably nothing more than a fantasy. As long is it's you he turns to. As I said talk to him.
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Old June 9th, 2008, 03:52 PM   #5
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I agree with CrazyMomma. This is something that shouldn't be a "secret" because secrets tear at the fabric of relationships. If it's out in the open, you have a chance to voice your opinion, and you have a chance to see if it's really just a fantasy, or if he has a problem.
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Old June 11th, 2008, 09:19 AM   #6
Foreverauntie
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My boyfriend watches porn on tv. I've caught him watching. I don't know what I expected, but he was just watching. So maybe your boyfriend justs watches. Telling him your feelings is a good thing. At least he knows your feelings on the topic. But, maybe it is just as simple as just watching it. That doesn't change his feeling about you.
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Old June 12th, 2008, 09:25 AM   #7
crazymomma
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Both of you are right! It may not be our cup of tea but as long as they know we really don't like it but we respect their right to watch it. ON the other hand they should respect us enough to be open about it.
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Old June 16th, 2008, 12:55 PM   #8
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It depends for what reason people watch porn. If it's to enhance the sensation of being with a loved one then it's something different. I think both partners should be together while watching it. But if the person is doing it behind the other's back then it's something going on. I don't see why anyone would get turned on if it's not with their partner. Someway some how something is wrong. Communication should always be the key. Good luck.
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Old June 19th, 2008, 12:20 PM   #9
mouellett
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I'm new to wow, actually looked for website because I'm looking for advice on the same subject! When my boyfriend moved in I had told him that if I ever found out that he was watching porn INSTEAD of being with me, I would be very hurt. I came home from work a couple weeks ago and found a porn in the DVD player and told him that it hurt my feelings. Since then, I've been looking at the history on the internet and I realized that he's watching and downloading porn all the time. I too believe that guys will be guys but I am still hurt... I can't understand why he'd rather do this than be with me. We have a very open relationship and I am willing to watch him if he enjoys it, just so that it's something we do together. I'm very hurt when I go to bed at night and he doesn't try to have sex with me just to find out that he's taking care of himself instead. I don't know what to say or do.
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Old June 19th, 2008, 02:12 PM   #10
Napolitana <3
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been there

I have TRYED to watch porn with my fiance cuz i said to myself at least this way we do something together BUT i cant not hadle it....not the porn..but seeing him watching other wemon i get so mad and just end up yelling at him for likeing that stuff...so we agreed that if for some reason im not there to "help" him with his "need" then its ok for him to watch porn...
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Old July 1st, 2008, 06:06 PM   #11
skatemartha
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Help for the porn addict

Hi Dreamer,
My boyfriend is a self-admitted porn addict. He says that porn makes his life unmanagable and so he can't have or watch any at all. He has further said that if he starts with it again, I'll know he's in trouble because the guilt he has that is associated with porn leads him to alcohol and drugs too. He also knows that he cannot use the computer in safety....so he doesn't. So, I keep my eye out for him. I've got his back in this area because although I don't understand porn addiction, I understand how general addiction works. As for myself, I hate porn. It makes me feel gross, so I don't partake.
If I had any suggestion for you, it might be to google 'pornography addiction' and see what you can learn. Sounds to me like its already making his life unmanagable because he's lying for it and hiding it, and I would assume he doesn't like to think of himself as a liar. Anyway, I always say knowledge is power, and maybe there's some info about how you could help him, so check out what's out there and good luck. Skatemartha
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Old July 14th, 2008, 12:41 AM   #12
yrn2learn
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We don't get it they don't get it

This is what I call the "Male lust factor" Seems they all have it, at least all that I have met. Doesn't matter how sexy we are, how often we want sex men still need to watch and lust after other females. My guy watches , not sure how often and never in my company but I suspect he watches to get ready for our intimate times together. Sometimes I arrive and he all ready to go. Wonder how that happened? Because he was thinking of me ? Um probably not but it makes a good story. One thing for sure porn is not going anywhere it is ready available and here to stay I guess we all should deal with it head on open and honest but that part is difficult. I always feel like he would really prefer all of those women over me. They are prettier , sexier, and know a whole lot more than I do. It just plain makes most women feel bad and less interested in their men and sex. Maybe if we told them that it makes us not feel as giving and connected to them as we would or could be, it might cause them to think. ? I think if we knew how many hours are spent on porn in the average man's life we might be surprised. Tell him how it makes you feel, you owe it to yourself.
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Old December 29th, 2009, 03:08 PM   #13
forestgreen
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Your boyfriend may never change his porn habits so you can consider coming to some sort of compromise with him. Like, don't look at porn when you're around or be open about those porn accounts he's starting. If you absolutely can not live with the porn and he won't stop looking at it then you have to decide what's more important to you - staying with your current boyfriend or being with someone who doesn't look at porn?
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Old February 3rd, 2010, 10:47 PM   #14
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Haha...sweetie..watching porn is healthy thing unless he isn't addicted. I used to work at the government to censor the online harmful contents which means almost everyday I watched the porns alot ...ha~ Usually watching porn can make guys feel so satisfied and being confident. Guy's body are different from girls...especially sexual organ. Though you have to understand that Human being also an animal. God originally gave us the reproductive ability to be survived on the earth. If guys don't like to have sex with girls...the Human being can't exist someday...haha..so just understand him. the curiosity of sex is just their basic instinct. The sad thing is that recently human think too much , being smarter and many social problems, human made artificial stuffs such as materialism have occured with human's brain system deformation which finally caused into the hormone system problems...that's why recently so many homosexual people are coming out, many people don't want to have babies...Human being lost their origin.
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Old February 4th, 2010, 07:06 PM   #15
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Well as for men watching porn I know women do as well. As for others who may have come out of the closet that is their choice and I know I am proud of my baby brother for finally doing this. Does this mean that I love him less? No I dont I just love him as my brother. What he does behind closed doors is his business and I respect his privacy and love him more.
The thing about porn is that with the web its more accessible. Thus the pleasure is instant and quick. This doesnt replace a human being though. Nor does it replace love and etc. Hence depending on how you feel about your SO watching or enjoying it, then its your job to let him/her know how you feel about it. I hope this work out for you all the same.
Have a great day!
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