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Old October 10th, 2002, 03:23 PM   #16
Becca4
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I would like some feedback from anyone who may have ever been in my position. I am happily coupled with two sons. I have some negative stuff in my background concerning men, and can honestly say that I have never had a close, positive relationship with one. Right now I am going through therapy to try to deal with some of this because I don't want any negative feelings that I have to be passed on to my sons and hurt them in any way. While going through this process, I've begun to wonder if my lifestyle choice was made in reaction to what I saw as negative, or the positive choice I have always thought it was. I'm having some confusion for the first time in my life....
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Old October 20th, 2003, 07:50 PM   #17
RazberrieTart
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<font color="321fed"> Wow it's been a while since anyone has posted. My turn, yay. I have a 5 yr old and a kind of complicated relationship. Partner started out as a roommate then later became a girlfriend. Since she moved in, Taylar has called her by her first name, which is OK and all, but I was wondering, what do your kids call you ?? And how did it come about ? Was it established when you began raising your kids from birth or did you enter into a family already and new roles/names were established ? Or do your kids just call each of you by your first name ? I don't know if we will change anything but I would like some imput please
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Old October 20th, 2003, 08:13 PM   #18
MintyFemme2
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((((((((((((((( RAZZIE)))))))))))))),
You bring up some good questions. I think each family is unique. Sallvie is getting to an age where "family" is more then just a word. I would hope that once Boo is here permentally he will feel comfortable addressing her by either her first name alone or as " Mom her first name" but it has to be Sallvie's choice. I know Sallvie loves Boo and has accepted in his own way that Mom and Boo are going to get married for real one of these days soon. One day sit down and ask your kid and partner how they would like the parenting label to be addressed.. but don't be surprised if she sin't "grasping" what you are asking of her. I thought I would ask Sallvie about moving in with Boo nd all he could think of is getting his own room LOL.
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Old October 21st, 2003, 02:00 PM   #19
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I found a news article today that just gets me kinda po'ed at our Goverment. Here it ishttp://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=679&e=14&u=/usatoday/11910841 What gets me is that no matter how many letter people write to the goverment they still refuse to see that there is a growing trend of Gay and Lesbian parents.
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Old October 22nd, 2003, 04:39 PM   #20
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my daughter goes thru phases as far as what she calls us. her grandparents all have permanent "names" but she has changed it up on my ex gf & i. she usually calls her "mama" (she's her biological parent) but sometimes just by first name - esp when she hasn't spent much time w/her. she also does it alot when she's talking to one of the family about her - it's "my mama" when talking to her school friends, but not when talking to us. we originally wanted her to call my by some kind of name, but she basically decided she was just going to call me by my first name. it kinda works well for us; i'm not a big believer in titles anyway so i'm pretty comfortable with it.
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Old October 22nd, 2003, 06:10 PM   #21
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oops I see that the link didn't work sorry for the confusion (((((((((( HUEE)))))))))) thanks for your input. I am sure you have a bond between you and your daughter will always remain in tact as long as you continue to be part of her life.
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Old April 1st, 2004, 01:49 PM   #22
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My partner and I have 5 kids between us, from 20 to 11. The youngest three are mine, boys ages 16 and 14, and daughter 11. The two younger kids, tell people that they have two mom's (which depending on the day is either a good thing or not for them). I am not sure what my 16 year old tells people...but I can tell you that recently I had some major health problems, and all three of my kids wanted us to go to a lawyer and specify that if anything happened to me, that my partner would get custody of them. We tried to explain to them that it would not be possible to do that, as their dad loves them also. But just that fact that they wanted to stay with my partner, made our family stonger.
For us, being honest from the beginning, and the other thing that we have done is we have both been a constant force in their lives. We have coached all three kids in soccer, basketball, baseball/softball, and I doubt most of the other kids parents would have guessed us to be gay. We do not flaunt our relationship in public.
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Old April 4th, 2004, 04:33 PM   #23
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dlh6296 Honesty is always the best policy with children. I am very open with my son about my relationship with my partner . I am also open with him about his grandmas. He knows that my mother is in Heaven looking down on us. The fact that your children want to stay with your partner if anything should happen speaks volumes about your and your partner's parenting skills. Both my partner and I are involved with my son's school.. he doesn't have any other activities yet because of his age. I think what has helped us to be invovlved together is the fact that my son had an excellent headstart teacher who welcomed my partner into the actvities just as she welcomed both mothers and fathers for the other children. Continue to be there for each other and to be open with your children and they will respect you as they get older .. even when they think they know it all.
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Old July 4th, 2005, 02:51 PM   #24
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Hmmm where do I start.

Many years ago I knew I wanted to be a mum but I never had the opportunity mostly because I needed to learn about who I was before I could figure out how to have a kid.

Now i've been out for about 8 years and am starting to try to get pregnant. Today, in fact, I had an HSG to make sure my equipment was working.(don't recommend having anyone pulse dye into your uterus if not necessary).

My partner is very supportive of my desire and is willing to stick by me while I do this. We still don't know if I will go through the system and have a doctor assisted IUI with unknown donor sperm or if we can work out a known donor situation but we'll take it as it comes.

What we do know is that if I am successful I will be mum and my partner will insist that she be called by her name. That suits me though since I will be the one going through inseminations, pregnancy, and child birth.

My head is spinning....... must be the pressure release
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Old July 4th, 2005, 02:57 PM   #25
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You might well be interested in <a href="http://www.womensweb.ca/lesbian/parenting.php" target="_blank" style="color: red; text-decoration: underline">Parenting Your Partner's Child: You're the New Kid on the Block</a> by Jennifer Newton Reents.

It addresses the challenges of stepfamilies, but also presents some of the unique challenges faced by GLBT parents.

Anyway, the link is there for those who might like to read the article.
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Old July 5th, 2005, 12:27 PM   #26
MintyFemme2
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Ayla, I hope all works out for you. I had already had Sallvie for 3 years when Peggy came into the picture.
I had always thought that if I shared the responsibility of raising my child with another woman he/she would be her mom as well. I guess that was the romantic side of my plan. I never made Sallvie call Peggy Mom. He chose to call her Peggy . I also let him know that he could call her Mom if he had wanted because she was my partner and we wanted to get married.
I have knowon other couple who have started out from the begining like you and your partner are with one parent being " Mom" and the other parent being "Dad". I also know of the other part parent being called "Dad" when she got together with a lady who had children from a previous relationship. I am not to sure I agree on with the "Mom" " Dad" approach part of this because in my opinion it will only confuse children when they get older and realize both parents are female.
Weather your child decide to call your partner , "Mom" "her first name", od "Dad" is up to you and your partner. The most important thing is that you love each other and agree to support each other through the parenting process. It sounds like you are on the right path!
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Old December 11th, 2005, 09:54 AM   #27
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I just read everything you all wrote about having kids, dating and someone your children will call second mommy. Did that, been there years ago. My boys are grown with kids of their own. Now it's time to tell the grand kids, "Grand Mom is gay" I guess because I'm older and have already lived through what your fears are now I can say my kids turned out just fine. My boys were 6 and 8 when I spoke to them about my life style. Pretty much all you have to do is what I'm sure your all doing now, just love them, support them, be a part of their lives and they will grow up knowing they are NOT different in any way from their friends. My partner and I did everything all the other parents did with their kids. Maybe because I never looked at my life as being different, my kids didn't see it as being different either. A pretty simple rule of thunb is, just be a parent. Who's to say what is or isn't normal? Don't lable yourself as a "Gay Parent" It's that darn lable that will make your child feel different. It worked for me in the 70's, 80's and 90's and I'm sure it will work for you now. It's all about love and being a parent. I hope this helped in some small way.
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Old December 12th, 2005, 09:59 AM   #28
MintyFemme2
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NJ thanks for sharing your opinion. I agree that a parent is a parent no matter how the parent identifies. I have never hidden who I am with my son. I think the most important thing a parent can teach their child is acceptance of all walks of life.I have taught my son that all people are equal no matter who they are. There have been a few times he has questioned equality and I have helped him understand that what is on the outside or who we choose to live with doesn't affect who we are on the inside. So far I seem to have a very compassionate 8 yr old son most of the time.
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Old February 25th, 2006, 12:51 AM   #29
Ayla
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donor

everyone!

It has been almost 8 months since my last post here..... wow.

Going through an infertility clinic is a slow but hopefully rewarding process. It took 7 months to see the specialist after the referral last summer. I love the clinic though. Our doctor is totally open and in fact supports same-sex families using their services. All the bloodwork is back and we have been given the green light to move ahead with the IUI.

My partner and I have decided to go with an unknown donor. It is interesting sifting through tonnes of paperwork to see who has what we want and doesn't have what we don't want. We'll be ordering in the next couple of weeks and with any luck the first insemination will be in April.

This whole process is mind boggling. When I reflect on the environment I will hopefully bring a child into, however, I have a feeling it will be much easier letting my child know Mum is gay than it will be to talk with my child about being conceived from donor sperm.
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Old February 27th, 2006, 01:10 AM   #30
MintyFemme2
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Ayla you are very correct in being open with your child about your sexuality. A child learns values of life from his/her parents. If we can't be truthfull about our partners to our children what are we teaching them? I wouldn't worry about the "where did I come from talk ?" for a long time. I have never told my son in words that I am a lesbian but he knows Mommy has women partners. You will do what is right for you and when the time is right you will know what to tell your child about how he/she came about.
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