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Old October 25th, 2011, 09:03 AM   #76
Wolf_angel
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Good points taken!
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Old October 27th, 2011, 09:03 PM   #77
notimeforlove
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Exclamation i know wat you mean

I can relate. i was in love since childhood but never really knew what it meant till another girl came in his life. that's when i chose to tell him my feelings which was wrong. i had gone through a broken engagement before all that happened so maybe it had all the wrong impressions on me. now next year im getting married to this man i hav been with for 2 years, a person that has anger management issues, who i used to love but broke all my trust when cheating on me while i was pregnant with my son. he said sorry and all however after my sad miscarriage, he just got worse. deep down i am still in love with my childhood love but can't do nothing but to get married. it hurts. a lot. especially since i come from a conservative family and don't hav much say.
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Old November 10th, 2011, 01:25 PM   #78
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In a similar position

Hi! I am new here and found this site from google. I am in a hot mess right now. I have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. My husband and I have gone through a rough patch the last 3 years where he ended up cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend (whom he also has kids with). During that time I was unemployed and things were rough financially. We ended up talking and decided to work on our marriage through counseling (which didn't work b/c he wouldn't engage). So for the last 3 years- I have worked on forgiving him for the affair and putting it out of my mind. Also through these 3 years- I have been the sole provider for the kids. He never would help with them at all and never attempted to be a "true Dad" to them. Our relationship has seemed to become a situation where I am the Mother to everyone in our family- including him. When we fight- he figures that I will be mad for awhile but will eventually get over it. It is a never ending cycle.

Anyway- this summer I suddenly had feelings for a guy we have been friends with for years. I have no idea where it came from. He is single and does not have any kids. I tried to push the feelings aside but we both realized that we both were feeling the same way. It was a HUGE shock to us both. Well- after months of texting and calling- we ended up having an affair. We have both fallen hard for each other but now I don't know what to do.
I do love my husband but honestly- in more of a room mother/ roommate sort of way. I am terrified about the effects on the kids if we divorce. I am also especially worried about what would happen to my husband because I do not think that he can take care of himself emotionally or financially since I have been doing it for so long. That part breaks my heart. I am so torn! And I do know that the grass is always greener and that you should never leave one relationship for another. I just don't know what to do. I am sorry for such a long post but it has been a bit theraputic to get it off my chest as I can't talk to any of my friends about this.
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Old November 12th, 2011, 10:11 AM   #79
Wolf_angel
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Make a choice. If staying with the husband for whatever reasons isnt about love then tis time to move on. I know its hard I am in worse situation than you are. Yet slowly and surviving one day at a time. Just be friends with the other man. If he wants to be really with you he will give you space and time. Hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs
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Old November 12th, 2011, 11:42 AM   #80
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Thanks for all ye're comments. But my feelings are getting worse and worse everyday for this 'other' man i wish they didnt but they have i dont know how long more i can cope with this i cant get him out of my head for one second and its killing me. I'm trying to find away everyday to tell my husband but i just cant bring myself to do it and that makes me so angry. How do i tell him without hurting him? someone must be able to help me please!!!!
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Old November 12th, 2011, 10:59 PM   #81
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A counsellor.
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Old November 15th, 2011, 01:37 PM   #82
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#1 you can not tell him without hurting him. #2 like sistergirl said find a counselor who you can talk to. #3 You may be infatuated with this other man because of your husband's indiscretions. Get help. We can make comments, suggestions.. but once again we are not Dr's- counselors but we do listen. Sometimes our response is due to life's experiences sometimes not.
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Old November 16th, 2011, 01:33 AM   #83
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I relate to so many of these posts... I can just say I wish I'd had the courage to make a bigger move/ take more time for myself to figure things out when I was younger.

I recently married my boyfriend of 10 years. He is a wonderful man, kind, supportive, funny, smart, good to my family and friends, a true friend. I knew since the day I met him that I didn't feel that spark, but always pushed it out of my head for all those other reasons - and because I knew he adored me.

Now, backing up - about 6 years ago I started an affair with a close friend at work - what started out as one night of casual flirtation turned into years of a time spent together, though I always kept it secret. We had that passionate spark and spent tons of time working together, on trips, weekends, etc. He maintains that he never (and still doesn't) want to be in a committed relationship with me or anyone else, so as a result it was easy to live a double life... a secure, friendly one with my now husband and still have that exciting, passionate experience with this other man. I came close to breaking up with my boyfriend a few years ago, but talked myself out of it because I knew this other man would never want to truly share a life or be needed by me. I forced myself to pull away from him emotionally, felt terrible about what I was doing and was just so frustrated and emotionally exhausted by wanting something that wouldn't ever be real. Over the past 2-3 years, daily time dwindled to weekly time and then to only monthly time together. Recently his sister got sick, and he started spending every weekend with her - for 6 months, we have barely seen each other outside of the office. I can't say if it was coincidental or not, but during this time my actual live-in boyfriend said he thought we should get married. I accepted the proposal and was so happy on my wedding day, feeling that I finally made a smart decision.

Now this other man, who I still work with, and have maintained a friendship with, is seeing someone else (which oddly enough only happened one other brief time in all those years). Thinking about it makes me feel physically sick even though I know I should be over him and moving on with my life. How can I change the way I feel? What if I've made a horrible mistake, and should have just tried being alone for awhile, years ago? Is it impossible to find everything in one person? Or should I have been looking for Option C all along? Please don't judge me... I just don't want to believe I'm alone in this sort of emotional confusion.
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Old November 16th, 2011, 01:15 PM   #84
Angus Brown
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@ Sistergirl I think i need more then a counseller at this stage.This is gone really bad I want to leave but the problem is i dont have anywhere to go. @ Irish eyes im not infatuated with this other man im totally in love with him and he feels the same. im hurting so bad over him.
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Old December 29th, 2011, 11:17 AM   #85
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I too have been married for 7the years. Everything has been fine except for the fact my husband and I are more or less living like brother and sister. I have never been head over heals for him, and emotionally. He has put me through a ton with his anger management issues, (I think he has punched a hole in every wall in my house). I have thought about leaving but we have 3to kids together, my saving grace is he travels alot. We don't fight alot but he gets really angry over the most stupid things, its like he looks for things to yell about. I have met a few months ago through a mutual acquaintance a man who is 5the yrs younger than I. I was immediately attracted to him, but just put it aside, we have a professional relationship, and when we do speak its all about business, however he did reveal to me that when he talks to me it drives him crazy and he has certain thoughts about me and I told him I felt the same way. Now im very level headed and I realize we r both married and nothing will happen but I can't stop thinking about him. Help
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Old December 31st, 2011, 11:14 AM   #86
Wolf_angel
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Ok here is one for all of you....maybe you will stop and think first.....My husband who I loved more than 16 years cheated on me. Gave me things I didnt want the most being heartache. Now he moved out October 23 2011. Because he said we are getting divorced. The only time lately anyone needs me is to fix up their mess ups or to hide out from other people aka they are only using me for their own ends. I have been shown I dont matter at all. What I think want or care about. I am not talked to like a person that anyone cares about. I am not consulted or whatevered I am just told like I was a servant. Yet all those people from my younger two children to my husband only one has let me know that I am a good woman. Of course I take care of him and etc. He is my 75 year old father in law who has prostate cancer. I used to have friends who I could talk to but found out they only tell others that I specifically asked them to not say anything. Thus I am alone with no one. Husband wants a divorce but sent me a message earlier regarding his facebook status of being in a relationship with me just to see what others think. Thus again not valued as a person partner wife or whatever. Just another tool for him to use to his own agenda and entertainment. Well i am done with this crap. I dont want this for my life. Nor will I accept it as he thinks I will. He is in for a rude awakening. As well as the others. That is on their own head. If you entered into a relationship, marriage or whatever you are not only hurting that person but yourselves in the long run. Not including if there are children of that union. Even if they are from a prior union. What you do say and act upon has a rippling effect and it will continue for years to come. You are not only cheating your significant other but yourself. If you feel so strongly then walk away after admitting everything face to face. The pain this brings to the other is not worth it. For if you can think of being in their moccasins for that maybe perhaps you will realize what the truth is. I only say this as the person who has to live in this pain daily. No offense meant or intended. Happy New Year.....I know I wont unless I change what I dont like. Let go and move forward alone and thus with the results that others want first.
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Old January 2nd, 2012, 02:29 AM   #87
drhawkishdove
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well, i m a husband and i v kids but i cant resist those hollywood gals; i work there as a media Anal yst, i mingle a lot with smoking hot females, but what attracts me to them most is not their shape, but their minds and characters.
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Old January 7th, 2012, 09:28 AM   #88
Wolf_angel
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Unfortunately drhawkishdove not many men are. They look with their eyes and their libidoes does the rest. I would love to find a man who wants me as I am faults and all. To value my thoughts, ideas and words of wisdom. Not one who only wants to use me when its convenient or to their agenda i.e. husband needs a loan and wants to use the house I will eventually live in for his own need. Needless to say, just waiting for a phone call about doing my clinicals or getting a job. Which is the long lonely process of moving on for me. I dont have family per se anymore. I have maybe one friend in the town I live in. Yet doing what I know best, grabbing my boot straps and moving on.
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Old January 8th, 2012, 10:51 AM   #89
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i am here baby
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Old January 10th, 2012, 06:09 AM   #90
Tedette
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I can't believe its over a year since I've been on this thread. Had a little baby Nov 10 and since returned to work. Things going better with hubby now but like others posted more as brother and sister. Have only had sex 3 times since baby was born - not interested at all. Of course the man I am in love with is still there at work and I love to see him and chat but will keep the distance and not seek him out but leave to chance when we meet. He is very sad looking mostly now and I know I cheer him up as he simles and jokes when we do chat. I can't help him though as my little daughter comes first and she does love her daddy. Everyone says affairs aren't worth the pain and I am not wanting to try and see how bad. Also my sisters husband had an affair and she is so sad all the time now although they are trying to work things out I wish she would leave him. He children are almost grown up though with the youngest being 14 now. There seems no hope for me and my unattainable love...
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