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Old January 12th, 2001, 11:12 PM   #1
AuntieWOW
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Some days you just want to pull your hair out. Share your tips on parenting or look for answers here.
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Old April 19th, 2001, 04:59 PM   #2
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I know I just posted this in pre-teen, but I know girls start at different times. Tampon is offering a Learner's Kit to help parents explain cycles to their daughters. You can get one by calling 1-866-545-8427
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Old October 15th, 2002, 02:15 PM   #3
Cinderellen
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My son just turned 13. He seems to have a fairly steady girlfriend. I'm wondering what guidelines people use about when to allow them to group date, or drop them off at the movies just the 2 of them. Obviously since he's a boy, the car issue probably won't come up for a while, but for girls there's that too. What have those of you that have gone through it done?
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Old October 15th, 2002, 03:04 PM   #4
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Cinderellen, I have a 15YO stepson who is into girls bad! lol. He went out saturday night with a girl, took her to the movies and to eat before hand. The only reason we let him go was because this was a supervised date by the girls oldest sister. We know the family the girl is from. We already told the boy that there is no way in this green earth that he is car dating alone when he turns sixteen. He probably wont even get a license till 17 Then, maybe.. just maybe at 17 he can car date only supervised!
I dont think there is any harm in letting the kids group date. You know they are with other kids, all they will do is probably hold hands. As far as the movies go.. let 'em go to the movies supervised. Sit in the far front, or away from where ever they sit so your son wont think you are spying.. or better yet.. see a different movie. Thats what Tim and I do. Once Tim and I took Justin and a girl to a movie and we saw something else at the same time. When the movies was over, we all came out at the same time.
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Old October 15th, 2002, 06:40 PM   #5
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At what age can we call a child a pre-teen? LOL
Caleb just turned 9 and thinks he is the know it all king of the world, ruler of the roost! He has girls calling him, boys hanging around the house.. I mean this kid is EATING ME OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME!!! roflmao I swear he is older than he really is! He has to havethe latest school wardrobe, the fly nike shoes! ugh!! Poor me! So when can we calla kid a pre-teen? LOL

Cab Cab Cab.. Justin is 15?? Already??
And he is on supervised dates? Ok Ok I see you in my mom.. My boys will be able to date at 13 maybe 14 if they have good grades ect.. I don`t think we will supervise them, but give them a little trust. Not that you don`t trust Justin, LOL.....
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Old October 15th, 2002, 08:10 PM   #6
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While general guidelines are certainly helpful, I believe that each kid must have rules and regulations applicable to that kid. And, it also depends with whom they want to hang.

At this time, my daughter (almost 15) uses extremely good judgement. Her best friend, who happens to be a boy, is also a delightful and extremely responsible kid. There are many things that I let her go and do alone with him that I might not let her do with someone else. I trust both of them. They look out for each other, they're very protective of each other, and should any ermgency arise, I know that they'll make the best decisions possible for their age.

On the other hand, my daughter goes to high school with a girl that she's known since elementary school. While my daughter is friendly and talks with her from time to time, she won't make any plans or go out in a group with the girl at all. My daughter says that the kid is beginning to get into a lot of trouble at school and at home and she doesn't want to get herself into a bad or scary situation.

So, I'm not sure that it's an opposite or same sex issue. I think it's just a kid issue.
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Old October 16th, 2002, 09:25 AM   #7
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I guess my concern is stemming from the fact that my son seems awfully young to me to be "dating". I try to restrict what they do and certainly how much time they have alone. The girl seems very nice, but I don't know her well enough to know if she has good judgement. I think that 8th grade is young to be so serious, and they seem to be closer than I'd anticipated for their age. This is all foreign territory, lol.
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Old October 16th, 2002, 10:23 PM   #8
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If you think it's too young then tell him that. When my son asked me if he could date at 13 I said no. This year (he will be 15 in January) he asked again and I said yes in groups. Don't be afraid to set boundaries that you feel are right, he will probably respect you for it.
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Old October 25th, 2002, 10:16 AM   #9
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LOL Dac! You think your boy is eating you out of house and home right now? And you are gonna let him date at 13? ROFL! Just wait till its an every weekend thing.. mom take me here, give me money, mom take me there I need more money ROFL! You will quickly change your mind. LOL! Its a good thing Justin worked over the summer.. he made enough money to pay for his own dates (dont know how much more money he has tho). We did give him some money last weekend but we cant do it every weekend.
It's not that we dont trust Justin, its just that we think they are bit young to be out on dates unsupervised. After all, I know what happens in cars *G* lolol
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Old October 26th, 2002, 01:12 PM   #10
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Psssssst My oldest son (15) thinks he isn't ready for dating cause he wants to earn his own money to take his girl out LOL Which is a good thing! Just good luck! Have a great day!
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Old October 21st, 2003, 03:31 PM   #11
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Kids are experiencing things earlier and earlier these days - including dating. My son is 15 and my daughter is 17 and they have both been dating since they were around 14 - but they began as group dating. Talk to your son about sex - I can pretty much guarantee that it won't be the first time he's discussed it - only you can make sure he gets all the facts straight. I found a fistful of condoms in my son's backpack one day - distributed by our local health unit. I have no problems with their campaign, I just wanted to make sure my son is aware that they are not "fool proof" and the repercussions are life-long.

I always voluteered to do some of the driving or all so I could meet the kids and the parents - you can tell a lot about a situation by checking out what sort of parental rules your son's friend has at home. I also encouraged the kids to come to my house - lights stay on during movies downstairs.....LOL

If you "put your foot down" and say no to dating, I'm afraid that your son will probably just do it behind your back. Rather than embracing the idea of dating, encourage their friendships with the opposite sex and then you will have a lot more insight into the actual relationship. Hope this helps - we're all just "winging it" here with this parenting thing.....LOL
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Old October 21st, 2003, 04:34 PM   #12
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Kids may be experiencing things earlier (and I'm not actually sure that they are) but they are also rather immature in some areas. It's no fault of their own, they've had to be more sheltered in many ways than we were.

My daughter knows much more than I did at her age but she's not nearly as street smart as I was. At the age she is now I had done things that would make my hair stand on end if I were my own mother.<g>

We do have an amazingly open relationship so that she understands, in most cases, why I might say no to certain activities. I've also been very honest with her about experiences I had, and how they had, or hadn't, turned out so well. ==;-o

I don't think there's any right or wrong age for dating or any else. Each kid needs to be treated as an individual. Some kids can handle driving at 16, some need to wait a year or two. No blame, no shame, they're all just different. That's what makes 'em so special.
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Old October 22nd, 2003, 07:38 PM   #13
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Hello Everyone

I agree with Addie. Every kid is different .

My twelve year old daughter is so different from one I was that age

Yes she is mature in somethings but not enough I don't think to date yet.

I also have seen my niece date at 15 and yep 9 months later. ( Not that I don't love my Great nephew ) Well lets just say I am not that nieve to think if you put a boy and girl together that it isn't impossible.

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Old October 23rd, 2003, 10:21 AM   #14
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I was dtign at 15. I am not to sure now if I was ready to be dating . My oldest neice had a baby when she was 18, now her younger sister who just turned 18 is pregnant. I think that kids need parents to be honest and open about sex and sex education. I am not to sure if giving teenagers condoms is neccesarily a good thing nor is it a bad thing. With Sallvie just being 6 I don't have to worry bout that yet LOL. Sallvie did go through a stage this summer when he was playing "lets get married". I did have to tell him that "lets get married" had to stop when a neighbor girl said he wanted to kiss her and her mommy told her that she can only be kissed by her daddy . Sallvie decided on his own to ask a friend's sister if he could take her daughter out on a date.. thank goodness he has no idea of what a "date" is LOL.
I personaly had a hard time as a teenager with dating. I was given permision to date at 15 . I dated only one guy . I think part of my problem was that I knew I was attracted to women but it wasn't accepted by society. My family was very supportive and remains to be supportive of me. One of the best things a parent can do is listen to tehir teenager and support them as much as they can
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Old October 24th, 2003, 09:54 AM   #15
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I agree kids are experiencing things earlier and earlier these days & dating is the least of it sometimes. I work for the local AIDS foundation so my girls are more educated than alot their age. We have very open discussions and I feel comfortable with their attitudes towards boys at this age. My girls are 12 & 14 are aloud to go to the movies and other group activities in public places with boys and other friends. I base what they are allowed to do on their previous behaviors, how they respond to situations and maturity, each one is different. I always discuss with the other parents exactly where they are going, who will be there, how long they will be there etc, etc. I am often the parent that is doing the driving and depending on the situation they have to check in with me. They understand being on their own is a earned priviledge that can be modified at anytime based on their past abilility to handle situations.

I've had to occasionally say no to things I'm not comfortable with. They don't always like or understand it at the time but after the intial fall out I really believe they respect the fact that I care enough to set boundries. Fortunately or unfortunately they see the kids with little or no boundries and the kinds of parents these kids have and how little effort their parents put into them. I also see kids that aren't allowed to do anything on their own. They often feel untrusted and I think you can stunt their ability to handle situations if you don't allow them experience anything. These are often the ones sneaking around doing things. I feel it's a juggling act of balance. I really think it makes kids feel secure to think someone cares and trusts them at the same time. I do alot for my girls and their friends and return they are great kids to be around.
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