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Old July 5th, 2008, 11:34 AM   #1
OkieStorm
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Unhappy Kids of Divorce

I filed for a divorce on Aug 1st 2002. It is still pending. At that time our daughter was 5 yrs old. She is now 11 and will be turning 12 in Sept. I agreed to an every weekend visitation for her father at the temporary custody hearing in 2002. Nothing has changed from the courts.
My 'wish-he-was-an-ex' stated at the mediation hearing in 2002 that he would never speak to me again and he really never has. This has led any corrospondence to come from our daughter. To ease her distress I have always been "ok" with changes in plans. (his plans).
She has been on so many trips with him in the last 6 yrs. Even Alaska (which required a passport that i reluctanly signed).
Now she is maturing, she gets moody and clingy and sticks to my side alot. She doesnt want to go 3 nights a week with her dad anymore. She has never been allowed to speak of me or her older brother and sister (which her wrote-off) or even her neice, his 4 yr old grandaughter which he has never seen. ......
There is way too much to the story but my question is this.......
I can't get a Judge to hear my case and my "income based" attorney wont return my calls.....Who do I appeal to to listen to my child????????????
BTW- I do not believe there is any sexual abuse here... I have truely searched my feelings and am not trying to ignore any possibilities. But the man is a control freak and he is very cruel. He will give her the silent treatment for days at a time. She is alone there, no siblings, no neighbors, and limited on who she can even call. Including me.
At a loss.................???????????????
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Old July 5th, 2008, 12:39 PM   #2
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My room mate has had these type of problems. All I can say is go to the family court and file a pation they can't stop you and you can file as often as it takes to get the changes. As long as you have good reason for the changes. List you concerns. If that doesn't seem to work, call the judges chamber and ask for a meeting. Explain in closed chambers your concerns.
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Old July 6th, 2008, 09:15 AM   #3
OkieStorm
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Thanks ((((crazymomma))))
You can bet Monday morning im back on the phones.
That will be a start. Last time I called The judge his secretary refferred me to the law library. (hmpht!) I will be firm this time.
Thanks again, Okie
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Old July 6th, 2008, 09:56 AM   #4
PoohsBigSister
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perhaps ask the judge to speak to your daughter about her feelings. After all, this is ABOUT HER. Tell the secretary you would like to have the judge speak with your daughter about her wishes for visitation and being afraid of her father and see if that gets you anywhere. Just because there's no sexual abuse doesn't mean there's no abuse. silent treatment, control freak, MENTAL ABUSE IS JUST AS HARMFUL..and if that doesn't work, petition the court for a GAL for her. A Guardian ad Litem - a children's advocate lawyer. most work pro-bono, but they do have to be appointed by the court.

((((((((((((((((((((Okie))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i'm keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers!!
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Old July 6th, 2008, 09:58 AM   #5
DLC55
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Okie, is there a court mediator you can request a hearing with?

You may get further faster with a mediator plus, since she'll be 12 in a few months, according to OK. she may be able to have an input.

http://www.oscn.net/applications/osc...p?citeID=71832




Quote:
Originally Posted by OkieStorm View Post
Thanks ((((crazymomma))))
You can bet Monday morning im back on the phones.
That will be a start. Last time I called The judge his secretary refferred me to the law library. (hmpht!) I will be firm this time.
Thanks again, Okie
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Old July 6th, 2008, 11:30 AM   #6
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((((((( Okiestorm & daughter )))))))),
Wishing you some ans and some peace of mind. Listen to these wise ladies. They know their stuff.

((((((((( hugs to all ))))))))
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Old July 6th, 2008, 02:40 PM   #7
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Sorry that your daughter is going thru this. Kids are truly the ones who get stuck in divorce rules.

I'm curious to Why its taking over 5 years and still no finalized divorce? Thats totally crazy in this day and age. Even I who fought my divorce it was done and over in 6 months. Looks as if One of you two adults are argueing over something that is holding things up. I would suggest 'let it go' and get that divorce finalized. Then move on to a better free life from all concerns of him.

Also unless your daughter voices her concerns to her Dad that she doesn't want to visit every weekend as set up and he relents, it not going to change until she is 18 He can insist that she keep the visitations as set up and as you wrote he is a control freak so I don't believe any change will happen for daughter not going for her set visits.
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Old July 6th, 2008, 02:46 PM   #8
OkieStorm
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(((((((((all of you))))))))
Thanks, I will keep trying. I have somewhere to start now. My roomies sure are great!
Love you all!
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Old July 6th, 2008, 02:56 PM   #9
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Tiffin....I myself am freaked that it has taken this long. If i had known before i would have been to afraid of him to leave. I left the home with her. My 17 yr old daughter (at the time) came to me the next day, my 19 yr old son chose to stay. (being a control freak it didnt take there dad long to completly shut them out because they chose to communicate with me). I dont want anything but partial/shared custody of my daughter. leaving him the land (clear title) the home, his shop/home business. I didnt want him to sell mainly so he would stay around for his kids. I think he feels like if i get the divorce he loses....like its a game.
As for my daughter she has seen how he abandoned her older siblings and she is afraid he will do he same to her if she upsets him.....sad huh? He could do the opposite and as you said control her until she's 18.
<sigh>
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Old July 6th, 2008, 03:27 PM   #10
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Okie, it won't stop when she turns 18. The only difference is that she's an adult and can choose to see him or not. If I read your law correctly, at 12 she's considered sound enough to have input as to how she wants to visit.

18 isn't a magic number. If he has control now, it may get worse as she ages. Right now, she's the only one who can stop it, if she wants to.

My kids chose at an early age how and when they wanted to see their dad. It was their choice. Albeit I was blamed, but who cares. Even though they still have a relationship with him, they know how he is and let's him know if he does something that's out of line.
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Old July 6th, 2008, 03:49 PM   #11
OkieStorm
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DLC55, I checked out the OSCN document and saved it to go over with my fiance, (yes i know...enganged? lol this man loves me for who i am and respects my opinions) he is trying to help me. I have been to the OSCN website for updates about my case but would have never been able to find those. Thank you very much. I also plan to contact my so-called-attorney and the Legal Alternatives office I found him through (and send my monthly payments to) once again. As much as i hate for her to lose her father I can't stand by and watch her be tormented. He needs to realize he could lose her, and be alone, he will suffer the biggest loss. I never wanted that, I hoped it was just me he HAD to control but now it seems he wants it all or nothing.
(((((DLC55)))))) thank you
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Old July 11th, 2008, 09:29 AM   #12
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(((OkieStorm))) You go girl. I know how hard it is cause I see you live it in RL. I also remember laughing when your lawyer told you it could be 18months or more, remember?
Still can't imagine but know you've done what you knew to do. Maybee you can get further after some of these good tips. Hope so. XOXO-Sis
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Old July 12th, 2008, 02:56 PM   #13
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(((((((((( Okiestorm ))))))))))), Sincerely hope you get some closer to this divorce, and that they listen to your daughter. No one should have to go though that type of abuse. Love your supportive family. They are so nice. Pleasure to chat with them. Keep them close to you.
(((((((((( Okiestorm's family ))))))))))))))
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Old July 12th, 2008, 10:25 PM   #14
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OK. You might consider getting a guqardian ad liten for her. They are people who represent the child and their best interedsts. It's worth chekcing out i would think.
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Old July 12th, 2008, 10:30 PM   #15
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Florida law states a child can decide whether she wants to see her father even earlier than 12 if she is mature enough to decide. I do elieve a guardian ad liden would help her. If the rules concerning custody of her wht is the holdupon the divorce? I would psuht ht as hard as I could. He just wants to keep control ofyou - that is his problem (and yours). Perhaps you need to get a new lawyer. You might even be able to make him pay for the divorce since it is his actions that has cuased the delay.
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