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Old June 16th, 2008, 01:32 PM   #1
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Unhappy Heartbroken and confused...please give me your advice!!

Hi. im going to give you the breif story as its too long to fully explain but here goes....

I was with my ex boyfriend for 14 months. the relationship started out good but then things started the change, he got possessive and controlling over everything. thing is, he always backed up what he was saying and i actually used to go along with it. I know he loved me with all his heart and i did him. towards the end of the relationship i got tired of him telling me what to do, where to go etc he wouldnt let me out wit my friends or anything. i kept this secret from my family as they would have stopped me seeing him. anyway...i left him after 14 months, feeling then that i was free and happy to be rid of him, but me and him still kept in contact for a further year with him stil trying to control me. for some reason i just couldnt let him go completely. then after a whole year of talking on the phone he turned really nasty so i got the police involved, changed my fone number and since then its got worse, hes smashed my dads car, damaged the house and many more. This has been going on since April 2007. During this time i tried my hardest to hate him but insie i still loved him, my parents and friends would say how much they hate him and i'd agree - lying! A day before valentine's day in february 2008 i realised i couldnt go on without him, i had cried myself to sleep for months and although i'd met other guys and been on dates etc no1 compared to him. i still loved him with all my heart. so we got back in touch and i realised he still loved me but agen after 2 weeks he started turning nasty again. no1 knew me and him were talking again then he told me i couldnt go out for my friends birthday which i'd had planned for months, so i lied to him. he caught me out and ended up punching me in the face twice that night which obvously meant the police got involved so everything came out and my family and friends kno we got back in touch again. After he hit me i actually did for the 1st time ever HATE him. Since then he hasnt done anything bad but hes currently being done for harrassment and assault. I was fine after that happened i thought i'd finally gotten over him. Then lately its started again. i cant stop thinking about him. i truly with all my heart love him to death! i really do. i could never be with him now and dnt even know if i'd want to but i just miss him so much and no new guy compares to him. We had plans to had kids and get married and everything and i cant stop missing him. every song reminds me of him hes constantly on my mind. then today i just heard he might hav a new girlfriend which has completely cut my heart in 2! will i ever get over this guy? im fed up with my life and sick of thinking about him but no1 compares and when i see him i jus melt. i think il love him forever i dont think this pain will ever stop i mean how long does it take!!! i eventually thought i was over him then i wasnt! im so depressed i dont know wot to do!!!!!
Please give me your advice and experiences!!??
and let me know how long you think it will take me to get over him completely and not like him anymore???

im hurting so bad please reply asap!!!
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Old June 17th, 2008, 10:05 AM   #2
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First if I may ask, How old are you? you sound very young. Second you say you love him to death,if you stay with someone that controlling and abusive, that is what it will end up with is your death! NO one has the right to abuse someone. NOTHINg makes it right and you didn't do it or make him hurt you, he did that. No but your parents, if you are under age has the right to control anyone. If you keep it up you will find yourself to always be with this kind of man. Love is a funny thing and so hard to know but when someone is emotional and physically abusing you, you do have the power to stop it but just walking away. All I can suggest is that. And if this loser does have a new girlfriend just pray for her safety until she smartens up. He needs help and you can't give it to him. So, just thank God he's gone and pray for the strienght to get over him. As you get older you realize that you deserve much better. That you are worth more than he let you think you are. I pray for you young one.
It feels like home to me. Bonnie Rhatt
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Old June 17th, 2008, 07:12 PM   #3
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Dear Hearbrokenandconfused, What is the age here??* You really need to talk to someone who has been though this.* Pick up the newspaper.* When they are abusive, controlling,* and become more physically abusive... don't turn the other cheek. GET OUT* AS Soon as possible before you end up in the hospital or the morgue!!! Seriously reread what you wrote.* Then read it again.* Then ask yourself if your friend, sister or someone you cared about was in this relationship.. What would you say.. be honest to yourself with your ans.If you lie to yourself then you are asking for more problems.* If you're honest then you will get away from him. If you honestly feel you deserve this treatment.. Let me tell you YOU DON"T! YOU DON"T! Please get some help to get out of it.

LOVE is NEVER ABUSIVE, CONTROL is NOT LOVE! IF SOMEONE hits you IT"S NOT LOVE. LOVE IS TRUST! LOVE is caring when you hurt, not hurting YOU!!!!!
Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *
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Old June 19th, 2008, 12:00 PM   #4
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I hope by now u r over him,,, u need 2 move on,, as hard as it is u sooo need 2 move on.
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Old June 22nd, 2008, 11:03 AM   #5
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thankyou all so much for replying, and your all right i do need to move on, its just so hard cos when i see him my heart jus melts and i miss him everyday. Im trying to keep myself occupied so i dont have much time to think about him. I just thought i'd be over him by now i just feel like sometimes im going backwards not forwards u know. thankyou for your advice and its nice to know people are there to talk to and i did need to hear it from un-biased points of view, what you all said made me realise the relationship was wrong, and HE is wrong. I do deserve better and i hope to meet someone who loves me the way i am. thank you again im so grateful! if any of you would like to keep in touch i'd be more than happy.
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Old June 22nd, 2008, 07:13 PM   #6
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it IS hard to let go of someone..even when they are bad for you. BUT IT CAN BE DONE!!! I was in an abusive relationship for 9 years. I never felt so free as I did after he left and I realized i could watch what I wanted on tv, make what I wanted for dinner, wear what I wanted for clothes, and talk whenver I wanted!!!

As each day goes by, you will get stronger in your belief in yourself, and it will reinforce the knowledge that he was bad for you. You will have days when all you want is him back because it's what you knew and for the longest time you didn't think you deserved anything else, but you must resist those days, and remind yourself that YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH AND YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE THAN HIM!!!!!

please come visit often and let us know how you are doing!! We do care...and if nothing else, we can be a cyber shoulder to cry on on the hard days, and a co-celebrator with you on the good days!

"Life is a flower of which love is the honey." Victor Hugo
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