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Old March 15th, 2004, 04:02 PM   #16
Cinderellen
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Ok, here's what my sons said about Eragon. It's got some fighting in it, in the course of which someone dies. Also there are two places where some gory descriptions are a little graphic. Older son, 14, said he didn't think it was too bad. Younger son, 10, hasn't finished it yet, but he hasn't been traumatized or unable to sleep.

I havent read it yet, but I plan on reading it next. Normally when we read a book by a new author, I read at least the first one in the series first before I let them. This is one of the few times I haven't. I'd like to be more help, but maybe in a week or so after I've read it, I can give you more info.

However, my rule of thumb is usually, when in doubt read it yourself first. Have fun ((((PBS))))).
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Old March 15th, 2004, 04:20 PM   #17
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(((((((((Cinder)))))))))))) THank you!!!!

I have decided (based in part on your sons' descriptions) that I'm going to let her read it. She begged all weekend too!! jeez! I also called the local library and asked them what their take on it was and they thought it was appropriate for her reading level. COOL!

THanks so much for the help!!
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Old March 28th, 2004, 08:49 PM   #18
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Hi all. I'm not sure if I need advice of just to vent. Anyway, I hve a 9 year old who's going on 20. I just can't get her to understand why I won't let her go online into chat or to instant messanger! I even svaed and read to her the post about cyber safty. It still didn't help. If anything she seems to be giving me more greif about it! I ust want her to be safe. And what is it with the adittue with kids that age now? If I spoke to my parents like she does to me sometimes I'd be picking myself up off the floor.
It must just be because my two older children never did thesee things. I want to be firm but fair and it isn't easy when I get this huffy little person telling me things like I'd never do that! I just can't seem to make her see I just want to keep her safe.
Any suggestions? I'm out of ideas.
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Old March 28th, 2004, 09:08 PM   #19
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http://www.bewebaware.com/english/default.aspx

I've not yet delved deeply into this site, but it comes highly recommended and explains many of the risks and issues. I'm sure if you explore, you'll perhaps uncover suggestions on how to open a dialogue and initiate discussions about cyber safety.

Good luck; I hope this helps.
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Old March 28th, 2004, 11:26 PM   #20
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(((WA))) Thank you. I'll look into it. It's just it seems Savannah is so much more of a handful than Mary was at her age.
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Old March 29th, 2004, 12:21 AM   #21
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Crazymomma, it wasn't until my son was 13 that I allowed him to IM people. I still don't allow him into chat rooms. The rules I laid out were that he was to give out no identifiable information and he wasn't to accept any IMs from people that he didn't know, among other things. I didn't read the website that WA posted, but I'm sure it has great information about rules to lay down. I also installed an IM Grabber program onto the computer. It logs all of his conversations and I can read them, or not, later at my leisure. So far he has obeyed the rules, it's been a year and a half, give or take.

In situations like this I've found that sometimes you need to explain to the younger kids that there are certain things you can't do til you're older. You can't have a tv in your room til you're 12. You can't have a phone in your room til you're 13. You can't have IM priviledges until you're 14. You can't chat in chat rooms ever. They need to understand that there are priviledges that come with age and that they can't do it all now. It's hard if they see older siblings do it. My younger one and I had to have that talk when he was about 9 too over IM. The main thing is to decide what's comfortable for you and stick to it.

Goodluck.
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Old March 29th, 2004, 04:29 PM   #22
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CrazyMoma times have changed alot. Instead of arguing with your daughter over the internet maybe suggest that her and her older siblings go outside and play more often. I sure remember being sent outside often LOL. Computers are wonderful tools, but bad things can happen. I don't know if 9 is to young to be imming but I know 9 is to young to be allowed access to the computer alone.
I also remember what happened if I got to sassy for my britches. It is hard trying to be a different parent then how you were parented. Think of how it made you feel when you was "smacked down" for being sassy. Do ya want your kids ot think the same thoughts you thought or feel the same way you felt ?
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Old March 29th, 2004, 06:53 PM   #23
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Sigh...I think this is gonna be a long post.

Let me give you a little background...I am a single mom and have been since my son (now 10) was about 8 months old. His father lives in CA, and I live in CO. I used to have a HUGE problem with him stealing money from me, and I still have a HUGE problem with him lieing to me. He thinks he knows everything and won't back down, even when proven wrong.

He brought home his report card last quarter and all of his grades had dropped from a's & b's to barely c's. I grounded him from all electronic games (nintendo, playstation, gameboy and computer) until he brings his grades back up to the level we know they can and should be. He set goals for himself (b's in most classes, an A in math). So... I learned this morning that after his sister goes to school, and when my boyfriend goes down to his office in the basement to work in the mornings my son has been going into his sister's room and taking her gameboy and playing it. Now... there is a lot more that I"m not putting in here...but I am at my wits end with him. I keep taking and taking...what I really want to do is GIVEe...I want to reward him instead of punish him. My heart is breaking right now cuz I grounded him for two weeks...what this means in our house is no tv, no phone, no playing outside, no computer. Basically, no fun. Am I being too hard on him? or on myself? Anyone have any other suggestions on how to deal with this??????????????????????????

sigh...I"m one sad and disappointed mom today.
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Old March 30th, 2004, 12:45 AM   #24
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(((Minty and PBS)))
Minty Vannie can't really goout and play with her siblings as the one nearest her age is 18 years older. So, that basicly i like being an only child. All she's ever been around is grown-ups, until we moved here. Now we have a boy she goes to school with who is in her class. He's a bad kid and it just seems to me that alot of her attitude started about the same time she started hanging out with this boy. We are moving soon so, that will end. I don't believe in telling my children who they can or can't be friends with. I just hope she remembers I have taugh her right from wrong.
PBS, hon I feel for you. As you see I'm haven trouble with mine too!! It must be the age group as my friends 10 year old is giving her problems too. Can we just ship em off to mars till they're 21? PBS, you aren't being too hard on him. I feel you are being too hard on yourself. As parents, we have to be the bad guy once in awhile. Vannie isn't too happy about the rules I've set up about her using the webtv. She never gets to even use it unless one of the adults are out here. Sorry I can't be more help.
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Old March 30th, 2004, 01:29 AM   #25
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{{{{{PBS}}}}}

Did something else happen at the time his grades dropped? Was there a big change in his life? Is that when your boyfriend moved in? Did he change into middle school? When he lies, does he end up getting time alone with you because you need to sit and talk with him? Do you sit in his room and spend time with him when he's in trouble?

Sometimes kids are just kids. They test rules and boundaries and they tell a fib here and there. But much of the time when there is a large and sudden or drastic change in behavior, they're saying something else. They may not even know what they're trying to say.

Perhaps he doesn't want to share you with "another man" and is trying to divert your attention away from your boyfriend. If you spend time alone with him, talking with him when he's in trouble, he may begin to increase the negative behavior just to have time alone with you.

Do some thinking about what might have changed in his life around the time his grades dropped. There may be a red flag waving that you're missing.

I've read that the most important role model in a young kid's life is the same sex parent. Much of his behavior when he was little probably had to do with his father not being there or not setting a good example for him. I'm sure there are ways to work on the negative behaviors once the reasons are identified.
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Old March 30th, 2004, 10:45 AM   #26
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((((((((((((((((CrazyMomma))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((Addie))))))))))))))))))

You both make valid points...and of course, everything looks better in the morning!

Addie... I've done the searching and the only thing I can think of is Lance moving in... and that didn't happen until Feb. Chris has always had a problem with story telling, and I do attribute that to the no father/very little father being around when he was little. I think perhaps you have hit the nail on the head...I think he doesn't want to share me.

Sooooo...I've grounded him for a week, talked to him about it... and we'll see how it goes.

I thank you all for being here for me when I need advice and to VENT! LOL!!!!!!!!!

Now...what to do with a 12 year old girl who thinks she's 30???? LOL!!!!!
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Old March 30th, 2004, 11:12 AM   #27
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((((((((((((((CRAZYMOMA)))))))) I understand better now. Sallvie is an only child as well. I have tried to let him play with a few kids around here . The one child I let him play with he done great with butthen his dad started working nights.. so Sallvie couldn't go over to Sidney's to play during the day and Sidney is much better in his own inviroment then over here; he feels he has to go home to go potty for example. The other kids around here are really bad influences for a 6 year old who is a followere so I tend to keep him away from those kids. I think having an only child around adults only makes it so hard for a child to remember he/she is still only a child and they have limitions.
(((((((((((((ADDIE and PBS)))))))) Addie you are right on the mark about something else maybe affecting his grades and behavior.
Now my 2 cents I remember when Napa and I first started dating, at first Sallvie enjoyed when Napa would come up.. he was all excited and eager to see her. Then about oh 6 months or so later I noticed a change in his behavior. He would start getting realy possive when I sat next to Napa. He would either want to sit in my lap or push Napa away from me when we kissed. Sometimes he would he would want for Napa and him to have time alone.. he would sit in her lap and get upset if I dared to even get near them. It took me a little while to figure out what was going on. I finaly understood when Sallvie told another person who came to visit to leave that he was just used to having my attention and he didn't want to share it with anyone else.
Maybe because your son is older and knows it is quite rude to say "leave" he has chosen to start acting out with his grades falling and telling lies.
Now the money stealing thing. I am sure your son is old enough to know it is wrong to steal but he might be teling you that he is ready for an allowence if he isn't getting one yet. I had a problem with Sallvie taking loose change about a year ago and the counselor suggested I nip it in the bud right away by giving him a few coins to put in a piggy bank for Sallvie. That seemed to work.. he hasn't taken a coin since.. if he sees a loose coin he will ask if he can have it for his coin can.
I agree that little boys do need postive male models in their lives.. I am lucky that I have some one Sallvie can call "Dad". Sallvie looks forward to his Saturdays with Dad. If your son gets along with your boyfriend once restriction is over maybe they can have a "boys only afternoon" once a week to see if that will help with the behavior.
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Old March 30th, 2004, 12:05 PM   #28
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Minty that is a great idea. I have noticed when Savannah spend time with my boyfriend she acts better for awhile. She loves Kyle. I guess it just clicked when you said that about sharing me. This weekend I when to have a "grownup" weekend. Savannah stayed home with my son and his fiance. When I came home that was when she started in about the internet! It's like Click the light finally came on! Thanks Hon!!
Just think you got this all comin in a few years!! Good luck and remember we're here for ya!
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Old March 30th, 2004, 12:31 PM   #29
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Just a tidbit of advice on grounding. Be very careful that you don't make the grounding or punishment an unusually long or difficult one. I found that in the heat of the moment, I would launch a punishment that didn't fit the crime, and I would back down after a few days of thought, and all those sweet apologies. I learned (after 3 boys) to issue the punishment after thinking about it a bit. They were warned that there would be one. Backing down sends a bad message, I think.

Being a parent can be difficult. Being a kid can be hell!

Good luck (((moms)))
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Old March 30th, 2004, 02:12 PM   #30
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LOL!!! ain't that the truth Cod! I thought about the punishment all day long before I gave it to him... weighed pros and cons etc. and decided yes, it did fit the crime. His grades began dropping around the same time he got his gameboy. (alot of homework time was spent playing with the sound off I'm guessing.) So that is why we took away all electronic games until his grades came back up.

I'm not gonna back down on this one... he hurt me alot by sneaking and playing the gameboy after I rewarded him with computer time for finishing his book report... so... we'll both have to suffer the week until it's over!

thanks to all of you...I'm sure I"ll be back later with more to say..

(((((((((((((((((EVERYONE))))))))))))))))))))
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